If Brendon read too deep into their little sun-moon analogy, he’d probably gain some kind of distaste for it- since Ryan had penned it in the first place, in lyrics, and he had a habit of being self-depreciating, the closer he looked, the more concerned he became. It was romantic, and sweet, and was now mutually accepted, but Brendon was worried that Ryan thought his own worth was just a reflection of Brendon, that whatever love he had for him, however strong and genuine, was his only defining factor. Brendon disagreed fervently. The moon, he thought, was beautiful in its own right; the sun was too bright, too intense, almost gaudy. The moon would prefer to stay at the sidelines, but the sun’s exuberance brought out some qualities the world deserved to see. And that’s sort of how Brendon and Ryan worked- equals, willing to give the other the limelight in a heartbeat. Ryan just didn’t really thrive in the limelight- unless the attention was coming from Brendon. Either way, even though it was typical of Ryan to be all morose about himself, the analogy was special and had recurred consistently throughout their entire lives. He wasn’t about to abandon it.

He was thinking about it because last night it had been a waxing moon, a couple of days away from when it was full. Unfortunate, and ironic, that what was the symbol for the love of his life was also what caused him to have a very stressful night once a month. Anyway, Brendon had been alone- he’d already coaxed a drunk Ryan into bed and his boyfriend was fast asleep by the time he followed suit. It had been a busy, strange night, but he found solace with the moon, and then when he went to bed, he found solace with Ryan. Then, there was this morning, and the sun was glaring in, endlessly irritating, similarly to how Brendon seemed to be making it his personal mission to annoy his suffering boyfriend to death. For a while, he seemed to be succeeding, but Brendon then gave up- he hadn’t had a proper conversation with his boyfriend face-to-face for three days and he wanted to catch up at a time where Brendon wasn’t trying to kiss him every other word. 

[i]All the time, baby.[/i] Though Ryan’s voice sounded husky and sort of dry, Brendon wasn’t too concerned, because his normal speaking voice wasn’t too far off from that description to begin with (though he stood by his belief that his singing voice was a lot softer and had much more character and likability than Ryan restricted himself from believing). He considered arguing- of course Brendon was self-aware about a lot of things; that was how he so easily read Ryan like a book and so easily tended to wrap his boyfriend around his finger. He wasn’t the kind of person who needed compliments or validation to be confident- but that wasn’t to say he didn’t want it, and didn’t demand it without words when appreciation wasn’t shown to him. That’s where body language came in- that’s when he was hyperaware of himself, because if he was, Ryan definitely would be. [b]”...Yeah, I think you’re calling me a little short, darlin’.”[/b]

Ryan always delivered, despite his occasional obliviousness- for example, he catered to Brendon’s specific needs at any birthday parties that fell onto his shoulders to plan and organise (the rest of their close circle told him ‘duh, you’re a Virgo, plus you’re doing the guest of honour’. That had been an exact sentence out of Gabe’s mouth). It was a unique situation- the birthday boy loved to drink, liked alcohol, and loved to be the life of the party. He was also a recovering alcoholic and nobody would let him within ten feet of a bottle. Especially since the upcoming celebration would be for his 21st, it would be sort of awkward and Brendon could already sense the elephant in the room- it was a 21st, at least let the guests drink. But Ryan would never allow that. So, yeah, it was hard, but Ryan was resourceful and he knew Brendon very well- the way to his heart was by replacing any potential alcohol with twice as much weed. [i]I’m not worried.[/i] That was new. God, Brendon was in love with him, the lightweight, hungover sucker. Shifting, he traced his fingers down his boyfriend’s arm lovingly, holding his breath so it seemed like he was casual about it all. It was sweet, but it was Brendon they were talking about; it couldn’t stay that way for very long.

[i]Quiet, you.[/i] Brendon shrugged a shoulder innocently, pretending to zip his mouth closed and then leaning forwards to bite affectionately at his bottom lip, seemingly hoping to gain some favour before he launched into a tangent about the crazy stuff he used to get up to back when he didn’t really care about his health and he didn’t have a Ryan making sure he stayed on track when he did try to quit. [i]No. I guess not.[/i] Well, that said a lot. Brendon was surprised he hadn’t heard the story from Holden, who actively demanded that Brendon tell him everything vaguely interesting that happened to him while he was drunk. And Holden wasn’t too good at keeping his mouth shut. [b]”Well, he did. I was pissed at myself- my crown had fallen.”[/b] Tilting his head, he considered the remainder of the story. [i]I'm going to ignore everything I don't like about what you just said. Where'd you even get high heels? Who let your dumb ass borrow their shoes?[/i] Brendon laughed, resting both his hands on Ryan’s shoulders and then sliding them down to his sides. [b]”The guy who proposed the bet, duh. Josh. Well, Josh’s friend. Did him, too.”[/b] He said it in a way that was indistinguishable, but knowing Brendon...

He considered dropping it when Ryan started playing along his waistline, and let his eyes fall closed. Maybe he could just lie back down on Ryan’s chest and they could go back to sleep. [i]Also, it seems like it's safe to assume you just go home with everyone from these stories, based on what you say.[/i] At least he had the courtesy to look sheepish. Brendon bit his lip to stop a smirk, considering that rather broad, sweeping statement. Then he nodded, hesitant. [b]”You’re pretty much right. Listen, I was a young dumbass going through heartbreak, I adopted some pretty shit coping mechanisms. But I had some damn good times. You missed out, being single is fun.”[/b] Poor choice of words. He was surprised he hadn’t been kicked off Ryan’s lap yet, and suddenly bored, he pressed down again, impatient. [b]”But it’s much nicer to have someone who knows me as well as you do, baby. I love you.”[/b]