Ryan was his second assistant, and the only reason Brendon was looking to hire anyway was because, well, it would keep his parents happy, make it seem like he was trying to maintain some order and gain some control over his chaotic, party-centric and hedonistic lifestyle. In fact, he hadn’t organised anything at all, it had been his father; and though Brendon would be in charge and would pay the employee, the majority of Brendon’s money came from the bank of his parents, so in reality, Ryan kind of worked for Boyd in that he made sure his son didn’t do something especially stupid. He had a habit of not thinking before he put things on social media, doing stupid shit in public, saying stupid shit in public. He was a troublemaking playboy who looked astoundingly pretty and charming in every photo taken of him- he was a wet dream for the media, who snapped at his ankles, slavered at his feet, waited for him to make one wrong step in the hope of bringing everything crashing down at his feet. Jokes on them- Brendon had been standing amongst the rubble of a life that had been planned for him since he was a teenager. 

Though not immediate, Ryan brought order into his life, and he was surprisingly good at his job considering Brendon had only hired him because a) he took the wine that Brendon offered him and b) he had the guts to ask about some pretty scandalous rumour that had been going around. From that, Brendon expected him to last about a week before it became too much, but Ryan surprised him, and suddenly they were close friends, and then they were sleeping together. It all happened relatively quickly, within months- Brendon often tried to remember what his life had been like before Ryan had been regulating the ammount of bullshit he did and said and pretty much acting as a publicist/glorified babysitter. Not that great, he recalled- though he enjoyed partying and overindulgence and spending carelessly on exuberantly expensive champagne and engaging in more one night stands than he could care to remember. Brendon’s problem wasn’t that he was a victim of bad press- it was that a lot of what they wrote scathingly about him was true. He was a privileged, entitled, arrogant son of a billionaire- and in many ways, he still was.

Brendon knew that Ryan would disagree- say that he wasn’t selfish or shallow, that he was compassionate and dynamic and mercurial and a joy to be around. He accepted this praise readily, but the scathing words Ryan had said to him that morning after still stung when he thought about them too long- that he didn’t care about people, he was reckless with emotions, he was inavailable, vulnerable and aggressive all at once. He felt like he was being peeled away at, like layers of himself were being stripped. Brendon didn’t like not being in control, so he snapped, and sent Ryan away. Not even three days later, they were fine, and as they grew closer after that, they reached the point where they were close and affectionate and if somebody didn’t know Brendon any better, they would think, hey, those two are dating, they’re probably in love. They weren’t dating. They weren’t in love. But Brendon had been convinced by Gabe and Ryan- he wanted to know what love felt like. Maybe if he hadn’t gone for Shane, instead, he would know.

Or maybe not. It was all a guessing game, now. The only thing that was certain was that Brendon had chosen Shane, then dumped Shane, but before he realised he should have done that right at the start, Ryan had left with no explanation and no apology, leaving Brendon’s affairs in the hands of some stranger. He was nice enough to them, but often short- not mean, he was just easily irritable. Brendon missed Ryan, and the more time he spent with Shane, the more he realised that. Now, Brendon was sure for once in his life that he actually liked someone in more ways than physical, he wanted to be with someone, introduced someone as his boyfriend and have nobody whisper about it, saying stuff like [i]I bet he’s just another hookup[/i] and [i]I wonder how long he’ll last before getting bored this time[/i]. Maybe the last part would never happen, but what would it matter if he really was in a healthy relationship, not one where his boyfriend had demanded to see his phone...

Bygones. Brendon was here now, at Ryan’s door, staring at Ryan, trying not to let sweet memories turn bitter on his tongue. Ryan looked... so good. Back in the time when Shane and Brendon were in the midst of their disaster of s relationship, Ryan had stopped caring about his appearance altogether, but apparently that had changed- but who would Ryan want to look good for? He knew him well enough to know it wouldn’t be for vanity. Brendon considered hopefully that maybe Ryan had been thinking about Brendon in the same way that he thought about Ryan. When Ryan spoke again, he barely heard, he was that distracted by all possibilities clouding his mind. [i]No, I’m free.[/i] There was a pause, and Brendon wondered if he was lying, but he wasn’t about to complain and walked past his assistant, too nervous to properly register the details of this new place. He knew it would be of decent size- Brendon payed him a lot, really- and that the decor would be questionable. Ryan wasn’t much of an interior designer. Luckily for him, he didn’t notice the sticky notes.

Brendon checked again that Ryan didn’t have to go anywhere tonight. If all went well, he wanted to stay with him. He asked, but his question trailed off suddenly when he felt Ryan’s hand test comfortably on the small of his back. He felt himself short circuit yet again, inhaling sharply, his nerves electrified, every other sense muted so he could focus on that light but firm touch, guiding him into the living room. Brendon mourned its loss when Ryan went over to sit down on his couch. [i]No, I don’t have to be. You can take a seat if you want.[/i] Brendon nodded, and moved to sit on the same couch but on the opposite side. [i]Do you want something to drink? I have, uh... water.[/i] For once in the evening, Brendon looked amused, grinning and shaking his head. [b]”No thanks, I’ve got to drive home,”[/b] He teased, settling back into the cushions and trying to fully relax. This was Ryan. Why was he so anxious? What’s the worst that could happen?

[i]I'm glad you're here, 'cause I wanted to say, um... I miss you, too.[/i] He said that as if the two of them had no choice, like they couldn’t see eachother, when their apartments were barely ten minutes apart. Brendon stayed silent- he was confused, but also felt warm. Ryan [i]had[/i] missed him. [i]I never know what to do with myself anymore. Stupid, I know.[/i] Blinking and considering this, Brendon raised an eyebrow, looking confused. [b]”Why- why haven’t you come back? Why did you leave in the first place?”[/b] He sounded accusatory. That wasn’t his intention. He was more sad than anything. [b]”...Okay, yeah, Shane, he’s a fucker. I dumped him- by the way.”[/b] Was he even talking? He heard words come out of his own mouth, but distantly, like he was distracted- and he was, by Ryan, who looked so annoyingly and effortlessly handsome. Did Ryan have any idea what he did to Brendon? Was it the same the other way around? Brendon had so many questions, so much to say. But he had to breathe.