[@AngelofOctober] [Hider=Idris Sheet Review] -Description: As with all of your sheet, it's nice how you weave in snippets of stories rather than making it just a list. It gives us the information we need as well as a good feel for how we will see the character's posts in game. "As if walking were more like dancing, fluid, he didn’t like a peasant." I assume you are just missing the word "act" before "like a". It's the only mistake here I noticed, small as it is. -Personality: Again I must state your use of examples sprinkled in help to solidify the ideas you present here. He seems like a very well rounded character, in the sense that his traits make sense next to one-another. "and doesn’t get lash out negatively towards others" Only critique is another minor grammar thing. Getting rid of "get" so that it reads: "And doesn't lash out negatively" sound better in my own highly questionable opinion. -Skills: No problems here, all sound and sensible. -Battle Profile: I enjoy the reliance on environmental factors that change your abilities. It will keep things interesting. Also good to have someone leaning more to the sensible side in our party. -Magic Profile: In the whirlwind spell "runes" is misspelled as "ruins". It seems the only things I can point out negatively are the tiniest of mistakes haha. Altogether I like the skill-set given to Idris; It's certainly more colorful than other characters I've seen from similar settings. -Tale: "the thought irritated some elven purest. Holding the twelve month in her hands she tried to call out again to him." Purest I believe should be "purists" and the following sentence misses the word "old" to reference the mother holding a child, rather than a metaphysical span of time lol. Otherwise the stories are lovely, and we get to see a lot of the character in each member of the family. Kudos to both you and Akaya for the adorable collaboration post. Very sweet. The pictures created for the written notes are a lovely touch, especially with the different fonts used. It's somewhat like an ARG (altered reality game) which I think is a very cool element to add. -Misc/General: To surmise I have nothing to argue on the actual contents of your writing. :D The only mistakes I could dare point out were small grammar related ones, and therefore you have my seal of approval. I spoke a tiny bit about the music selection in the discord chat but no harm mentioning it here as well. I agree with your choice of using background noise in a generally "quiet" setting to help convey soundless-ness through sound. It's a sort of awkward concept but I appreciate the dedication. A theme I'm sure will continue through the whole course of this story :) [/Hider] [@Akayaofthemoon] [Hider=Astrea Sheet Review] -Description: If I had to choose one word for this soliloquy it would be enchanting. Which pardon my assumption; but I think might be the idea. If you hadn't made it clear being so bewitching was apart of the characters race, I might have been a little off-put by it, but that's a non-issue so I have no qualms here~ -Personality: Again all well written and sensible. I agree with what others have said in their review: While remaining unfazed is strength, bottling up one's emotions should be under weaknesses. It's nice we have so many caring characters around; will help solidify them as a family unit in game :D It's small but the fact she loves rain makes me love her more haha. Rain is my favorite weather so you've found a soft spot in me. -Skills: Very glad at least someone on our team is good at actually keeping us alive while traveling. Big plus lmao. No critique here, just a passing comment~ -Battle Profile and Magic Profile: Nothing to say here either really, no mistakes or nothing. All in character and easy to understand. -Tale: Very good tone setter. -Misc/General: Altogether I particularly like the display of your CS. Constant color splashes add to the tone the words are conveying. [/Hider] [@LemonZest1337] [Hider=Archibald Sheet Review] -Description: Good info on his species, you found a really good image to display the character. -Personality: Your explanation of his personality in particular made it easy to imagine him interacting with the others. I saw scenes of him meeting with my character, or others. The sort of relationships they might have. The last line about fearing growing out of piggy-back rides plucked at a heart string. -Skills: Like much of your sheet you did a good job here cementing just how young Archibald is meant to feel as a character. I'm not the first to say it but the thought felt particularly present in my mind here. -Battle Profile and Magic Profile: Somehow describing just how lethal he can be makes him all the more adorable. -Tale: Concise and telling of the social interaction between the vampire and human groups. You've fixed up any problems here already and all in all you have my total agreement as well :) -Misc/General: I honestly feel really useless here haha. I found nothing to criticize as you've already polished up. Excited to play with you. [/Hider] [hr] And now for review: My sheet as well. [Hider=Simon] [H1][color=f7941d][u][i][b]Simon Agrippa Lafayette.