[quote=@Briza] [color=gray]The fake word was intentional according to [i]Ripley's Believe It or Not[/i]. I was having fun with lyrics and song titles when I wrote this piece. [i]Fantasmic[/i] is the name of a Nightwish song, and not-so-coincidentally, the title of this piece is in reference to the song [i]Cassie[/i] by Flyleaf. A spellchecker would have been helpful, though. Thank you very much for the recommendation. I am quite clutsy. I mean, klutyz. :brow[/color] [/quote] I see...But I don't really see the relevance between that show and the story. Nor, the Flyleaf song. So it didn't really come across that way. (But I like that song, so no complaints.) I can relate to the idea of listening to music unrelated yet similar in mood while writing. As I wrote part of my story while playing The Dear Hunter - His Hands Matched His Tongue. [quote=@Briza] [color=gray]The use of the word, [i]gaunt[/i] is a play with the crowfoot grass, which signifies, although the meadow appears alive, he is actually in a state of dying.[/color] [/quote] Actually, forgive me. This was my fuck up. I assumed most of the other were different spellings. The internet lied to me. :P [quote=@Briza] [color=gray]But, I never said what season it was! The green leaves are signifying this, and I stand by my point because different parts of the world hold different shades and hues of grass and leaf combinations depending on the time of the year.[/color] [/quote] Everything is debatable. But I think the light breeze, radiant sun, the green of the trees already mentioned. The clear blue sky and the fact they're outside and it hadn't mentioned cold weather, or rain. And the grass was still soft. That you'd have enough context clues without mentioning the color of the leaves. [quote=@Briza][color=Gray]It is okay. You do not need to apologize, but your apology is accepted. I am sorry my writing felt like paint drying on the wall.[/color][/quote] That might be a little too harsh. :P I didn't want to sound rude, but I felt I had to be honest with my thoughts on each piece. [quote=@Briza] [color=gray]In whatever defense of your last comment: they were in the meadows; they went on the mountain path; and they finished at the top of the mountain. It is understandable to make that mistake, though.[/color] [/quote] So, a meadow directly next to mountain, going up the mountain and being on the mountain? I guess, my character had one extra place they went to themselves. Well I doubt that detail will matter in others judgement anyway. Worked fine for the story you were trying to tell. [quote=@Briza] [color=gray]With that said, thank you for your critique! I will probably not be returning your favor and make it for some reason like [s]I'm lazy[/s] I am super spiteful you did not even go into any of the foreshadowing of how the story would end or what the flower symbolized or how the story loops itself and why. Now, if you'll excuse me, Briza has some crying to do over spilled milk.[/color] [/quote] I appreciate the playful response. But I would like to address the lack of foreshadowing. Because my god, I had so much of it I was afraid I was too on the nose. XD And as for symbolism, you don't have to look up what a cyclamen symbolizes via google, to understand what it meant in context with the story. And I'm unsure what you mean by looping itself and why? But I'll explain the themes and such of my story. As well as one can, in the middle of the night. [hider=Spoilers?] [img]https://dz9yg0snnohlc.cloudfront.net/new-understanding-the-stages-of-grief-1.png[/img] Character's Name: Ross (Initials R.K) -Shock of the war -Snake/Denial -Pyrolisk/Anger -Bartender/Barginning -Lake/Depression -Man/Testing -Grave/Acceptance There's a chance and possibility of an unreliable narrator, that this amnesia never existed. That these events never actually happened. Dude was in a war and suffered, so these literally could all be in his head. But it's also ambiguous. Consider what all the monster characters said, and Ross. And ask what if it was him, directly talking about the mother. The snake's "She’ll be happy to see you again. Forgiving you with a big kiss and serving your favorite meal for dinner." Like he got back from the war, and she'd still be there. The chicken's "If you cared about her so much, why is she gone?" Even the bartenders, "I can only implore caution on your journey. No one traverses here unless they’re connected with death...” Could easily be referring to the alcoholism and sprialing down that path, not the bar itself. (which is also could be foreshadowing the mother's death. When Ross takes about a comment of his own health.) The Lake "Let go!" Had nothing to do with the seaweed. It was about being unable to let go of his mothers death. As for extra foreshadowing...there's plenty. The title. Just passing. Frankly, this was made me think I was being to obvious. What does 'passing' refer to? Ross saying a compass couldn't find his mother, because her soul is elsewhere. So there's quite a bit of foreshadowing, maybe you're also being playful here. It's hard to tell on the internet... I also still want someone to get a chuckle that the person resembling denial is a literal snake oil salesman...Why does no one like my puns? ;-; I want extra credit that I knew these flowers existed because I used to help my mother with gardening. :I It's a poisonous flower that symbolizes death, the fact that all good things will eventually end and goodbyes. It's basically less obvious (and romantic/happy) version of roses. Which seems appropriate for a mother/son relationship. But that also doesn't need to be said, to get the connection. https://www.canadianflowerdelivery.com/cyclamen.aspx That's probably not everything, I haven't reread it recently...but maybe that clarifies the 'lack of' foreshadow bit. At the very least. :) [/hider]