Ryan could only kind of understand Brendon's trust issues - and resulting inability to really become vulnerable at all - but not fully. He could just barely empathize. When he was younger, the conditions at home made him wary of the outside world, too, and he was thankfully young enough when he met Spencer that it hadn't made so huge of a lifelong impression. Brendon, though, grew up with disapproval, and [i]his[/i] parents didn't trust him or show as much love as he needed, so why should he have developed those abilities? There was no example to live by. So, Ryan got it, mostly, but he still became impatient with him for things completely out of his control. It wasn't fair, not at all, but Ryan figured there had to be [i]someone[/i] to break this destructive cycle, and he was just assertive enough (or at least had his moments of boldness) that he could take that role. When he realized Brendon hadn't expressed anything genuine since he met him, he was quick to call him on it, and when he could count Brendon's true friends on one hand, he made an effort to broaden his horizons, make him more open.

Of course, there were no morals in trying to change someone, especially not for your own gain. Ryan considered that, that maybe he should leave Brendon as is, but he knew there were times that his emotional shortcomings and the neglect that must've been the root of it all, got to him. So it was less 'fixing' any aspect of his personality - it was trying to heal a wound that'd been open for a hell of a long time, and it got bigger the more distance Brendon allowed himself. But when you were the subject of that kind of effort, it probably didn't look like a good cause. Ryan couldn't explain it without sounding like he pitied him, or whatever, when really it was just a sort of relation to the circumstances (and of course the care for Brendon he was trying to get over for the sake of professionalism) that fueled him. And pity was the last thing Brendon wanted, alongside the attempts to break his shell or try to evoke a reaction at all. After all, Brendon certainly wasn't heartless, but his heart definitely hurt.

Or, you know. Ryan was entirely wrong and he just assumed too much, which he'd been learning was pretty typical of him. Maybe he was projecting onto Brendon 'cause he couldn't find much else to relate to, they were so different. That, too, sounded very likely. So - he just waited (and waited and waited and waited) to hear Brendon's testimony on the matter, if he'd ever come out with it, or until he realized that there might not be any reason or backstory for all of it. [i]Oh.[/i] Ryan pursed his lips, knowing it hadn't come out right. He nearly tacked on a 'I've wanted to say that for a while,' but it didn't sound like a very genuine sentiment, it was so unprompted. Either way, Brendon was leaning back into him, more peaceful than before; with gentler touches than Ryan had ever remembered coming from him. If Brendon wasn't used to the emotional part of a close relationship, Ryan definitely wasn't used to the physical, and his reaction was a little bit ridiculous.

[i]Multi-millionaire, actually.[/i] Ryan had expected that, so he smiled, albeit sheepishly. When he continued Ryan glanced down at his still busy hands, wondering if his mind would ever stop racing 'cause he would like to get used to this, thanks. [i]No, I- Thank you. It means a lot, considering I fuckin’- usually I get compared to my siblings, or my dad, and it sucks.[/i] Ryan looked at him very seriously, trying not to be too dramatic about his reactions, because if he freaked him out now he'd probably back out of talking. [i]I can never be just [/i]Brendon. [i]I’m Brendon Boyd Blake. My family defines who I am, and that name is all people ever care about. It doesn’t usually bother me, just-[/i] Ryan nodded fast when he stopped, trying to reassure him. He understood - although he'd never thought of the name that way before. Everything was connected to the same people who didn't try hard enough. [i]I don’t want to be like him, but I don’t want to be a failure.[/i] He wasn't. He really wasn't, and Ryan searched his face to make sure that was genuine, but his voice said it all. He felt a tug in his chest, wishing he could change how he felt. 

[i]And what you said- that I lacked compassion, and that I was reckless and unsafe- I felt like a mixture of both.[/i] Ryan stayed quiet with him, meeting his gaze and holding it, and then when he drew him in he couldn't stop smoothing his hands down Brendon's back, or the nape of his neck, trying to be as comforting as he could or make him feel secure. But he couldn't really get out apologies when they were kissing each other breathless, or when he could feel his shirt lifting off his shoulder, and he both mourned the quick shift from the moment previous and enthused over them being gentle again. [b]"I didn't mean it,"[/b] he murmured between breaks, lifting his hand from the sleeve and replacing it at the back of Brendon's neck. [b]"I know you. It wasn't right, Bren."[/b] This was less disruptive, and more of gentle words close to his ear, trying to communicate that he wasn't like his father or a failure as subtly as possible. [b]"Thank you - for telling me."[/b]