[h3]Serena and Sabinus, night of Hostage Rescue Mission[/h3] Serena walked through the barracks, heading towards Sabinus’ office. She was out of her armor, but kept her Carnifex on her hip. They were still under imminent threat of a Kett counter raid, and she didn’t want to be caught with only her biotics and drones to help her. Sarah floated quietly over her shoulder, Del still downloading the evasion updates back at her bunk. As she approached the door she quietly debated even going through with it herself. [color=hotpink]”He already thinks you’re an undisciplined idiot, do you really want to bring up the question that made him think that? Besides, he doesn’t look like someone dealing with grief so she’s probably fine.”[/color] She shook her head, continuing to walk towards the door. [color=hotpink]”You don’t know him, and you haven’t heard from Tanya since before the Scourge. You need to know and he’s the one who would know. Besides, Khosin’s worrying. That [i]definitely[/i] needs to be addressed.[/color]” With that settled and the door before her, Serena took a deep breath, squared her shoulders, and opened the door. [color=hotpink][i]Lets see if I can avoid making him annoyed this time.[/i][/color] She took a step into the office saying, [color=hotpink]”Hey Sabinus can I talk-”[/color] She paused awkwardly, remembering her new situation and then took a step back through the door. Blushing lightly in embarrassment she knocked on the door frame and saluted. [color=hotpink]”Permission to enter and talk to you about things….Sir?”[/color] She mentally groaned in despair. [color=hotpink][i]Good start. Way to show him you’re a disciplined fighting machine.[/i][/color] The turian was seated behind a desk with a terminal, a thermos of coffee, and one of the freeze-dried ration bars with the dehydrated fruit chunks that everyone had grown to hate. However, given how limited resources were and how each one contained several thousand calories that covered almost all of the nutritional needs of the individual unfortunate enough to eat it, it was going to be a life staple until crops started growing. For Sabinus, he found his coping mechanism with it by dunkin it into coffee and eating the soggy, slightly more flavoured mess of a bar like it was a luxury item after abusing the beverage to make it more tolerable. He looked up from the terminal. [color=cadetblue]“Absolutely, come on in out of the heat, take a seat. Good performance today, you showed excellent initiative and use of resources. The science team owes you a debt of gratitude. What can I do for you?”[/color] Sabinus asked, minimizing the screen of the report he’d been compiling, leaving the transparent glass blank. Serena stared at Sabinus for a moment, nonplussed. Whatever she was expecting, it certainly wasn’t this. This friendliness, harshly contrasting their first interaction. In all honesty she had expected to be reprimanded for having her drones abandon the science team and fire team two. [color=hotpink]“Thank you...Sir.”[/color] She said uncertainly, walking into the office and sitting down. She still wasn’t sure if this was some sort of test she was failing, like from all the horror stories she had heard during boot camp and her time active duty with the Alliance. For a moment she was silent, trying to figure out how to best go about asking her question. [color=hotpink][i]Ah fuck it. Straightforward and blunt it is.[/i][/color] [color=hotpink]“Sir, I would still like to know Tanya Carson’s condition. I haven’t had contact with her since before the Scourge and the Kett and I’m worried.”[/color] Sabinus smiled, studying the human’s face as he linked fingers on the table. Time with Tanya certainly made him far more proficient at understanding the much more explosive range of tiny muscles that made up the human face, and as such, gave them far more emotional tells than most other species. It was interesting, to say the least. [color=cadetblue]”I’m surprised you didn’t make a trip down to the shuttle-bay in your downtime, she was one of the first ones they thawed out after the Scourge hit and they needed to send scouts off to survey the garden worlds. She’s got quite the aptitude for that sort of thing, as you’re well aware, and the trade-off of having someone who’s that talented with mechanics and a rather non-conforming personality meant that her colleagues have never wanted for music, although you can imagine they might not have liked the section, or the volume. Last I heard, the compromise for keeping ‘Shit-Head’ active and blaring music while they work was the volume has to be at a reasonable level and she has to program in anything anyone gives her. Knowing her, she’s finding a number of creative ways to subvert that compromise.”