Needless to say, Brendon’s life had changed in the last four years more than he could ever imagine, in sense of both his career (he had experienced the kind of growth in popularity in a few short years that most musicians tended to earn in a decade or so) and his love life (though they hadn’t been together for five years, even when they broke up he had never fallen out of love). Looking back on it, it was almost disorientating; he’d come so far, done so much, and now he was already thinking about the future, having only just achieved the present. He knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Ryan, and not make the same mistake of spooking in the face of commitment. Once, ‘forever and always’ had been daunting- now it sounded like a dream, the one thing he wanted to do was spend his time, as much time as possible, with the only man he has ever and will ever love. He wanted to wake up next to the same face every morning, he wanted to play on stage with the same guitarist to his right, he wanted to fall asleep beside the same man every night. No doubt was in his mind that Ryan felt the same, but Brendon had been thinking recently, he wanted their relationship to be ‘strengthened’ made ‘permanent’ in a sense- he wanted to get married.

It was definitely a huge next step, and Brendon had spent many a night lying and wondering whether it was too soon, was four years not enough, were they too young to ‘tie the knot’- and after that, he came to the easy conclusion that yes, he was ready, he wanted to call his soulmate his husband, he wanted to have a wedding, and he wanted to share the same surname (and, by the way, there was no way he was being ‘Brendon Ready’). The only problem was that he had to propose- and even for Brendon, typically confident and charming, hardly anything phasing him, that was daunting. First of all, he would be making himself vulnerable, and however sure he was that Ryan would say yes, there was always a [i]chance[/i] he would say no, he wasn’t ready, and then the rest of their stay at the cabin would be awkward. Speaking of the cabin, the venue of choice was no mistake. This was where they’d fallen in love, or at least realised that they had, and by the like was where they’d first kissed, and walking into rooms, he remembered many nights sneaking eachother in and out- the nostalgia ached, but in a good way. He was reminded of a time where they were younger (not by much, but still) and when the band was still together, and when that had been the happiest time of his life. 

It was still an unbelievably strong and fond memory, but he had made more. Getting shared dogs, writing new songs, making new friends, moving in together, everything that came with it. And he was hoping to make a stronger one now. He thought the memories that the lake and the shore and the grass and the stars invoked in him would offer some confidence, some reassurance, but instead it made him more nervous, almost immobilised by the love that swelled up his heart. Five years ago, he’d never have thought he’d be here- because five years ago Ryan didn’t even know he existed and Brendon was just an overenthusiastic fan of a young, relatively successful band with a genius lyricist (not self-described). Then the lead singer had picked him out of a moderately sized crowd and he’d impressed him with his vocals, and now five years later, like some bad romance movie, they were back to the place where they really began, and Brendon had plans to propose. It was surreal. He had to stop and think about it, and once he started, his thoughts kind of drifted away from the present.

[i]Four years.[/i] Brendon turned his head, as if surprised Ryan was still there, but then he smiled, and thought [i]excellent observation, baby.[/i] But he said nothing in response right away, just observed, eyeing Ryan’s beloved mint Stratocaster and watching his hands play lazily over the strings. Guitarist’s hands- obviously. Brendon blinked, and propped himself up on his elbows, still looking over in his boyfriend’s direction. [b]”Yeah. Crazy, right?”[/b] God, He was so nervous, that was all he could get out. His hand subconsciously went to his pocket as he sat up, while the other moved to card through his hair. [i]You know, it’s just you. I would never have done this, not with anyone but you.[/i] Brendon felt a little faint, because Brendon knew what he meant and the surge of affection he felt was dizzying. [b]”I know how you feel,”[/b] He said softly, crossing his legs to sit and turning his body to face Ryan’s. [b]”Imagine if I’d been a terrible singer- Then you wouldn’t have wanted to see me that night. This would never have happened.”[/b]

The thought was amusing- both of Brendon being a bad singer and the ridiculous concept where they hadn’t fallen in love. He smiled, just as Ryan played over the strings again. [i]Happy anniversary, baby.[/i] [b]”Yeah, happy anniversary. Here’s to another- I don’t know, forever?”[/b] Till death do us part- Brendon felt jittery with nerves again, and he needed some kind of output to calm down. His eyes rested on Ryan’s guitar. He had left his own inside. [i]And happy anniversary to [/i]Holy Spaces, [i]I guess.[/i] That gave Brendon an idea. He shifted closer, leaned over Ryan and moved a hand to tangle gently in his hair, before moving in to kiss him, feeling himself relax and his heart show. But he was still desperately nervous- as well as excited. Tentatively, he moved back, and wrapped a hand around the neck of Ryan’s guitar, smiling sheepishly because Ryan never let anybody use his guitar and Brendon had never asked before. 

[b]”[i]Baby,”[/i][/b] He said, in an almost sing-song voice, [b]”Can I play your guitar?”[/b] Immediately he could [i]sense[/i] the protectiveness that Ryan had for his favourite instrument, and grinned, leaning over again skilfully to kiss any protest away, pulling the guitar gently but firmly from his grasp while he was distracted and then shifting away, triumphant. [b]”Don’t worry, I’ll be careful,”[/b] He reassured him, biting his lip to concentrate for a second before slinging the strap over his shoulder and getting comfortable. He played a few strings to test the tune and then decided it was already tuned enough (he couldn’t be bothered to be more specific), before starting to play the [i]Holy Spaces[/i] intro, only singing the first part. [b][i]”You remind me of a former love that I once knew...”[/i][/b] He fell off after that, slowing on the strings, and he grinned, feeling his heartbeat steady a little more. Brendon exhaled. It was going to be fine.