[h3][center]Just Like Starting Over[/center][/h3]
[i][center]A collab by [@Stormflyx] & [@Dervish][/center][/i]


Naryxa gazed out of the window. What a contrast to the Milky Way it was. The Milky Way was alive and bright with a bejeweled backdrop of glistening stars burning bright in the distance, trails of cosmic dust littering a path to follow and adventure on, to find yourself along, to meet friends and lovers and create a life...

Here, the view was cold, dead, and dark. Looking out at the bare bones of the scourge caused a shiver to run down the Asari’s spine. There was not a single glimmer of life in the twisted and gnarled curls of wasteland - ever growing and burning up in the emptiness of Heleus. [i]Are these rose-tinted glasses? Did I ever find the Milky Way so beautiful?[/i] she thought to herself, both fascinated and repulsed by the branches of the scourge. It’s ugliness reminded her of the Kett. They were one and the same to her - a curse.

She hadn’t known this was the view when she’d requested to meet Sabinus. 

The curtain of the scene would only add more to the morose weight sitting on her chest, that she had hoped a conversation with her Fireteam Leader would relieve, and would help her to shake loose. She liked Sabinus. He seemed to carry a level-head on his shoulders. He was outwardly friendly and personable, but Naryxa had sensed a level of depth to him not overly apparent from the surface. She wanted to talk to him about Eos.

[color=cadetblue]”Beautiful, isn’t it?”[/color] a voice called from behind Naryxa. Sabinus stepped around the seats and set himself down next to the Asari, wearing a leather jacket and a blue scarf that he somehow looked socially acceptable in. In his hands were two plant fiber cups, one green, the other blue, which he offered to Naryxa. [color=cadetblue]”Sorry for being behind the time your requested, a friend or mine down in hydroponics messaged and said there were a few plants that were bearing fruit that were unsuitable for harvesting or using for sustainable food, but the team thought it might be a nice pick me up for people if they made some who-knows-what juice instead of the freeze dried rations that have been in storage for centuries. Green’s dextro, blue’s levo. Cheers.”[/color] he said, taking a tentative sip or the cup and the hum that he subvocalized definitely sounded satisfied. It was one of the few fresh foods he’d tasted since being taken out of stasis.

[color=cadetblue]”Most people see the Scourge and see something awful, just irredeemable. To me, it’s just a part of our new home you get used to. We all know volcanoes and typhoons are destructive and deadly, but we can admit there’s some part to them that captures the imagination and has a dangerous beauty to it. It’s like someone dropped black ink into a glass of water and it created a web of dark chords with these curious orange lights. It reminds me of deep sea predators.”[/color] Sabinus observed; he sounded respectful and somewhat enthralled.

“I wouldn’t have guessed you to have a green thumb Sabinus... ” she chuckled, taking the cup from Sabinus’ hands, inhaling the scent of the fruit juice. “It’s always refreshing to meet someone with plant passion in their blood.” What she couldn’t agree with him on was his description of the scourge. It was, however, strange that he found it so beautiful. Perhaps he had a point. “I don’t know… I just get entirely bad vibes from it. There’s something I agree with you on though, that word… predator”.

She took a sip from the cup and stayed quiet for a few seconds - pensive in her thoughts for a moment, working out how to string together what she wanted to say. She didn’t want to make it about her from the get go, she asked her leader the following question; “How do you feel about Heleus so far?” She was aware that he had been out of Cryo longer than her, she wondered if over the time he’d been out his feelings had changed.

A pleasant smile crossed his face, his mandibles shifting ever so slightly. He gestured to the cup Naryxa was holding. [color=cadetblue]”Well, you’re holding real progress in your hands. Things now are how I expected them to be when we arrived, and I won’t lie; there were a lot of times when I wasn’t sure if we were going to make it. By the time I came out, life support was on the verge of failing and they had to seal off most of the station and account for each breath taken. 