[/color] Sabinus replied, dipping the bar in his coffee again to saturate the next length. [color=cadetblue]”Truth is, I’ve barely spent much time with her since getting out of cryo, even though we were both out fairly early in the time frame since the Nexus arrived in Helius. Different shifts, constantly being required to do different jobs, and now I’m off station more often than not fighting against an extremely hostile and dastardly alien race that feels like the Spirits were watching too many horror vids when they willed them into existence. I know you two were close and you idolized her, and that’s the primary reason I’m being so candid about the state of affairs between my girlfriend and I. The situation isn’t ideal, but we both know hard work and duty so it’s not as much of a strain as I imagine it is for more…”[/color] he drummed a pair of fingers against the back of his hand, searching for the words. [color=cadetblue]”Emotionally compromised couple would handle being apart. I can understand needing comfort and familiarity when you jump galaxies and wake up to find that a number of people have died from an unknown entity and the situation grew so dire that a significant number of friends and colleagues did something unfathomably stupid and rebelled against the establishment. But personal needs are secondary to the Initiative, so I sit on this radioactive dust bowl eating some forsaken rations that some scientist determined met all of my nutritional needs without account for the fact people actually have to eat them and lead a bunch of strangers who have no unit training or comparable doctrines and hope that they can figure it out immediately because the enemy isn’t waiting. The fact we didn’t lose anyone today is largely due to luck and individual talent, understand? Had the Kett been prepared we would have had far worse casualties. I trust you understand why I immediately had to single you out for non-conforming and familiar behaviour, correct?”[/color] he asked, regarding Serena evenly. Serena breathed a sigh of relief, visibly relaxing at the mention Tanya was alive and well in the shuttle bay, if being annoying and abrasive as ever. She smiled at the thought of Shithead having to play new music. [color=hotpink][i]That’s one worry down the drain.[/i][/color] She opened her mouth to thank him when he continued, delving into their relationship. Mild surprise showed on her face, but she didn’t stop him. If he wanted, or needed, to talk about it he was more than welcome too. Her eyebrows rose slightly at the mention of her ‘idolizing’ Tanya. [color=hotpink][i]What has she been telling him about our friendship?[/i][/color] she wondered briefly, before deciding it was better not to ask. [color=hotpink][i]Specialist organizations often have wilful individuals with varying doctrines and almost no conformity. Hierarchy Cabal, Republic Commandos, Alliance N7 troopers, the list goes on. APEX is just another one in a long line.[/i][/color] She didn’t comment, however. What Sabinus thought was his own business, and he was a competent commander who knew what he was doing. [color=hotpink]”Of course I understand, sir.”[/color] She answered immediately, meeting his gaze. [color=hotpink][i]It was the unnecessary speech afterwards I took issue with.[/i][/color] [color=hotpink]”Thank you for telling me she’s okay.” [i]And just about everything else in your relationship.[/i][/color] With the easiest of the two questions out of the way, Serena shifted slightly. [color=hotpink][i]Now for the touchy subject.[/i][/color] She really hoped this went well, and that she was doing the right thing. If it didn’t , or she wasn’t, Khosin would just end up farther down his darker path. [color=hotpink]”The other thing I came to talk about is Khosin, sir.”[/color] She paused for a moment, struggling with how to word exactly all the little things and changes she had noticed about her friend. There were so many, and they all added up to one dark outlook on Khosin’s mental state, and what it meant for him in APEX. [color=hotpink]”I’m sure you know that he and I ran with the [i]Jury Riggers[/i], a few centuries ago.”[/color] She smiled briefly at that, still finding it amusing. [color=hotpink]”I’m not sure if you know that, during that time he went back into Hegemony space. I figured there was a chance, since the Initiative is really good at digging up information people try to keep hidden, but I can’t be sure. He went to the Hegemony for a reason he wouldn’t tell us, and still won’t. When I tried to track him, to at least help him remotely, he told me to not follow or track him again, fried the connection, and went off the grid.”[/color] [color=hotpink] After a while he came back, but he was changed. Something went wrong in the Hegemony, and I don’t know what. Whatever it was seriously hurt Khosin, because he’s no the same. Khosin was, and still is to a degree, the most professional soldier I’ve ever had the honor to serve with. He was calm, methodical, and purposeful in combat, and generally all he did. He was [i]not[/i] the reckless type to rush into the center of the enemy without warning anyone. That’s Firu’s style, not his. And it’s not like her recklessness. She’s reckless because she has latent bloodlust issues. Because she enjoys the fight and the thrill too much, but she doesn’t take unnecessary risks. Khosin’s recklessness is far more careless. Unless it affects someone else, he’s not going to be careful about it. [/color]” [color=hotpink]”He’s always been quiet, but there wasn’t this….depression in his eyes. He tries to hide it, but I know him too well. He drinks much, much more than he did and is always by himself. The only things that seem to get to him anymore are things relating to the Initiative, and then it’s not just passion for the project. It’s a blinding manic obsession. It isn’t just loyalty to the ideal or the hope for a new life. It’s all he has right now. I’m scared for him, sir. I don’t think he values his life anymore, and I can’t do anything about it because I just hit a wall whenever I tried to talk to him about it.”