[/b][/i][/u][/color][/H1] [i]Everyone just calls him Simon though.[/i] [Hider=Quick Headshot][img]https://i.imgur.com/RSxqtdh.png[/img][/hider] [b][color=f7941d]Age:[/color][/b] 14 [b][color=f7941d]Species:[/color][/b] Bug-Folk. Silk moth variety. Bug-folk are a varied group, taking after the many genus of insect-like creatures in humanoid form. They most often retain some attributes or abilities of the true insects they draw inspiration from. While the communities of bug-folk can often be rather separate and divisive they have taken to congealing into larger communities despite the food chain their progenitors once belonged to. Bug-folk do not in fact partake in hunting each other in any form of cannibalism, though it was at a point tradition to stay within groups of bug-folk of the same kind. Butterfly-folk with Butterfly-folk and Beetle-folk with Beetle-folk etc etc. As the wilds are harsh and the larger communities of singular species bug-folk have dissolved, most bug-folk stick together among other species to ensure strength in numbers. The Silk-moth-folk in particular retain abilities of flight, albeit in varying degrees of success. Some also retain the trademark ability to weave silk strands, though much like original silk-moths, this is a trait often lost after the "larval" or youth stages in one's life. While some bug-folk take after specific stages of insect life-cycles like cocoon-folk, Simon in particular is not of the larval variety, and therefore does not have this ability despite his younger age. [b][color=f7941d]Description:[/color][/b] Simon stands at roughly 4"9, not being particularity short or tall considering his age. Like many bug folk he is quite light despite his size, weighing somewhere in the ballpark of 90 lbs. His person is often smudged with oil in places. Bumps and scratches appear all over and are promptly covered with an array of colorful band-aids. His voice is slightly awkward in a way that's hard to describe. A little higher pitched then one might expect, with slight accents on certain vowels. His pronunciation of words lean to what he thinks sound good instead of what are etymologically correct. His eyes appear luminous in dark locations, though they are instead reflective; rather than giving off their own light. [hr] [h2][color=f7941d]Persona[/color][/h2] [b][color=f7941d]Strengths:[/color][/b] A people pleaser, they like to keep everyone happy, and will act like a mediator if troubles arise. They don't get mad easily and are good at keeping quiet if the time is right. Alternatively they are also good at reaching out to others and trying to get a good spirit going. Talkative and inviting they are good if you need a pat on the back or some positivity in general. Supportive to a fault, if he likes you he will believe in you all the way. Likes to joke around, especially it his own expense. Simon marches to the beet of his own drum, and wavering him from that beat is nigh impossible. Come hell or high-water he will live his way. He isn't the type to give up on things or people, cherishing memories like gold. He will work as hard as he can to uplift his brothers and sisters to his own level, should he feel they are less joyful than he is. He is incredibly determined, and hard to dissuade off of something he's set his mind to. He's the sort to do something even if it's impossible, because he thinks there's value in trying regardless. [b][color=f7941d]Flaws:[/color][/b] A schemer, they may not always mean what they are saying. While not malicious they can be an opportunist. Likes to hear gossip though isn't one for spreading it around; unless it helps them in some way. Generally sort of nosy, they like to be in the know about pretty much anything. His jokes can go too far at times; not in the way of being rude, more so in taking light of a situation. Not a very trusting person, it takes him some time to really open up to others. Simon is the sort to take a victory and run with it, even if that means seeming the smaller person. He will lord such victories over others, with a sort of "all's fair in love and war" mentality. He is not above cheating, though he often values people's feelings to much to do it in regards to people he is close to. His pride is in constant flow and he might sometimes act rashly for it, while other times throwing it to the wayside. Unpredictable if not well rounded. He's quite a stubborn person. While this can seem like a good thing at times with knowing what he likes and so on; it's gotten him into hot water before. If he thinks he's right, or even he can't give up on something, he'll stick to his guns. To him information is something that's hard to change once he gets it in his head, and sometimes he finds it hard to do it someone else's way if he doesn't agree with it. [b][color=f7941d]Neutral:[/color][/b] Works with a sort of "beat" always tapping their foot