“The idea to revive most of the labour force was a gamble, because there weren’t enough rations and air to really support more than a handful of people indefinitely. But you would have been amazed at how everyone pulled together, the best minds of the Initiative pulling something truly inspiring out of what nearly was the death of everyone on the ship. It told me that we were going to make it. And now, we have a viable colony that can one day support everyone if need be, and engineering did an incredible amount of work making all of the systems sustainable. So, I’m optimistic. This is home.”[/color]

“I’m glad you think so. I trust you” she replied with a slight sigh, she had to speak to Sabinus about what happened, and feeling that the conversation was considerably warm enough now, she began, turning quickly to Sabinus; “Prodromos shook me a little. I nearly lost it… One of those [is]things[/i]-” she said with a shudder “almost killed me. Worst of all, it was me that was going to let it.” He head tilted to the side, the cup close to her lips as she drank more of the fruit juice, turning back to look out at the scourge again. “I appreciate that you believe this to be home, Sabinus, I do. I’m 287 years old - 600 years away from what was my home.”

She thought then of the Citadel, about the attack on it. About her friends and colleagues who had perished in the attack. Looking at the scourge filled her with the same sense of strangeness that she had felt when she had witnessed the destruction. It dawned on her that she had a lot of unresolved feelings over it somewhere, deep down. She had to.

“I was on the Citadel, I was there when it happened you know.” The Asari knew that Sabinus would know what she referred to. “I had a horrible feeling of dread then, and when I look out at the Scourge, and when I looked at the Kett soldier on Eos. I felt the same thing again.”

The Turian listened, his expression remaining one of acceptance. He definitely understood the need for validation and understanding, for he had been lost himself before finding Tanya. [color=cadetblue]”You have my complete sympathy for what you experienced, I wasn’t there when the attack happened, but I know people who were. The Citadel was supposed to be the safest and most secure place in the galaxy, the place where we could all stand as one knowing that we were there for the same purpose. The Geth changed all of that, and I understand that coping with loss isn’t something that most species are conditioned to expect. We Turians have a history of having entire cities destroyed, hell, even planets, and it doesn’t shake us. We do our duty because it’s expected, and what’s inflicted upon us, we deal back tenfold. It’s why your people and the Salarians asked us to put down the Krogan rebellions, and to be honest, I’ve always expected that I’d find myself in a war where myself and most of my comrades would die. It would be a great victory, something that’s added to our Legion’s banner.”[/color] he said quietly, looking over to meet Naryxa’s eyes with a compassionate gaze.

[color=cadetblue]”But I never believed that’s the way go forward as a people. I asked myself even before my term of service came on my 15th birthday if there was another way. Victory at any cost?”[/color] he snorted. [color=cadetblue]”Utterly wasteful and stupid. You don’t throw away lives on gambles or quick victories. I wasn’t hugely popular in the academy, some people called me cowardly because I tried different strategies. I’d retreat, use hit and run tactics, set ambushes… what would take other Fireteam leaders hours to accomplish sometimes took me days. The difference was that those under my command survived, I had by far the lowest casualty figures, and I didn’t needlessly risk equipment. If people wanted a stand up fight or to have glory, I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction. Instead of going for a killing blow, it was a dozen slashes with a knife. Bleed them dry, make them frustrated… sloppy. My instructors were impatient and those who weren’t in my squad thought I was a hack and un-Turian, but those who were under me grew loyal because we’d win without needlessly throwing their lives away. It’s why, ultimately, I fell into law enforcement instead of military operations.”[/color] he said, setting the cup down and looking back out the window, towards the Scourge dancing dangerously outside.

