[@Matador] [quote=@Matador] [hider=Tatsuya Mondo] [center] [img]https://i.imgur.com/00p8VSL.png[/img] [i]So you're sayin' I got a 3 percent shot of making it out alive...that's practically 100, ain't it?[/i][/center] [b]Name:[/b] Tatsuya Mondo [b]Alias:[/b] Mondo-san, Tacchan. [b]Title:[/b] The Gambling Icarus [b]Meaning:[/b] It represents the overeagerness with which he approaches gambling. Many fully expect him to overextend in his life and lose a bet he can never truly recover from. His fascination with gambling is nothing short of an addiction that’ll inevitable send him towards a downward spiral. [color=red]This section was for your name. Tatsuya Mondo, what does [i]it[/i] mean?[/color] [b]Species:[/b] Human [b]Gender:[/b] Male [b]Sexuality:[/b] Heterosexual [b]Real Age:[/b] 16 [b]Age Appearance:[/b] 18 [b]History:[/b] For a large portion of his life, Tatsuya had always been a quiet and reserved child. He lived the average life of a city boy, had his own part time job, and was a member of his school’s boxing club. Despite that, he never stood out from the pack. Everything about him screamed uncertainty, timidness, and reservation that stopped him from reaching his full potential. Whether it was speaking in public, putting in his all in boxing, or trying his best to strike up a conversation with some of the lady customers at his convenience store job, everything he did screamed half assed. His reclusive nature made him come off as weird and most of his peers wanted nothing to do with him. He felt hollow. Most of the things he loved were starting to bore him. [color=red]The whole boxing part seems out of place. He's supposedly timid, which implies he's fearful or shy but he decides to join his school's boxing club? where he would be judge in matches for all to see. It seems like you just threw that in as an excuse for Tatsuya being able to fight. Also, just because someone is reclusive doesn't mean they are weird. Most people only react to a stimulus, what has Tatsuya done to merit his exile? And what does he love? or did love? [/color] The root of a lot of Tatsuya’s problems in adolescence can all be traced back to a single moment of his life. [color=red]The placement of this sentence causes a bit of confusion. Consider rearranging it or deleting it all together (its not really needed).[/color] It was one day when he was fourteen years old and was stacking the shelves at work. That was when a suspiciously looking man slowly strutted his way to the front counter. In the blink of an eye, he pulled out his gun and demanded that everyone get down to the ground. The elderly cashier working there at the time could barely register what was happening. The robber grew more and more impatient with the man’s slowness until he decided enough was enough. He pointed the gun at the trembling old man’s face and was about to pull the trigger. As he was on the ground praying for his life, a surge of both guilt and adrenaline coursed through Tatsuya’s body. How could he just stand by when an innocent old man was about to have his life taken away from him? Before he knew it, he had charged at the robber and tackled him down to the ground. He pounded him with fist after fist, faster and faster and faster until all of a sudden...he had stopped struggling. He looked near dead, but was simply unconscious. [color=red]Timid, quiet, and reserved, Tatsuya ignored an armed robber's demand and beat said gunmen with his bare hands? Maybe this is when his powers could come in. It would make taking down the gunmen more believable.[/color] For a period of time after that, Tatsuya had his 10 minutes of fame as a hero. But that didn’t concern him in the slightest. What did, though, was the feeling of excitement he felt that could only be described as a pure adrenaline rush. The numbness that had been plaguing him for so long had dissipated in that one moment. He didn’t want to let go of that feeling. He wanted more. He didn’t want to feel hollow again. At first, it started with gambling in mahjong parlors, but Tatsuya soon found himself wrapped up in business with the delinquent gangs of Tokyo. Soon, he garnered a reputation as the man who had never once backed down or lost a game of Chicken in his entire life. [color=red]An entire 360 turnaround.[/color] Though, that didn’t mean that he always got out unscathed. He would regularly get beat down by members of the opposing team who were furious at him for leaving unharmed when his opponents would always leave with brutal, sometimes life threatening injuries. [color=red]How? is he using his power?[/color] His parents quickly caught sight of some of these injuries and he was quickly transferred to a school far away from the big city atmosphere that was Tokyo. Though he’s been adjusting well enough, he never shook off his reputation as a thrill seeker. Lately, it’s more because of his refusal to back away from a fight, though even now, he wants nothing more than to experience greater and greater thrills... [color=red]My biggest issue is the total erasure of who he was, without a real reason as to why. He saved a life and got a dose of adrenaline, I get that, but that sent him spiraling into the playboy-type? my advice would be to introduce your power early on, that would explain why he's a bit off from everyone else and give more reason for his actions at the convenience store. Taking down a criminal without effort could give him a confidence-boost.[/color] [b]Personality |[/b] [list][*] Courageous [*] Confident [*] Skilled Brawler [color=red]Not really a personality trait.[/color] [*] Cocky [*] Overly playful [*] Adrenaline addict [*] Seemingly a decade behind when it comes to technology, still has a flip-phone. [color=red]Also not a personality trait.[/color][/list] [b]Power and Techniques |[/b] [list][*] Core Power - Spirit Strings - A technique that allows him to create and control thick strands of string from his finger tips. The technique’s range is about 20 feet. [color=red]how strong are they? how fast? Remember they are at D-Rank.[/color] [*] Spike Strings - Tiny barbs are added to the springs to inflict greater pain on enemies. Cannot be combined with his other string techniques. [*] Invisibility Strings - He hides his strings with invisibility. Can only be used on one hand’s strings, at the moment. [color=red]how long does the invisibility last? can they be incorporated with your other technique: Tracker String?[/color] [*] Tracker String - He disconnects a strand of string and places it on an object/person of interest, using it to track them down should they get away from him. [color=red]How long does this last?[/color] [/list] [b]Spirit Class:[/b] D-class. [b]Weapon(s):[/b] N/A. [b]Theme:[/b] [hider][youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FaPajoXIxFU[/youtube][/hider][/hider] Reposting this. [/quote] [color=red]Anything in red are either clarifications that I need smoothen out or glaring issues. Check your quoted CS for the review. My main advice would be to make everything mash together better.[/color]