Ryan thought he was pretty good at ignoring things that bothered him, or at least coming to terms with them and moving on. However, after a handful of months watching Shane manipulate and emotionally abuse his best friend, he was kind of unstable. Not, like, towards himself, but if Shane entered the room his fight or flight response was activated (on [i]probably[/i] a lesser level than a life-or-death situation, but still). And he couldn't control Brendon; when he tried to point out the behaviors that were unhealthy or showed him how his bank account was being used, Brendon didn't seem to mind very much, or he didn't agree that it was that bad. Shane was just an asshole, and he occasionally took things, was what Ryan gathered Brendon was thinking. He wasn't sure what else he could do for him to help. His gentle approach to exposing things were ineffective, and he wasn't going to treat Brendon like he was being disciplined into not dating the scum of the earth, so Ryan entrusted Gabe with keeping him at least safe. He left.

It wasn't what he should have done, and he only came to realise that around four days into his 'leave.' He was leaving Brendon alone in this new relationship, even newer and unfamiliar to him specifically, and this was a crucial time - Brendon needed friends when he had someone that malicious around all the time. But Ryan could feel himself stooping to Shane's level whenever he showed up, and it never got easier to control; he'd raise his voice at him when he never, ever did that usually, actually physically show him the door when he was obviously being manipulative, and he could only go as far as 'hey' or 'what's up' as far as normal politeness went. He was an asshole, and Shane definitely deserved it, but Brendon didn't need to see that - especially when his aggression was directed to his boyfriend. So, to save him the trouble, Ryan got out of there and made sure his replacement wasn't too involved to come for Shane, but wise enough to know when to defend Brendon when they were around. And, y'know, maybe a little part of it was the fact that he still wasn't over how he felt about him.

He couldn't talk to him, either, partially guilty, partially just trying to detach so if he did come back he could do so without making an ass of himself. Some texts came his way and he replied in brief statements, neutral as ever, trying not to joke around too much or say anything he wouldn't say to, like, an acquaintance. Otherwise, he might just fall back into that loop. When he was basically at the level of one-word responses, suddenly Brendon was sending him lyrics again, and Ryan was thrown. They'd done that when he thought they were so close to finally... make things official, whatever they were meant to do after basically acting like boyfriends thus far. It was hard to keep neutral, then, when all he could do was see Brendon's perspective and feel like he'd hurt him. Because he hadn't been able to show anything loving or caring without feeling like he was falling back into an old routine, Ryan let himself speak under the subtlety of his metaphorical, occasionally vague lyrics, and was careful to not let too much show.

When he tried to figure out whether Shane was still in the picture - no one had told him, he didn't keep up with tabloids, and he assumed from the partially romantic lyrics sent his way that Brendon wasn't so resigned to exclusivity anymore, but he wasn't a cheater - he still got an unclear answer. In fact, he didn't get one at all - but maybe that was just as telling as a simple 'yes' or 'no.' He could be sparing his feelings by not saying the factual yes, they were still together; on the other hand he could be hurt by the breakup and didn't want to talk about it by saying no. Ryan had known Brendon to be virtually invincible, especially to the shit Shane put him through sometimes (at least he was on the surface then), so he assumed the first option. If they were still together for much longer, his indefinite leave would become a definite resignation - he didn't think he could handle it, and his professionalism had already dwindled to an absurd, unacceptable point.

Even so, he was still sort of entertaining it, keeping Brendon's spirit around by filling his apartment with reminders. Sticky-notes littered the walls or side tables or the refrigerator, where-ever he was at the moment he read the text, of Brendon's lyrics, and he tried to commit them to memory. Just the same, he posted his responses - even the ones he crossed out and started over on. Made him look a little bit out of his mind, but whatever - he never had guests anyway. That was an unhealthy way to live, though, and he had to squash this lingering infatuation, so he started trying to date. Connected with old friends who were delighted to set him up with people, he eventually had one scheduled for an evening, and he was terrified. But at least this way, if things worked out, he could potentially head back to work and maintain a level head with someone else to occupy his thoughts.

He hadn't really cared about his appearance for a while, maybe towards the last month he was at work he'd given up on trying to keep nice. For Ryan that wasn't too huge of a difference, thankfully, so when he looked in the mirror and decided he really needed to fix the issue there, it didn't seem like much work. His hair was overgrown by now, wavier than it was curly, and he had a fair amount of stubble evened out across his features. He was a little unsettled by that, usually clean-shaven, but the desperate effort to cure his chronic babyface was officially on. He wasn't sure how to dress, but Spencer of course responded instantly to the picture of his wardrobe plus a desperate plea for help. Spencer said, very eloquently, [i]throw out your fucking Hobbit clothes.[/i] And then, [i]the leather jacket, and if you wear pants instead of jeans you're dead.[/i] So he wore dark jeans, some faded band shirt that he didn't even remember getting, and the stupid jacket. He wasn't sure what exactly made this an [i]improvement[/i], but whatever, Spencer was usually right.

Ryan was twenty minutes from leaving to meet his date when the knock at the door came, and he was a little confused - they were going to some festival downtown, he thought, not meeting at his place. He stood at the door for a second to compose himself before actually answering, and then froze up. Brendon had never come around ever before, and now of all times was about the worst time possible, and - if he was showing up this randomly then something must be wrong. In fact, Brendon looked a little nervous; Ryan had learned to tell the signs when he was naturally unreadable. Ryan stared at him for a second, lost for words, and his brain registered alone that they weren't even on bad terms and he was [i]glad[/i] to see him after two weeks of absence before he could even catch it. So he smiled, small and relieved, and leaned against his door. [b]"Hey,"[/b] he said, and his voice wasn't used to talking, sounded rough. Apparently the solitude was worse than he thought. [b]"Long time no see. Are you okay?"[/b] There was more subtext to that - [i]what'd Shane do this time[/i] - clear in his tone, but he impressively kept from twitching angrily at even the thought.