Ryan felt pretty stupid for joining the probably already existing, expansive group of people who fell for Brendon like this, and all of whom may have known full well that Brendon would never return their affections. Ryan certainly knew and that just made matters worse. Usually he was so [i]good[/i] at keeping his emotions in check; he never snapped at people or showed signs of being annoyed if he was really trying not to. If he was happy about something he generally had to consciously show it, even. Somehow, Brendon managed to bring out everything, not just his fancy. Apart from making Ryan like him to such an extent, Brendon irritated him more than anyone else sometimes, made him sadder than anything through all the (few and far-between) stories about his life, occupied his thoughts, both waking and not, more than anything else. And it wouldn't bother him so much if this was something that didn't happen all the time, but Ryan suspected there were plenty of people trying to get over Brendon, even if they didn't feel what Ryan felt to quite the same depth. 

He did know for sure, however, that no one had experienced the same thing, especially because the last assistant was Brendon's first assistant and Ryan already knew that they were barely even friendly with one another half the time. Plus, their situation was... unique. Ryan remembered last night just narrowly avoiding the impulse to kiss Brendon a number of different times, or trying not to look directly at him because it'd just make him want to more, and biting skin to keep from saying anything idiotic. If only part of the interview had been, like, 'will you or will you not fall in love with your employer,' or something, and then Ryan would take a moment to really examine whether he thought Brendon was that attractive beyond physically. Maybe he could've avoided all of this altogether. He wasn't exactly greedy or hedonistic, so he preferred mental security over the financial security. At the moment Ryan was swimming in money he'd never even seen such a large amount of before, but he was missing sleep for reasons other than late-night missions to 7/11.

Which, by the way, he didn't really mind. He figured he'd probably do whatever for Brendon even if it wasn't his job. [i]Hey, emperor- love the outfit.[/i] Ryan didn't get it or appreciate it so he didn't honor the flirting with a response - or what he presumed was flirting, anyway - just looked off, mildly out of place. Brendon didn't seem very proud of himself either, though, so maybe he wasn't too unfounded in not feeling particularly flattered (although he of course still felt vaguely exhilerated any time Brendon looked at him, especially like that, and the quickened rise and fall of his chest was kind of a giveaway). Despite all his ambivalence he tried to invite Brendon back to his side, restore whatever could have been, and Brendon seemed unmoved by the welcoming. Which was, admittedly, not shocking. But Ryan had a tendency to get his hopes up for Brendon specifically and was only ever let down so hard by him.

[i]You up for round two?[/i] Ryan still looked - and felt - sort of sick, and it was hard to pretend otherwise, so he smiled uncomfortably, watching Brendon turn away to groom himself. Funny thing is, he knew he'd accept if it meant he could stay, and it didn't even feel [i]that[/i] heartwrenching whenever he could at least be physically close to Brendon, so. [b]"Anytime,"[/b] he said as boldly as he could, trying to match Brendon's energy. [i]Anyway, I actually do have things to do. Lunch with someone at... 2? Then a, uh date.[/i] Ryan stared, lips slightly parted in something like shock, and he would never have guessed the word 'date' alone could hurt that bad. It made no sense, he wasn't entitled to anything from Brendon and they'd never guaranteed anything to one another, but he still somehow felt betrayed. It was at least comforting to think that Brendon wouldn't be on what [i]normal[/i] people consider a date, with romance and dessert and laughing over drinks, but probably doing the exact same thing they'd done last night with a stranger. So. Bad, but not as bad as it could be.

While Brendon laughed it off, Ryan tried to play along, smiling timidly and ignoring the impulse to just bang his head against the wall behind him. [i]You should know that, being practically in charge of running my life and all that shit.[/i] Ryan paused, considering this, and fuck, he definitely knew. When he'd jotted it down on a calendar, though, he hadn't slept with Brendon, and therefore the crush was still '[i]tiny stupid crush I'll get over[/i]' and not '[i]unavoidable deep-seated affection for my boss[/i].' [b]"You're right. Y'know, I could cancel if you're more interested in sticking around,"[/b] he half-joked, sounding - and looking - a lot more confident than he really felt. He was pretty sure he hadn't even used the word 'date.' Since he'd probably want one himself one day once he was done being scared to tell Brendon he genuinely liked him for reasons beyond the way he looked, he made the vaguest allusion to it, avoiding looking at Brendon in case he showed disgust in his face or something.

[i]What, like handcuffs?[/i] Ryan was pretty sure this was what people meant when they said their heart stopped, all dramatic. He tried to hide his instantaneous cringe, pursing his lips and bowing his head. See, this is what happened when he went out on a limb. [i]Sure, darling, just let me know what you’re into.[/i] He closed his eyes tight, wondering how the hell he was going to play this off like he really did mean he wanted to be more sexually adventurous when his implication was actually that they try exclusivity. Kind of impossible. [b]"Yeah, you know, whatever,"[/b] he mumbled, glad that his still sleepy-sounding voice hid the way his voice nearly broke with nerves. [b]"Glad we're on the same page."[/b] Apparently he could still muster up a sense of humor about the unbelievably messy circumstances. He started slowly pulling on clothes, praying maybe Brendon would find some sort of change of heart or realize he'd misunderstood Ryan.

[i]Oh, fuck, almost forgot. New suit, wearing it on this uh, date- got it tailored, sent it to be finished- will you pick it up for me later? Thanks.[/i] Ryan felt briefly angry again with no rationale behind it - after all he was just as responsible for this brief lapse in their "professional" relationship as Brendon was, so there was no reason to be upset with him for bringing them back to where they should be anyway. As it were, he still set his jaw, trying to draw himself from his mood. And it didn't really work. [b]"Sure, of course,"[/b] he said carefully, moving closer to Brendon gradually. Brendon hadn't quite tamed his hair despite all the effort put into it, and Ryan really thought he'd kept it in his imagination but he actually reached up to smooth his hair into place, back to the perfect state it could usually be found in. [b]"A suit on a first date. Seems like a pretty big deal. What are you gonna do?"[/b] His voice was low, partially trying to stay controlled when he was close enough to take one step, lean in, and kiss him. Mostly, though, he was apparently masochistic, completely fueling his own dumb jealousy by asking.