While familiar with the whole 'opposites attract' premise, Ryan honestly couldn't believe how drawn he was to Brendon considering their differences. It was extravagance, sheer talent, exuberance, charisma, all of that, versus Ryan's kind of awkward stumbly self. He wasn't being modest, either, it was just the truth that they were from opposite ends of the universe. He'd have no way of understanding anything about Brendon or why he did the things he did if he didn't a.) naturally possess a knack for empathy, or b.) have some background knowledge on Brendon's life and who his upbringing involved. The latter just made every ridiculous stunt he performed sort of rational, somehow. Plus, Ryan could [i]somewhat[/i] relate, to an extent; it's not that his dad was super successful and therefore spited him because of his lack of (what his father considered) success, which was the case with Brendon. It's just that Ryan's dad had sort of quit on him, too, abandoned him as a lost cause. In different, less active ways, sure, and therefore Ryan didn't have to suffer the emotional toll that he assumed Brendon had, but still. He could imagine.

Similarly, Ryan attracted none of the attention or lifestyle that Brendon easily did. Even if Brendon hadn't come from the family he did, Ryan was fairly certain he'd he wildly popular and well-loved anyway by anyone he came across. Ryan, on the other hand, could pass through life rather invisibly if he wanted to, and oftentimes he actually did. He had made as many close friends in his lifetime as he could count on one hand, and anyone who wasn't considered close didn't bother to hang out with him regularly anyway (or, more accurately, Ryan pushed them away out of a lack of patience). He couldn't imagine having the expansive social circle that Brendon had, nor could he imagine people dreaming about him, dedicating Twitter accounts to him, strangers making images of him their lockscreen. Then again, with as many people as there were that had a superficial obsession with Brendon or the life he led, it became increasingly clearer with time that close to nobody was genuinely interested in making a deeper connection. Which was, again, incomprehensible to Ryan, who'd [i]accidentally[/i] fallen down that rabbithole.

Although he could usually read people pretty easily, Ryan found it hard to pin down exactly how Brendon felt about him. His true thoughts were that Brendon just felt neutrally towards him - he was easy company, someone who'd be around regardless of what he did, and that was the end of it, probably. Ryan had never considered himself someone really interesting or admirable, after all; his friends didn't tend to express any excitement over any part of his character (but that's just 'cause they were lowkey either way) and he didn't pick up on any extraordinary personal traits himself. So he was, in his eyes, lacking in any department that might impress Brendon. But if he was still getting called up at random like this, where he was clearly delivering something useless to Brendon, occasionally he let himself believe that his perceptions were wrong, that Brendon wasn't 'just this way with everyone' or 'had nothing better to do.' Maybe his kind of plain personality was appealing, sometimes. It was nice to think, and Ryan let himself hang on to the delusion for a while until he was alone with his thoughts again, faced with only his own insecurity.

And it was lame that being liked by Brendon was so important to him. In a way, he was no better than those people who watched from afar, weirdly involved in Brendon's life even if they'd never met him. It shouldn't affect him so much when Brendon did something as basic as addressing him directly and personally - especially not after the amount of time he'd had to get used to it - but it did. [i]You’ll be off-duty when I’m dead, babe.[/i] Ryan's always carefully controlled expression flickered briefly, giving way to a weakened, dizzy smile and the upwards curl of his brow for half a second before he gathered himself. [b]"Probably sooner than you think if you keep on using [i]soda[/i] to get me here. Maybe start asking for bottled water or, like, spinach."[/b] He had to ease the clearly strong effects of him getting too real, too early, but maybe this wasn't the best approach. Whatever. Ryan let his attempts at humor fall flat without any efforts to revive them - he'd likely embarrass himself more, anyway.

[i]So, with that in mind, can I cut your pay?[/i] Ryan met his gaze, slightly uneven from the angle where he was slightly leaned away from Brendon and, in counterpoint, Brendon's head was curiously tilted, and knew this was a test on his patience. He smirked, not bothering to roll his eyes since it was probably implied. [b]"Sure - then you can watch me wither away while I barely make rent every month. You live in a ridiculously expensive neighborhood, you know."[/b] He did know, of course, but at this point their conversation was about eighty-percent useless banter. [i]You’re my employee, I’m meant to be professional. Believe it or not, this is me trying my fuckin’ hardest.[/i] It's not that Brendon sounded upset in any way, but Ryan still felt a little badly for his response; of course he knew what Brendon trying looked like. Seeing Brendon interact casually with others made it clear what his normal conversations went like, how quickly they drifted to inappropriate places whereas he was fine at staying strictly surface-level with Ryan most of the time. Ryan appreciated it, really. [b]"Yes, sir,"[/b] he mumbled at the sky, playing along with their newly addressed professionalism game.

Ryan barely noticed Brendon's reaction to his words - in fact, he didn't catch on to anything off at all. He hadn't expected anything from just saying the truth, actually, so there was nothing to watch for. He did glanced over when he realized from his periphery that Brendon was taking down a couple more buttons and swallowed thickly, realizing his nerves were rising gradually the more time he spent out here, and now the reason was discernible. He knew Brendon. Mostly, anyway. At least, he knew Brendon enough to guess what was probably going on here... but that was ridiculous. First, the 'plain personality' thing. He wasn't what Brendon went for in the sense of his character traits, nor was he his 'type' in any way except for maybe the fact that he was tall. [i]Ish.[/i] He held a scant few centimeters over Brendon, enough to be visible but not enough to compensate for the fact that he was clearly not in the same league. Ryan decided maybe he was jumping to conclusions wanting to leave so quickly - it wasn't fair to Brendon.

Stupidly, with a tiny amount of suspicion left over, Ryan followed him back into the apartment, his arms still tucked at his sides to protect from the cold night/early morning air. [i]The Queen wouldn’t take my shit.[/i] Finding it difficult to come up with equivalent responses let alone speak, Ryan just nodded with a steely, forced smile, watching Brendon move around from his station right in the balcony's entrance. [i]So, are you in a rush? Got anyone to get home to?[/i] Ryan stared at the can on the table and remembered buying it, throwing a twenty at the cashier 'cause he didn't have any smaller bills. God, he missed the days where he only paid in ones and carefully counted exact change. He briefly contemplated lying, but even if he wanted to, he was rendered immediately unable to by watching Brendon's face change. [b]"No, not really,"[/b] he said, and thought about how his TV screen was still on, waiting for him. Weird habit to keep when it was pretty much impossible for a breakin to occur. Anyway, it totally counted, so he answered a little more comfortably. [b]"Just Trevor Reznik waiting on me. But he's a creep."[/b] Ryan laughed softly even though the joke was more than sort of dumb, looking away abruptly.

Finally he moved a little closer, taking hesitant steps towards Brendon but at the same time in the direction of the door. [b]"Um, but, you know, I should probably go home, right? You should be asleep. I'm supposed to make sure you do healthy stuff like that, aren't I? Go to sleep before the sun comes up, at least."[/b] He just needed an excuse other than '[i]I'm really nervous by the subtext here and gotta go[/i]' or whatever the hell was throwing him off. To look a little less like a freak he figured he could approach Brendon like a normal, unaffected person would, but the amount of buttons that were deliberately undone made him so anxious that he expanded his own personal bubble by at least two feet. Which was weird, 'cause he'd seen Brendon in various states of undress just because that was the way Brendon lived, but. This felt like a whole other situation.