[color=cadetblue]”I tell you this because this is the lessons I’ve brought to APEX, why they picked me to lead a Fireteam. I have the resolve of my people with the flexibility of a human, the compassion of Asari, and the ability to process information like a Salarian.”[/color] Sabinus chuckled, grinning in spite of himself. [color=cadetblue]”At least, that’s what I tell myself in the mirror in the mornings. Tanya tells me to shut up, but we all have our stupid rituals and it’s a goal to aspire towards. It’s okay that you’re scared, that you had a moment of loss and trauma coming back to haunt you… trust me, my partner has her own ghosts that we’ve been working through. She still flinches when she gets too close to Batarians, and she wakes up from fitful nightmares more nights than most people would be comfortable with dealing with. I don’t get a lot of sleep, but you don’t abandon someone because things are hard.”[/color]  he reached over, placing a hand on Naryxa’s back. He leaned in, bringing himself a few inches closer. [color=cadetblue]”A lot of people left the Milky Way because it  was too painful to stay. Loss seems to be a reoccurring theme amongst most of the colonists, and coming here and finding that our new home is full of horrible monsters that don’t even want to talk before trying to kill us is daunting, you aren’t wrong to fear the Kett. But they are not going to win, and it will be a miserable day of me losing my faith in any of the people under my command before I let them do anything to any of you. Did you know that Tazen and I handpicked everyone in Echo? You were one of the ones I wanted on the roster. There’s a reason for that.”[/color]

Naryxa smiled. Sabinus was right. She was glad he had Tanya - even if it was a reminder that she didn’t bring along anyone, and that she was alone. “I’m glad that you have Tanya. It sounds like you both have a beautiful companionship… I think I could have had that once. I ran from it though. Something about us Asari and our very long lives I suppose…” She wanted to open up a little more, there was something about the Turian and the way that he listened and gave himself to conversation that made her feel safe to admit feelings; “I had someone, a human. It was just fooling around for fun at first. But I did have feelings for him so I ended things when he wanted to move to the next level. I would never change anything about my life, Sabinus, but watching my dear father die of old age when I was so young is a fate I wouldn’t want to push on children of my own when the time comes. We live for so long that relationships that last as long as we do are rare and hard to come by…” 

Noticing that they had gone entirely off-topic suddenly took her by surprise and she let out a quiet laugh. With that in mind, she didn’t feel quite so alone in Heleus now. She had a friend in Sabinus, and several more potential friends in her teammates. Even the reckless ones - [i]especially the reckless ones[/i]. There was something to be learned from beings who lived with such a different philosophy than her own. 

“Thank you Sabinus. I feel a lot better all of a sudden…” as she trailed off her sentence, she turned to look at the many people who were going about their day on the Nexus. There was a wealth of opportunity to be found. New beginnings were boundless across the sea of people that had also chased destiny 600 years to find their new home.  

He nodded. [color=cadetblue]”I think everyone looks at a thousand year lifespan as a blessing, but I always thought it would be hard for exactly that reason. Although, you could make some pretty sound investments that would pay off in a few hundred years.”[/color] he grinned. [color=cadetblue]”But I’m sorry to hear about your paramour, I can understand your reasoning, but personally, I think even a few years of being happy is worth it. Even a hundred years is a long time, it’s just something Asari have to come to terms with I suppose. I’ve seen Asari with Salarians before, talk about a short-term commitment. Just don’t be afraid to enjoy yourself, nothing’s eternal, and life’s too short to second guess what feels right.”[/color] Sabinus said, offering a knowing nod. 

“I suppose the thing of it is, is that while we have these lifespans - they aren’t promised to us. It’s every day that becomes our lifespan, our story. The choices we make and the things that we do.” 

“I even guess it’s the things that we [i]don’t[/i] do that can come to define us, and become chapters in the story of our lives. We’re all starting a new chapter now, aren’t we? We’re here and it’s time to come together and make something of Heleus.” She felt a strong sense of hope growing within herself, like a plant almost. A tiny plant that had seeded itself within and was waiting for energy so that it could bloom. She turned again and looked into Sabinus’s eyes with a warm smile; “I really appreciate this. I think… I think I’m ready to continue writing my story. I’m looking forward to how it pans out…” Now she could look at the Scourge without the instinctual fear, when she stared into the knots and make-up of it all, it looked like golden threads shimmering against the charcoal veil of endless, infinite space.