Something about the way Brendon was looking at him... he'd never felt it before. Not just from him, but ever. He wasn't being too obvious about it, just looked a little stunned, which could either be a part of what was making him nervous or, well, the fact that Ryan had made some serious changes about an hour previous. The stubble, he'd just decided to leave rather than risk looking even more ridiculously like a teenager; the clothes Spencer had chosen and were very out of his usual fashion scope. So he could understand if Brendon was a little taken aback. Ryan entertained the briefest thought that maybe he might like the changes, maybe these should stay permanent - but it was [i]really[/i] weird to value his opinion on whether or not he thought he looked good if he had been trying to separate himself from his feelings for so long. He never had a chance, even if he'd made some minor improvements.

Brendon sat opposite him so Ryan brought up his legs to sit in a pretzel while he faced him, wringing his hands around his knee by habit. He felt a weight off his shoulders when Brendon finally smiled back, even looking like he found Ryan's ridiculous grocery situation funny, and Ryan relaxed a little, thinking it couldn't be so bad if he could eke some amusement from him. [i]No thanks, I’ve got to drive home.[/i] Ryan laughed easily, leaning his side against the back of the couch and tilting his head at Brendon. It was really hard to ignore the past, now, and evidently he was more stuck in it than he thought. He found himself charmed by the same old quick humor, the sweet features, the way if he smiled genuinely enough his eyes crinkled up endearingly. So Ryan looked at his hands instead to avoid danger.

Ryan certainly hadn't expected to be confusing, but, yeah, talking like he did made it sound as if he'd ignored the simpler choice of just staying around. He supposed he never really did get a chance to explain in full what'd happened, and he probably never would, considering revealing how he'd felt would just be a fruitless endeavor. Even if he and Shane ever ended things, Ryan was sure Brendon wouldn't be interested in experimenting with the whole dating thing again. [i]Why- why haven’t you come back? Why did you leave in the first place?[/i] Ryan's natural smile faded somewhat at his tone, although the questions themselves were innocent on their own. He opened his mouth to probably stutter something nonsensical out before Brendon continued. [i]...Okay, yeah, Shane, he’s a fucker. I dumped him- by the way.[/i]

Ryan's face didn't change, but he was appalled. Not that things looked all sunshine and rainbows when he left, but the timing was so convenient that Ryan figured maybe him not being there to help was what pushed Brendon to his limit. On one hand it was great that things were over. On the other... the ending to that story must have been painful, because Shane was a sadistic little shit. [b]"Just now, you dumped him? Jesus. I was wondering why you looked sort of anxious. Not like you. Congratulations, then. I'm sure he didn't take it well."[/b] So that made sense, he guessed. Brendon gets through an undoubtedly messy episode, comes here and looks way out of his wits. It was getting better, though, Ryan thought he could tell, so maybe coming here was the best thing to do. He was oddly proud of him - it was no easy feat to leave someone who simultaneously built you up and brought you way, way down when they needed to control you.

[b]"But, um. It was... partially him. I didn't want to upset you, being... the way I was around him."[/b] He picked at a thread in his jeans, knowing that barely made sense, but. [b]"I wasn't sure if I could come back and, like, be different. Calmer. So I was working on that. But, for what it's worth, I still want to beat his ass."[/b] He'd started to look up, and smiled sheepishly at the last words, definitely having held that one in for a while - except for probably half-empty threats directed at Shane himself. His smile gradually diminished into a more reserved expression, uncertain. It's not like Brendon didn't [i]know.[/i] There was no harm in saying the other truth. [b]"And I was trying to get over you, so that it was easier to see you with him. I've been afraid that, if I came back, I'd just feel the same all over again."[/b] He looked off at the opposite wall, knowing Brendon couldn't do anything about that, so there was no point - but he'd asked. And at least he [i]had[/i] made some of the slightest actual progress to show for in getting past what he felt - he'd had a date planned... 'til he cancelled for Brendon. Shit. Anyway, he hadn't stared, or anything similarly embarrassing, at least. He sucked in a breath, all trapped energy. [b]"I think I can come back, though. I mean, I’d like to.”[/b]