or making clicking noises with their tongue; it comes out whenever they focus on something intently. Should he take a particular attachment to something he will value it to an almost obsessive amount. This could be people or items, or even places. Sentiment and feelings guide him despite his mechanical way of thinking. He would gladly trade all the money to his name if he could buy back something he lost. He's the sort to buy a pretty item, and hide it away so that it never gets tarnished. Protective and self destructive he can sometimes jeopardize the bigger picture in favor of taking hold of whats in front of him. [b][color=f7941d]Skills:[/color][/b] Engineer: They pull things apart to put back together, or fix things if asked to. Machinery are the love of their life and they can be found often messing with some contraption. They have a very analytic mind when it comes to handling tasks, and he doesn't give up easy on solving a problem. Eagle-Eye: Simon is a talented marksman. This wasn't entirely a natural occurrence, but brought on from weeks upon weeks of getting used to his own weapon. His eyesight is sharp and his aim now true. He is good at spotting moving things, or points of interest in a landscape. Such as a good position to set up a sniper camp. He's attentive and good to have on guard, or helpful to lookout for a sign. Quiet: Despite his somewhat less than pragmatic style Simon is good at switching to silent step. He uses this often to sneak back into his workshop or stay up late reading. He might sneak out to take shots a good distance away or poke around in other's things. He's patient when it comes to avoiding another's gaze and knows when to move to remain unseen. Another talent polished in his strict regiment of self marksman training. [hr] [h2][color=f7941d]Battle Profile[/color][/h2] [b][color=f7941d]Focal Crystal:[/color][/b] Orange smooth and flat; perfect as a skipping stone. Set into the stock of Simon's custom sniper rifle, it ripples with light from the center every time he fires the weapon. [b][u][i][color=f7941d]Special Equipment:[/color][/i][/u][/b] [list] [*][u]Longshot:[/u] Simon's aforementioned rifle and his pride and joy. Holds a moderate capacity of custom bullets per clip. These bullets are fashioned from cruz crystals. The firing mechanism means the bullets are propelled via magic rather than black-powder. The distance at which these bullets travel effectively is at maximum 80 ft. As a custom piece of work this weapon needs to be maintained while on the road, and has it's chances of malfunctions. [*][u]Buddy the Tool Box:[/u] Simon's enchanted toolbox nicknamed Buddy. It's enchanted effect is to place whatever tool Andy asks for at the ready, it can also places small machine parts at the ready as well. This allows for quick and efficient work even on the road. [/list] [b][color=f7941d]Equipment:[/color][/b] [list] [*]Simon keeps an assortment of mundane tools hidden on his person. An alan-key here and a screwdriver there... [*] Workers Eye: A monocle with a set of different lenses that can be lowered over the eye. They each have a different thickness/bend to them, making some "zoom" in more than others. Good for delicate work. [*] Turret Parts: The components for small turrets of Simon's design. Each case is about the size of a lunchbox, and weigh 10 pounds each. One is hooked onto each hip. Take ample time to set up are only good in short bursts. Actual abilities described in spell list. [/list] [b][color=f7941d]Weapon:[/color][/b] Arclight Spanner: Despite the fancy name it's actually just a rather large bolt-wrench. Good for whackin. Brass Knuckles: While Simon's punch is less than stellar, it helps to throw some metal into the equation. [color=f7941d]Special Attack:[/color] Less an attack and much more so an ability; Simon is able to utilize his insectoid wings to take flight for a short amount of time. While his fly speed is faster than his landspeed, he is not yet the most graceful flyer. If needed to maneuver a complex course he will have great trouble, if being able to succeed at all. His flight time varies depending on how much weight he has on him, but for now his best time is roughly 120 seconds. A full 2 minutes, of linear flight. [hr] [h2][color=f7941d]Magic Profile[/color][/h2] [b][color=f7941d]Magic Lv:[/color][/b] 5 [b][color=f7941d]Spellbook:[/color][/b] A small notebook for the breast-pocket. Brown leather-bound with tan vellum pages. Notes and schematics poke out in places, with noticeable loose-leaf papers tucked against it's spine. A shimmering gold gear is emblazoned onto the cover. Smells faintly of oil and lit candles. [b][color=f7941d]School of Focus:[/color][/b] WORKSHOP MAGIC [color=f7941d]Spells:[/color] [color=f7941d][h3]Lesser Spells: (3)[/h3][/color] Ricochet: Implanting this spell into a bullet, Simon may create a magical "mirror" of sorts. When this bullet reaches a certain distance decided by Simon, it will bounce of an instantaneous reflective surface of magic. Depending on the angle this