Brendon didn’t like it when anybody held stuff from him or kept him in the dark- but when it was Ryan, somebody who he had already lost some trust in after building up so much, it was even worse. Gabe regularly went behind his back, but Brendon could tolerate that; Gabe usually knew best and did everything for his sake, whereas Ryan... maybe he also cared, but all Brendon could think about was the judgemental edge to his tone, the high-and-mighty stance he’d taken that morning after as if he was high above and far away from what had happened between them. Brendon didn’t usually care what people thought about him- if he did he’d barely go outside and show his face- but this was Ryan, a man who both worked for him and was moving up in the ranks of trusted people when he made that slip-up and Brendon’s faith came crumbling down. Not fully, obviously; they were still like this, still doing this, it had almost returned to normal save for even further increased wariness and unwillingness to open up fully. It had been a hard day anyway- the last thing he needed were more people joined against him, and the last two he expected to be conspiring about him were Gabe and Ryan (who had only met formally once).

Brendon was perturbed, sure, but not upset enough to kick Ryan out because he wanted him right now, liked him being close, felt comfort in the warmth he radiated from the skin under his shirt as he moved much closer and cradled Ryan’s jaw in his hands. There were a few quiet moments then, Brendon avoided Ryan’s gaze for fear of becoming completely enamoured and Ryan forcing himself not to let his eyes drift down to his lips. Therefore, Brendon blinked down at Ryan’s mouth, and Ryan sought out his eyes. It was a brief show of their different priorities- Brendon’s instinct for self-preservation, avoiding furthering that intimacy (which was immensely difficult, owing to the strong magnetism between them), and Ryan’s yearning for something more, something more serious, emotional. Brendon exhaled, blinked, attempted to convince himself that this was no different from last time, nothing had changed. Far from thinking about Gabe now, he decided he could push aside his exclusion from the conversation in favour of losing himself a little, leading the conversation away from anything tense and instead resorting to teasing.

[i]See if I can wear you out, probably.[/i] Brendon laughed, both intruiged by the prospect and amused by the delivery. He hoped Ryan was serious. [b]”I’d be impressed,”[/b] Came his response, and he finally met his eyes for just a second, feeling himself melt a little inside. Stupid feelings. Brendon didn’t want them. [i]Never been done before.[/i] Nodding in mock-sombre confirmation, he grinned then, leaning in closer as he spoke. [b]”You’ve come the closest.”[/b] Leaving that to sink in, he barely gave Ryan time to breathe before he leaned in despite all his common sense and met him in a rare kiss. Usually, Brendon tried to avoid it altogether, and if not, it was usually intended as a swift escalatory action. This could be seen as different- it was gentle, at least softer than usual, and Ryan responded almost instantly, equally as careful and tender. Brendon felt a kind of serenity settle over him that he wasn’t used to- if he wasn’t careful, he’d get lost, forget that it wasn’t supposed to go this way, and expose himself in less literal ways.

[i]Brendon.[/i] There it was, his name from Ryan’s lips again. His heart fluttered unnaturally and he was sick with himself. He pulled back, slightly irritated- could whatever Ryan had to say not wait? [i]I- I’m sorry, that I was so ... preachy, before. It’s not my place, it never was. I don’t know why I... I’m sorry, Bren.[/i] That was a lot to process- Brendon’s brief moments of peace were tarnished by the resurfacing if suppressed memories. Why couldn’t Ryan just let bygones be bygones? It seemed he was willing to before... Gabe. Brendon silently swore. What had that fucker stirred up this time? But... [i]Bren.[/i] He liked that. It stopped him from snapping at Ryan for having awful timing. [b]”It’s okay,”[/b] Brendon offered, starting to lean in again because this was now being drawn out. The kiss he received was chaste and disappointing; Brendon was ready to tell him to just shut up about it, but  Ryan was evidently on some kind of tangent of guilt. [i]I never wanted to be an asshole, or make you feel like I was judging you, or anything.[/i]

Brendon paused, mulling it over. That was probably the first genuine, thought-about apology he’d received about the ‘incident’- and though it was long overdue, and the timing was awful, Brendon appreciated the sentiment. Until he realised this was likely all Gabe’s doing. Drawing back suddenly, dropping his hands down to rest on Ryan’s legs instead, he narrowed his eyes. [b]”What the fuck did Gabe say to you, Ryan?? Thank you for the apology, I know you didn’t fuckin’ mean to be an asshole, but I’m not an idiot.”[/b] There was an initial surge of annoyance, but it quickly faded, because he really just wanted to kiss him again, hard. Brendon went quiet, hesitating, wondering whether or not to wait for a response or just moved on. His natural impatience got the better of him in the end. [i]It’s just important to me that you know that, I guess. Bad timing, I know.[/i] 

Brendon bit his lip, nodding in acknowledgment. As Ryan drew him closer, Brendon slotted their legs together so they were tangled up and barely any space was between them- and Brendon said nothing, just rested one hand down at Ryan’s waist and the other curled loosely into his hair. [b]”I forgive you,”[/b] He began, then moved in and pressed his mouth against the side of Ryan’s neck, [b]”But you talk too much.”[/b] Finding his pulse and then moving down, Brendon moved the hand curled around Ryan’s waist up to single-handedly undo the first few buttons of his shirt, before pressing a kiss against his now-exposed collarbone, with clearly no intent of stopping and talking this over some more.