Brendon did kind of know there was no way he could attend this party, for both technical and personal reasons, because it was the 21 years landmark, it would be pretty much centred around drinking- and a, he wouldn’t even be able to get in to any potential venues at his age, and b, even if he did manage to get in, he was aware people would be uncomfortable drinking around him, and Ryan would be too stressed about the possible triggers and temptations so easily accessible to Brendon to enjoy himself- he didn’t want that, he wanted Ryan to actually enjoy himself for once without worrying about Brendon. Even so, it wasn’t like he wanted to be left at home- so he just pushed it to the back of his mind, pretending like he was going even though he knew Ryan would be thinking nervously whenever he mentioned it ‘how do I tell him he isn’t going’. He would have been offended at the frankness; the conversation was literally a [i]Brendon, you’re not going,[/i] followed by Brendon looking kind of taken aback, followed by a softer but still persistent voice of [i]You can’t go, because...[/i] And then Brendon tuned out, because he already knew the reasons. He just stared at Ryan as he spoke, smiling despite himself because he was pretty, but then making himself sad because he couldn’t be with Ryan at this party.

He got over it eventually, or he thought he did until they were both standing in the doorway, Brendon’s arms wrapped around Ryan’s waist, chasing kisses when Ryan tried to pull away and even trying his luck at his neck just to extend the time they had together, until Ryan told him with as much seriousness as he could muster that he had to leave or he’d miss his flight. Brendon then kind of peeled himself off his boyfriend and kissed him once, chastely, again, lingering only a little before pulling back and leaning against the doorframe as Ryan finally actually left. The next few days we’re going to suck, he thought absently, and stood there for a few seconds before closing it behind him as he walked back into their apartment. Immediately after he collapsed down onto the couch and turned on the TV, texting Ryan almost right away just to say ‘I love you’. They were kind of ridiculous and Brendon missed him already.

It was sad, really, because Brendon was the metaphorical life of the party (even though he wasn’t sure how he’d be, sober, around drunk people, and he was kind of scared to find out). He kept in frequent contact with Ryan, who happily obliged to respond to his near-ridiculous levels of texting, and snapchat selfies, and tagged Instagram memes. When Ryan was understandably too busy, he tried not to be too much like a puppy left at home, and messaged the group chat instead. Holden responded just with a ‘wish you were here’, mitch with a shrug emoji, Gabe read it and didn’t respond, and dallon was the only one who actually satisfied him with a rundown of what was happening, until they all started ignoring him (even Ryan), and Brendon figured the party had started and he just sighed to himself before unpausing the game he’d left suspended for the last hour and finally tried to carry on. Luckily, Ryan started messaging him again pretty soon, so he was entertained again. Brendon really wasn’t meant to be on his own.

He knew Ryan missed him, but he really didn’t expect that within five minutes, he had booked a flight back to Seattle and had left his own birthday party unannounced. Brendon wondered if Ryan was drunk- obviously he’d had alcohol, Brendon had seen it from several people’s snapchat stories, and it was a goddamn 21st birthday party, but still- drunk? It was odd to associate Ryan, who actually swore off alcohol once upon a time, with drunkenness, drunk texts and the like. Brendon sent back several confused texts, but got no response- presumably because Ryan was on a plane, on the way back to Seattle. He made a mental note to actually get ready, and look presentable, because he looked like a mess who hadn’t showered yet today, and his boyfriend hadn’t seen him in a couple of days, and he wanted to look cute. Not that he didn’t anyway, but, like, extra pretty.

He almost forgot, full disclosure; so when he got a text from Ryan, saying he’d landed and he’d be home in about an hour, he shot to his feet and scrambled to shower, get dressed and do his hair, so he’d look presentable, as if the man who was coming home hadn’t known him most of his life and was literally in love with him. His timing was impeccable, apparently, because as soon as he had sorted out his hair, and was examining himself in the mirror, some familiar arms wrapped around his waist, and a familiar face joined his own in the mirror as Ryan pressed his chest against Brendon’s back and shoulder and pressed a kiss onto his cheek. Ryan was grinning, and Brendon relaxed into his arms, smiling with equal enthusiasm. [i]Hey.[/i] He let himself be turned around and pressed close, holding onto his arm and his side, looking up at him, enamoured. [i]Were you getting ready for me? That’s so fucking cute.[/i] Laughing softly, brendon shrugged his shoulders back, noting how Ryan kind of smelled of whiskey and he definitely sounded a little tipsy. Surprisingly, he found it didn’t bother him.

[b]”Yeah, baby, I wanted to look pretty,”[/b] He replied honestly, and was close to elaborating when Ryan leaned in to kiss him, a gesture Brendon returned enthusiastically for a few moments before Ryan pulled back way too soon. He chased again, reminiscent of the goodbyes at the doorway, and curled a hand tighter around his side just above his hip, almost possessive. [i]I missed you so much, New York sucks, and. Twenty-one isn't as cool as people make it seem.[/i] Brendon raised an eyebrow. [b]”You kidding? You can buy me alcohol now.”[/b] He smiled, making sure Ryan knew he was definitely joking, and leaned up to kiss him again, moving his arms to wrap around his neck this time. There was a weird combination of relaxation and urgency- they had all the time in the world but Brendon wanted to hurry. This lead to him speaking between kisses, words and phrases between kisses punctuated with intakes and exhales of breath. [b]”I forgot how tall you are now,”[/b] He managed, biting his lip.