[/color] Serena shrugged helplessly. [color=hotpink]”I don’t know what to do, and I don’t want him to throw his life away.”[/color] Sabinus listened to Serena’s concerns, drumming his fingers in a slow rhythm. Mathews was an emotionally driven individual with a bit of a mother hen instinct, and this more or less affirmed that. [color=cadetblue]”You think I haven’t properly checked him before clearing him for duty, or the Initiative made a mistake putting him into the militia with concerns about his mental health. Let me ask you this; do you have any idea what it must be like for him being one of the very few batarians in Andromeda? He’s left behind far more than most everyone else, and the fact that he felt that the Initiative was the only place he could have gone after things crumbled behind him tells me that if he was suicidal or had a death wish, he could have easily have found it back in the Milky Way. He could have signed up with any number of tin pot militias out of Omega, or drank himself to death in a bar, or gone on to become a political extremist who ends up getting shot in a standoff with law enforcement.”[/color] he said, leaning forward with his fingers bridged. [color=cadetblue]”And yet, he managed to pass all of the important mental health screenings to get into the Initiative and managed to qualify for armed service with the militia. I’ve read his dossier, even probably bits that you don’t know about him. Is he lost and despondent? Of course. Does he not see a future for himself? Possibly. But the actions that Sedgoroh performed today were those of a purposeful and mindful soldier who wasn’t in a hurry to die. He put himself at risk for others, yes, but he also did exactly what I’d expect anyone under my command to do to protect his or her comrades. It will take him time to adjust to his new surroundings and the people he serves with, but you strike me as someone who doesn’t think that he isn’t looking for his place in all of this. Maybe he doesn’t know it yet, or know what he wants, but it doesn’t mean he’s given up finding it. If he starts losing his cool or otherwise begins to show signs of cracking, I will be on top of it.”[/color] he regarded the bar and coffee for a moment before turning his attention back to Serena. [color=cadetblue]”You pathologically worry about people, you’re empathetic to a fault and you make it your personal duty to try and fix everyone who’s hurting. You may not realize it, but some people don’t want other people to try and fix them. Tanya left abruptly and cut off communication with most of the Riggers to start over in Elysium because she didn’t want others fretting over her or trying to figure out how to make things better for her. She wanted a fresh start and to be around people who didn’t know what she’d been through, and maybe that’s what Sedgoroh needs, is someone to look at him like a peer and comrade and not like someone who needs pity and concern. Maybe he’ll need to talk one day, maybe he won’t. It isn’t your business to try and figure out what he needs. Much like you can’t walk up to me like we’re best friends in front of the Fireteam and undermine my authority in the eyes of people who are about to fight in a war with an unknown enemy, you can’t treat him like he’s a special case who needs to be cared for differently than everyone else. There’s services he can use to get help if he needs it, but what he needs from us is a solid outfit that treats his service with respect and dignity.”[/color] Serena listened to Sabinus’ response, shaking her head in quiet frustration. He wasn’t understanding, and that may be because she explained it wrong. She had to chuckle at the pointing out of Khosin passing mental screenings. [color=hotpink]”Respectfully, sir, my faith in the Initiative’s mental health screenings have been, shall we say, severely lessened given that I know they let someone through they wouldn’t have if they had known anything about him, not anyone on this team I should add, and the fact that they let entire non-krogan population of Elaaden on board. But regardless, I think you’ve misconstrued my concerns or my reason for voicing them to you.”