[@SleepingSilence]

I don't really feel like sparring all afternoon with someone over something that I feel was written in 100% fairness. So I'll just quickly touch on some of your points.

I did not feel the need to give every sentence of your story a paragraph long breakdown. I'll admit, I was more brief than usual this time with your entry. This was because I found every sentence bothered me in some way. And who really wants to read someone tearing apart a story a sentence at a time? So I tried to do something on the line. In hindsight, I probably should have just done a "bulk" style review like I did with the first two. 

For "battle scars bared on his bare back," what makes this flawed is that it's redundant. His back is bare, so of course he's baring his scars. The mosquito bites don't really have anything to do with the scars on his back. I'm just a little confused as to why you tried to tie these two together. I feel it would be better changed to something along the lines of "He ignored his burning legs, which were covered in mosquito bites." The reason why you included this detail in the first place was to let us feel how uncomfortable the character is, right? This type of error isn't unique to you. It's something I use to do a lot. 

Another thing I use to do a lot was use commas to branch a bunch of stuff together so that it read fast.

"Noticing the falling lampshade, and despite the obsticles, Derick dove under the lamp to catch it."

"Catching a glimpse of Tonya's clevage, which was right in front of his face, he blushed."

"With sword in hand, and the monster charging, he cut at the zombies."

But with time and practice, I realized that I could make these read a lot better. 

"He saw the lampshade was falling. Derick wasted no time in diving for the lampshade. The toy blocks pressed into his chest like small spears."

"Tonya took a full step towards the short man. With their height difference, this put her silken clad breasts directly in front of his face. It was impossible to stop his cheeks from flushing red."

"The knight drew his sword as the monster approached. When it lunged at him, he swung his sword overhead, splitting the beast in two and covering himself in it's entrails."

I do not think the second set of sentences are necessarily faster than the first ones. I do think they read better however.

"Lack of knowledge doesn't make the writer wrong for using the word." He says, and you are correct. But I was more trying to illustrate how using adjectives alone doesn't make for very interesting reading. As an example, I could write "The mouth of the cave was fitted with long stalagmites. They looked like razor sharp teeth, waiting to devour the next adventurer to enter." Or I could write "The cave looked like an angry dragon." Which gets the point across, but isn't as interesting.

In regards to me being "blunt" and "nonconstructive," I actually tailored my review to you. If you read my other reviews for the others, you'll notice they are much, much nicer. This is partially because I felt they were better written, but has more to do with the fact that you were being "blunt" and "honest" with everyone in here. SO I figured you could take something a little harsher. If I was mistaken, then I would curb your honesty when dealing with others. Do unto others as you would like done onto you and all that.