[@Bai Suzhen]

I’d really like to throw it out there at I firstly love Morag. I think that it is a unique concept to give this kind of power often given to fat slovenous man to a beautiful attractive woman. Something about that really works for me and really appeals to me and I really want to accept Morag, but we need to work on somethings before I can even do that.

Tier: I'd suggest lowering her down to a Tier 3 due to her ability being so linearly focused with her metabolism. 

Appearance, where did height and weight go? I need at least those. Though this section could use some polish, however, I am not going to force it upon you.

[quote]Personality:

A cross between playful and professional, ready with a quip but not about to let it get in the way of what needs to be done. Has something of a chip on her shoulder about New Breed discrimination, believing it to be why she was never accepted into the police. She likes to be prepared for situations.[/quote]

I am going to say that this really undercuts the woman I have seen in the non canon RP. I’d like to see more personality in here because at this point this is really limiting on what the character could be. It’s sparse in details and frankly doesn’t give me a sense of a nuanced individual.

[quote]Skills: Training in criminology, forensics, investigation etc.[/quote]

This is not acceptable in anyway. I don’t do list, especially when they add in etc. You need to define these skills more. How far her training in criminology was, her area of focus, how she performs this, etc. ←-see, etc. doesn’t belong in a skill section. These are ways to flesh out your characters knowledge and even these skills close to her non mundane existence and they don’t seem connected much to her mundane lifestyle. Where’s the “i like to fold laundry”.Once again this is where you can get creative and create the sense of a person.

[quote]Fighting Style: LHA-taught mixed martial arts. A simple but effective brawling style for those with enhanced abilities.[/quote]

Who is teaching this? When? Viorel cannot teach martial arts. Most of the people in SYNBAD use their own set of enhancement of style to correlate with their fighting style. And even this description of the style is barebones and sparse and lacking detail. Hasn’t told us how it works, what are the techniques used, etc.

[quote]Strength: Above human - push a parked car or crack concrete with a kick

Endurance: Above human - Heals quickly, can shrug off punches that would KO a human, stamina further enhanced by ability.

Willpower: Good, but within human range.

Speed: Above human - Can sprint on par with a bicycle, and maintain for extended periods

Reaction Speed: Above human - can't catch a bullet, but has a decent chance of dodging if she can see the gun[/quote]

First off, these belong in the Combat Information section per the sheet format was written. In this case it keeps things organized. The main meat of this, is that this isn’t necessarily good. Once again you don’t add the detail needed. Strength for example, she can push a car or crack concrete with a kick. But you don’t further define this. Probably I should have clarified more these categories though they seemed obvious. Strength isn’t about offense it’s about the physical defense. Endurance has a lot to do with stamina and sustainability as well as healing. But the taking a punch should be moved into Strength. Willpower needs further defining. The whole section needs more than single sentence to convey a range of function.

[quote]Character Theme:
Physical Enhancement

Ability Capabilities: 
Extreme Metabolism/Internal Alchemy[/quote]

As I defined in the character sheet, character theme is the gimmick they present. And it is the combination of all combat skills and abilities and how they combine it together that paint the picture of their theme.. So is her ability metabolism or is her ability physical enhancement? Because this is how this world works. Fire is fire, it cannot be water, and cannot make people wet as well as be fire. Ability Capabilities should read more like; 

With her extreme metabolism she has an internal alchemy that allows her to do [insert whatever it is]

[quote]Qualities of Ability: Morag can metabolise anything. If she eats, breathes, injects or otherwise takes it into her body it is quickly and safely broken down to fuel her and her powers. Some things have more energy than others, so she can still become exhausted by extended activity, but consuming something rich in energy quickly refreshes her. She is capable of breathing underwater, enduring vacuum by snacking, and breaking down large foreign bodies such as bullets to heal without a scar.

Most of what Morag eats goes towards replenishing her energy, letting her go all out for extended periods, which is often misinterpreted as a 'Popeye's spinach' effect.

Morag's mouth is much stronger than the rest of her. She can bite through a reinforced rod she struggled to bend with her hands and comfortably drink acids that would have burned her skin. The explanation for this is currently classified as 'magic' as tests haven't discovered anything abnormal in her saliva etc.

As a side effect, she is immune to poisons, drugs and alcohol, and enjoys the taste of things that would leave a human gagging. She'll drink bleach for fun.

Morag's powers manifested when she was a baby, and would leave bite marks in her crib. Her enhanced physical attributes have also been slowly increasing, from being an exceptionally athletic child through a mildly superhuman tween, to reach her current level. She is still growing at a slow and steady rate, and will likely be exceptionally long-lived, as much as anything about a New Breed power can be predicted.

-snip-[/quote]

Same comment as I made above. I gave you the categories to plug this in, because right now I cannot follow what is a strength or weakness. My categories give me an ability to organize information and categorize it appropriately. With that said, I did state above, I want to know directly how her metabolism affects her to give her physical enhancement? Is it only after she eats things, etc? And if that’s the case then her combat information would need to be reworked. Though I’ll be honest and say without the categories I am having trouble following along.


Before SYNBAD Morag got a minor mention in a local newspaper for having a part-time job at a dump, eating non-recyclable waste. It still shows up if you google her.

Morag's first job with LHA to make the news was a 'silly season' headline in which she foiled a villainous bomber's  scheme by eating the explosives. To her dismay, this was all the paper focused on and not her investigative work tracking him down, or even her soundbites about being a part of LHA. To make things worse, it was before she had picked a codename, and the journalists took this as an opportunity to get creative. The name 'Snack Attack' still follows her around, despite being officially 'Foundry'.

One thing Morag brought to LHA when she moved in was her childhood stuffed animal. Kevlar Kevin is a stuffed bear made of kevlar, and stuffed with ball bearings. It was specially ordered by her parents, and was one of the few toys Morag couldn't accidentally destroy or eat with her powers at the time.

From a gossip magazine: Star Spotters! Sharon from Peckham sent in this pic of local heroine Foundry out for a snack attack with a smoking stranger! Is London's caped crimebuster club recruiting, or is this the start of a romantic relationship? (Pictured is Morag at a Priceo Coffee with another Newbreed made of smoke. The article ended up killing their fledgling romance, as the smoke-girl was not prepared for the increased scrutiny)

I’m going to be extremely blunt and straightforward, but this comes off very lazy. You didn’t write any of the actual interviews, which I think they help define the character and give them more personability. And while I asked you to get these clips up, I didn’t necessarily mean rush the Biography. Just meant to get them up.

All in all I see potential in Morag and want her to be the best she can be. I really want her in this RP. Super bad, but these glaring spots I cannot ignore.