[/color] [color=hotpink]“I don’t want you to immediately pull him or put him on watch or anything like that. I just wanted you to know, that for Khosin after the Hegemony, there is nothing else besides the Initiative. You have something other than the Initiative. I have something besides the Initiative. Firu, Clyff, Kargad, we all have something besides the initiative. Khosin doesn’t. I’m not worried about him breaking under fire, not now at any rate. I’m worried about this consuming him till there’s nothing left. I’d die for the Initiative and any member of this team without question, sir, but that’s not my end goal. I’m worried that for Khosin, it is or will become his end goal. Someone who cares if they live or die doesn’t charge into the middle of a group of enemies with no warning, sir. Afterwards, he acted like the professional he is and was, but that was only when other members of the team were in danger.”[/color] [color=hotpink] I hope I’m wrong. I hope I’m just,”[/color] She lifted her hands up for air quotes, [color=hotpink]“‘Pathologically worrying’ about him. But someone with more power, experience, and better judgement than me needs to know. And now you do. If you do decide that I’m not just worrying for no reason, I think he told Dex about his trip to the Hegemony, but I’m not sure.”[/color] She stood up, stretching. [color=hotpink]”For the record sir, pity isn’t something I give people. In our line of work it only pisses them off. I respect everyone enough to trust them when they say they don’t want my help, and to treat them as the soldiers they are. Anything less only makes things worse with them. So you misunderstand me if you think I don’t know when to back off, or stop pushing. I let Tanya close herself off mostly because I knew my pushing wasn’t helping, and if she wanted to she would reach out to me. Just like I suspect she knew that, for me at least, her tactic did nothing to lessen my worry. I’m not going to going to worry or mother hen Khosin anymore than I would the rest of the team, even you or Tazen. Whether you like it or not.”[/color] She smiled lightly. [color=hotpink]“So, as a forewarning, just be prepared to tell me to shut my empathetic yap. Sir.”[/color] Sabinus snorted at the thought of Elaaden, a desert-covered world with unbearable temperatures that the krogan had almost to a man fled to and started a new colony. The other inhabitants, however… [color=cadetblue]”A peculiar example about Elaaden, but that’s a peculiar instance that defies our current understanding. You don’t have a number of people who were fine while aboard the Nexus and clear medical profiles from before the Initiative suddenly go mad around the same time on one planet. There’s much about these worlds we don’t understand, and for all we know some kind of vegetation or water contaminant that hasn’t been documented is causing the mental deterioration, or some other environmental factor. Remember, this planet as of three weeks ago was so radioactive that it could lead to death in minutes if you weren’t wearing a protective suit. Now because of the vault, we’ve got ourselves a garden world in the most improbable event I’ve ever witnessed. Regardless, I take your meaning and things do slip through the cracks, as it were, but the people who’ve screened the candidates have a lot more expertise in that field than you or I, so don’t assume that they’re failing at their jobs. “To reiterate, I know about Shegoroh’s… unique circumstances. He’s not an immediate threat to himself or anyone else, and if I’m understanding your concern, you’re reiterating exactly what I’ve explained to you. He’s come to Andromeda with nothing outside of his duty, and you’re worried he isn’t going to find it and let it become the only thing in his life. Like anyone, he’s being monitored and I will speak with him if need be, but you need to give him time to adapt to his new circumstances. Think of it like a larger-scale version of relocating for a new job and leaving your old life behind. It’s not ideal, but it happens for a reason. I have faith he’ll find his purpose and a reason for being here outside of APEX. You should, too.”[/color] Serena nodded. That’s what she hoped and prayed would be the case, but experience taught her it was best to prepare for the worst. That way, if everything worked out like they hoped it would, this conversation wouldn’t be remembered, and even if it did it’d be another story of Serena overworrying and mother henning the people around her. [color=hotpink]”I’ve done what I can for him. I leave it in your capable hands, sir.”[/color] She gave another salute. [color=hotpink]”Anything else you’d like to add, or shall I take my leave?”[/color] The turian rose from his seat in turn, returning the salute. [color=cadetblue]”I’ve got nothing more for you for now, but know that my door is always open if you need it. I appreciate you bringing this to my attention and looking out for your friend, and I promise I will keep an eye on him. You’re a fine soldier and you have a good heart, never lose sight of that. Dismissed.”[/color] he replied affliably. Serena smiled in genuine relief, reassured Khosin would be alright, nodding and turning for the door. [color=hotpink]”Thank you sir. If you ever want to lose a game of chess, I’m your girl.”[/color] She paused at the door, looking at him over her shoulder. [color=hotpink]”And I’m really glad you found her, Sabinus.”[/color] With another nod and smile, she left.