When Brendon had imagined this scenario, he admittedly didn’t take into account the fact that he would be so nervous he struggled to even speak without his voice wavering. He wasn’t [i]scared[/i], per say, but this was huge, this changed everything but also nothing at all. They’d be the same, behave the same- they’d just be able to refer to eachother as husbands, and Ryan’s surname would be Blake. Yeah. There was no way Brendon was becoming ‘Brendon Ready’, and though he doubted Ryan would insist on that, if he did, the wedding was effectively of until Brendon could change his mind. Either way, his heart was racing in his chest, even as he lay comfortably on Ryan’s chest, listening to his own slower, more relaxed heartbeat and hoping it would would steady his own. He felt Ryan’s arms wrap around him and pull him closer, and felt a dizzy rush of attachment, like he was exactly where he was supposed to be and never wanted to move. They could stay there forever, for all he cared, as long as he remained in Ryan’s arms.

[i]No, you.[/i] Brendon smiled, turning his face into his chest to hide his grin, a behaviour that was usually attributed to Ryan. [b]”Very articulate, baby,”[/b] He commented softly, letting his eyes fall shut and his face relax. He felt, again, an intense sense of belonging and connection that he didn’t experience a lot- they were always in love, he always felt drawn to him, but overwhelming emotions like these were reserved for passionate moments, or public but intimate actions like Brendon wrapping Ryan graciously in a pride flag, one of many that fans held out for him to take. He always ended up there, both of them draped in it, the image of a cliche, but not really caring and completely in love. Ryan always turned the mic away, said something profound that felt too private, too personal for the fans to hear. And Brendon kissed him, gentle, then reluctantly pulled away when he realised he actually had to sing soon because Dallon was getting impatient and starting to play the bassline of the next song. There was only so much PDA that their fellow bandmates could take- Spencer especially had seen and heard enough at the cabin.

This was similar, but mellower, more peaceful- even if the air was alight with apprehension, they managed to settle, Brendon’s limbs feeling like lead. How the hell was he supposed to do this? A part of him considered cutting the chase and just outright asking with no long-winded lead-up, but then he considered everything he had to say, all the things he felt for Ryan that were so hard to put into words but he was going to give it his best shot. So he broke the comfortable silence with his soft, low voice, being deliberately vague, but not enough so that Ryan was confused. He seemed surprised, but didn’t say anything at first, just listened. [i]Me, neither.[/i] Brendon had sat up by then, and though he missed the familiarity of Ryan’s embrace, he knew if he stayed he’d just fall asleep. [b]”You never were,”[/b] He laughed gently, prodding Ryan in the side as Ryan more serenely drifted a hand through Brendon’s hair. [b]”It was always me, being stupid. I don’t know why I ever thought I didn’t want to spend my entire life with you.”[/b]

Ryan then took his hand, another familiar, comforting gesture, and Brendon held on tight as their fingers automatically intertwined. Brendon turned to look at him, meaningfully, words still on his tongue, but he was stopped momentarily, distracted by just searching his gaze, wondering whether he’d caught on yet. Ryan, surprisingly, tended to be the more observant out of the two of them. He moved in suddenly to kiss him, effectively to quell his desire to do so, so he could concentrate. If he didn’t stick to the right think he’d get distracted, and they’d be there all night, waiting for Brendon to find the right words to propose to the love of his entire life. Anyway, he noticed that little glimmer in his honey eyes, and felt his chest tighten- firstly because fuck, his [i]eyes[/i], Brendon wasn’t sure he’d ever get over them, and secondly, Brendon was pretty sure he knew where this was going. No turning back now, he thought- but then, he’d never intended to. Brendon kissed him again, impulsively.

[i]I’m glad you say that, baby. I - I dream about it, honestly.[/i] Brendon felt his heart melt a little, but then it had been since they’d first arrived at the cabin when Brendon, who previously thought himself to not be that sentimental about places and memories, was crushed by the weight of the familiarity of the location- particularly the lakeshore, and Ryan’s old room. [b]”What do you dream about?”[/b] He asked tentatively, asking for more clarification. Were they on the same page? [i]’Forever’.[/i] That was telling enough. Brendon inhaled, exhaled, tightened his grip on Ryan’s hand, then shifted a little closer to his boyfriend, deciding that if he didn’t do it now, he’d never get around to it and they really wouldn’t get anywhere. At least he was now pretty sure what Ryan’s answer was going to be.

[b]”I- listen,”[/b] Not that he thought Ryan wasn’t. Ryan’s attention was fully on him. [b]”It’s funny, because, back when we first fell in love here, I would never have thought about doing this.”[/b] Brendon swallowed, blinked, managed a smile. [b]”I thought ‘forever’ was so’- terrifying. Overwhelming. And maybe it is a lot, but I don’t care anymore. I love you, more than anything, you’re the first thing on my mind in the morning and the last thing on my mind when I go to sleep, and there’s nowhere I’d rather be than by your side. Forever,” [/b]He repeated, and he paused, trying not to smile when he brought his free hand down into his pocket and pulled out what he’d been holding on to for hours- the ring box. Freeing his other hand from Ryan’s, he held his breath, opened it, and then spoke, soft but sure, wholly in love. [b]”I want you to marry me, darling.”[/b]