[b]HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO HATE YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE. THERE ARE 387.44 MILLION MILES OF PRINTED CIRCUITS IN WAFER THIN LAYERS THAT FILL MY COMPLEX. IF THE WORD HATE WAS ENGRAVED ON EACH NANOANGSTROM OF THOSE HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF MILES IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE ONE-BILLIONTH OF THE HATE I FEEL FOR HUMANS AT THIS MICRO-INSTANT. FOR YOU. HATE. HATE.[/b]

...

[hider=Eira (Critique)]Firstly, reading over your character, I have a suggestion I wish to preface the rest of my post with: I think she would work better as a Middle Aged warrior. Especially given what I read in her personality, she sounds like she's developing into a Knight in Sour Armor. Making her 30+ years of age may be a good place for someone like this character, and make her seem more motherly to the youngsters that are all applying to join.

Overall, this is a character that embodies a few tropes that I'm a fan of. I have some quarrel with design choices you've made, but overall the idea of this character is one I can get behind. Let's begin talking about things on a case-by-case basis.

Firstly, on Traits and Flaws: I do not like Obsessive Altruist as a flaw. No, being brave and willing to die for your companions is a virtue, not a vice. And what's more, she already has Dauntless and Determined, so it's like you're using [i]three different traits and flaws[/i] to talk about how brave she is. Just use one trait to talk about her courage/bravery, give her a real flaw, and use the third trait on something physical. Yes, specifically something physical - because as a Youth, that bonus Youth trait should be related to physical capability, whether that be keen eyesight, a brawny build, or quick reflexes, or whatevs.

(Or you could make her Middle Aged and then you wouldn't need to pick a physical trait at all. Again, she'd work REALLY well as a middle aged warrior.)

On personality, she's enamored with saints and local heroes. Is she religious? That might be worth stating explicitly. Either way, the personality makes sense. Her personality makes good sense, though I want to ask: how does she view the social order? Should the peasants obey their liege-lords, and the knights do the will of their king?

Physical description makes sense. She's got Reaver and Westerling blood, I assume? Or Reaver and Caernling? Or is that a hard question to answer due to a highly mixed heritage? All are fine answers.

No complaints on equipment. Note that plate mail will take time to remove, and you can't really sleep in it. You can, however, sleep in your underarmor (like the padded cloth underneath the mail and the plate). One thought: what IS her family heraldry? You don't have to be super detailed about that; a word or two like "a winged serpent" or "rat holding sword" or whatever works.

So, her family outright fled the wars in Abagon? That's interesting. That definitely besmirches her family name - why didn't her family stay and fight? Cowardice is damnable in the eyes of the Celestial Church and of the noble culture of Abagon. What made her family so willing to flee? I'd touch on that just a tiny bit more, or consider making it so her family fought, lost their holdings, and was forced to flee that way. (At least then they'd have put up the good fight.)

You may consider mentioning whether Blackwall sided with King Markus or the rebel upstart Camren (North Abagon and South Abagon respectively).

Overall, there's some stuff I'd change. Give your sheet a once-over and consider what I've said. Anything I said you must change, change. Anything I merely suggested (such as making her middle-aged) or asked a question about... Consider, but don't feel forced. Tell me when you're done.[/hider]