Brendon was an affectionate person anyway, and in a very physical way, usually, but in this instance, his behaviour was somewhat unusual. He was normally a lot more assured, confident- with Ryan now, by the lake, overwhelmed by much more nostalgia than he thought he’d have, he was more gentle, almost hesitant. Their relationship was a dynamic one- Brendon generally commanded and demanded attention, while returning it generously, and the next moment it was all verbal, the two usually competent lyricists struggling to find words that fit eachother because in their eyes, there were no words that could describe how they felt. Ryan probably came the closest, the more literate and talented in that department out of the two of them; whereas Brendon preferred to communicate by action. That’s why they accelerated from serenity to intensity in very brief periods of time; not only did Brendon grow antsy fast, but he felt the need to show his affections in a less conventional way than just saying [i]I love you.[/i]

Here, though, that wouldn’t be right- there was something very important that Brendon needed to ask that couldn’t be conveyed through anything physical. It was a question, dominating the forefront of his mind, and when he initially thought about even asking, he never anticipated it to be this nerveracking. Luckily, Ryan was obviously oblivious, so he could pretend everything was normal, that he was just feeling a little extra loving tonight due to the nostalgia and the memories, not like he intended to ask his boyfriend to marry him. God, he was nervous again. Anxious energy and pent-up excitement was welling inside of him- he felt like he was going to blurt it out with no warning, but also like he was going to back out at the last moment out of nerves and just cancel the whole idea, just brush it off and go back into the cabin and forget it ever happened. Both weren’t very favourable options, so he held his tongue, just smiled quite distantly as Ryan shrugged his shoulders.

[i]You’re cute.[/i] Brendon just blinked, enamoured and too distracted to formulate sentences- he exhaled and lay down in the grass beside him, turning on his side to face his immensely chilled out boyfriend and wasting no time in tangling together with him, slotting his legs between Ryan’s. Maybe they could just nap out by the lake- he felt a sudden sense of drowsiness that came from the peaceful atmosphere, Ryan’s uncharacteristically ultra-serene current energy slowing his heart down just a little. At least he could now speak without the worry of blurting out a half-assed marriage proposal. [b]”You’re gorgeous,”[/b] Brendon replied, raising an eyebrow as if daring him to argue. His complimenting Ryan session never seemed to end, and the swell of love he felt inside his chest was clouding his coherent thought, to the point where his only functioning mental direction was [i]propose to Ryan.[/i] Again, Brendon had to tell himself to calm the fuck down. [i]I love you, too.[/i] Brendon knew that- but did Ryan really know how much he meant to him? Sometimes he was sort of awful at showing it- he knew he could be bratty and difficult and irritating and extra and way too much, and he loved Ryan with all of his heart, but those traits meant that sometimes it didn’t show through.

Since he had regained control over his voice, succeeding in steadying his tone and his head now clear and driven, he moved on. He wanted it to happen as soon as possible. He wanted to know what it was like to be somebody’s fiancé. He listened to the gentle lilt of Ryan’s warm laugh and moved briefly down to nestle his head in Ryan’s chest, closing his eyes to listen to his heartbeat. It must have been so strange to Ryan- Brendon wasn’t typically much of a cuddler, and yet out of nowhere he was being gentle and almost clingy. Ryan likely thought he had died and gone to heaven- that’s how Brendon intended to make him feel. [i]Forever.[/i] There was a promise in that word, and Brendon silently returned it. [i]I’ll be with you forever.[/i] [b]”I know,”[/b] He murmured softly, lifting his head again, moving back to his jaw and tangling his hand into Ryan’s hair gently. Brendon didn’t [i]need[/i] to get married to have complete surety that they would be together for the rest of their lives. He just [i]wanted[/i] to tie the hypothetical knot- for reasons he didn’t have to say, for reasons he was positive Ryan would understand.

Lips pressed against the skin of his neck and he let his eyes flutter closed, ready to relax until Ryan fell back comfortably into the plush carpet of grass. Ryan was grinning, chilled out, in obviously high spirits- he wasn’t going to get a better opportunity than this. Brendon bit his lip. [i]Thought I was the writer.[/i] He really was. All of Brendon’s usual charm had drained away and he felt vulnerable, but in the best way- he was going to ask the man he loved more than anything to marry him, there was no better vulnerability than love. Brendon just shrugged in response, and fell back to where he had been lying beside him. [i]Everything okay? Has coming back here made you softer?[/i] Ryan was laughing, Brendon felt a little faint. His nerves and his more gentle attitude was noticeable. Was that a good thing? He couldn’t think straight. Why was this so hard for him? Get it together, Brendon, he’s onviously going to say yes.

[b]”Maybe,”[/b] Was all he managed, but he sat up, his hand reaching down automatically again into his pocket to check for for the fiftieth time that it was still there. [b]”I- I guess it recently hit me. Forever. It doesn’t scare me anymore.”[/b] His eyes were fixed on Ryan and he reached up to brush a hand through his own hair, trying to preoccupy his hands and stop himself fidgeting. [b]”It’s almost everything I could ever want.”[/b]