[b]Midtown Manhattan[/b]


Howard the Duck cleared his throat as he wheeled the office chair towards the microphone. The studio apartment he called home had been outfitted with acoustic panels, a high-quality mic on the desk right next to where his laptop sat. A pair of earbuds were plugged into those weird looking little ear holes ducks have. Google it, guys. "Duck ear holes." Seriously, they look weird. Just don't google "duck penis." I did and I regretted it.

"For forty years, there's been a terror looming across the country," Howard said into the mic. He wore a pair of black frame glasses. How they were staying on his face was anybody's guess.

"There's a killer is out there and he strikes without warning, without a victim preference. His hunting grounds are all the major cities in America. He's killed most often in places like Atlanta, Miami, and New York City. But he will occasionally kill in places like Chicago, LA, or even Kansas City. What do all of these cities have in common? They just so happen to have Major League Baseball teams in them. And at the time of every killing over the last forty years, the Philadelphia Phillies have been in town to play baseball."

Howard hit a button on his laptop and the ominous theme began to play underneath his introduction.

"Welcome to [i]Phanatic[/i], the one hundred and sixty-two part podcast series that examines the vast conspiracy inside Major League Baseball that has harbored a psychopathic killer mascot for four decades. On today's episode: A Dodgers double header mixed with triple murder, Chase Utley, and the 2008 World Series. We'll be right back after a word from our sponsor. This episode of [i]Phanatic[/i] is brought to you by Turpentinebox, the subscription box that delivers to you monthly all the chemicals to produce your own homemade turpentine. I use Turpentinebox and I have to say--"

Howard was cut short as his apartment shook, sending his microphone off the table and on to the ground.

"Waugh!"

Standing, Howard waddled to the window. He saw bystanders racing away from something, a look of terror on their faces.

"So much for that Stamps.com ad..."


---


[b]Time's Square
A very short time and three dash marks later[/b]


From the rooftop of his building, Howard looked down at scene below. He was very fortunate that his apartment overlooked Time Square. It was also explain why he paid five thousand a month in rent for a studio apartment. On Howard's left hand was the Abundant Glove. Was it as powerful as the Infinity Gauntlet? No way. Could it also allow him to hold his own against super villains? Also, no. But with the powers of the Compassion, Laughter, Dance, Respect, and Second Dance gems, he could at least do his part while other heroes took care of Sandman. That was if they showed up. But, c'mon, this is New York we're talking about. There were as many costumed superheroes here as there were pizza places.

Harnessing the power of the two Dance Gems, Howard began to control the panicked crowd. They all came to a stop. Slowly, they all swayed their hips in time with each other. The pedestrians all began to gather together. Within a few seconds, three large conga lines had formed around Time Square, the people heading away from the carnage in an orderly yet rhythmic fashion.