[@Not Fishing] So I waited a good while and read through it a few times before writing this feedback, but you already knew that would be the case. I couldn't quite shake the reservation about adding yet another 'heir denied' character to the pile (as I checked the Characters tab and we already have two). I grappled with the idea of letting it slide for a long while and it's honestly kind of a frustrating decision that feels bad having to make (but nobody said being GM was easy). As I said earlier I normally am not firm regarding backstories, however I cannot shake the concern that adding a third character of the same backstory archetype dilutes the value of the trope for all three of them. I think both your main character and your Legionnaire suffer from this same problem in fact.

The other problem I have giving it a thorough evaluation is that I get the feeling of genericism. If I had to guess, you hammered out the first idea you had in twenty minutes for the sake of getting it done. It doesn't feel like there was any passion put into it at all. That can suggest a number of things, though I cannot know which specifically applies in this instance. Perhaps you're just throwing your name in the hat for the sake of having a fantasy RP in your current portfolio - which I would take issue with given the limited slot nature of this RP - or you're not writing a character you're really passionate about creating and playing, which I would consider a disservice to yourself more than anything that won't lead to an enjoyable experience.

I would like to see another pass on the backstory work before I sign off on it. I also feel like a complete change in direction is not out of character, but I can't read your thought process beyond that which you post openly. I can only infer from what's written. All of that said, if you absolutely have your heart set on this version, come talk to me about it on the Discord or in PMs.