may allow Simon to hit multiple enemies or make shots that would be impossible by mundane means. The bullet cannot travel farther than it's usual 80 feet, and he has to be able to see the point of reflection on moment of firing. Double-Time: This spell kicks Simon as well as his weapon into a higher gear. For a short moment they receive a burst of speed, allowing Simon to attack twice in the span of time he would usually attack once. Brain-Drain: This spell increases the speed at which Simon can comprehend and intake information. He often uses it to speed along the invention or upgrading of items. This can also be used though to take a comprehensive look of a battlefield or collection of enemies in an instant. Continuous use of this spell in a row will cause great headaches, and in the worst documented case even nosebleeds. [h3][color=f7941d]Medium Spells: (1)[/color][/h3] Animate Arms: This spell allows near instant construction of small clockwork turrets. These are automated turrets running on magical energy. They decide on who is friend or foe based on Simon's perception. They will fire on enemies with rapid needle projectiles within 25 ft. They cannot be moved after created and immediately fall apart after using their ammunition, or after 1 minute. The parts are not created, and Simon must carry them at all times. Cannot create more than two turrets, the turrets must be within 10 ft of each other. They will fall apart should Simon leave a 30 ft radius of either turret. They are not particularity resilient, and will be destroyed with ample force. [hr] [b][color=f7941d]Misc Battle Info:[/color][/b] Simon fights from the back-lines, supporting his allies with high damaging and precise shots. His style is to be efficient rather than overwhelming; will use his fire to corral enemies towards advantageous positions for his allies. While he lacks many spells or machinery that can do this to start; his plan is to create drones that might take the brunt of damage instead of his friends. All in all he hopes to be the ultimate backbone for his party of ruffians. [hr] [h2][color=f7941d]Your Tale[/color][/h2] [i][color=f7941d][h3]"This is your tale, this is the sounds, and the tale you tell:"[/h3][/color][/i] A simple tale. Like so many others, it begins at the ending of another. The tale of small family of outsiders, bug-folk not entirely common within the barriers. Mechanically minded people, wanting to bring back something of importance, to where they once called home. Naturally, you can't take something important away without giving up something in return. Something this family learned the very hard way. A mother and father, with their child; found attempting to move a caravan through the wilds alone. They could not afford protection, and they didn't trust anyone to protect them anyways. Getting out of the city with so many mechanical components was hard enough as it was. Bribing that guard ate up their money, nearly to the bottoms of their pockets. Now the trio moved slowly, determinedly through a path they hadn't crossed in a long time. The road was harsh and the wilds harsher. The mother was an amazing shot, and the father a talented inventor. Together they could stay alive, if sometimes barely. It was a long road home, having traveled with a large caravan of non-humans in their own childhood, to one of the barrier cities. On another day like any other, they trudged closer and closer still towards Cosmos city. One of the few stops they'd make on their pilgrimage. Crossing through a particularly dark thicket, the wheel of their components cart was caught between the earth and some powerful tree roots. The dirt giving way doe to a recent rain-fall. The clamoring created something they'd rather avoid much of: Noise. It's hard to create a comprehensive list of what fills the wilds. No matter where you are, there always seems to be something unknown, yet dangerous. The only things Simon can remember are the claws. Three nails, sharp and jagged, raking across his body. Whatever it was, it was big yet fast; he didn't even see the thing before feeling the scream of pain across his abdomen and face. Just below his eyes, across his chest and above his waist three bleeding streaks sent him flying backwards. Off of the cart, away from mothers protection. His head struck a rock, and he was taken by the blackness of unconsciousness. He awoke like some others did; in a new home. Among a kindly woman, some other children, and a lot of confusion. She was kind, and she did the best anyone could to break the news of death to a child. Simon still cried for 3 days and nights. Didn't eat, didn't sit still for new bandages. He nearly died due to his own distress. But he didn't, and here he is; roughly 5 year later. A new parental figure slipping out from grasp once again. Something he wouldn't stand for. Not this time. [hr] [color=f7941d][b]Theme Song:[/b][/color] [Url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNunc0UN2Jo]The Sound of Something Clicking Away.[/url] [/Hider]