[b]Content Type:[/b] Written Work

[hider=Hunting life vignette]Way back when I was some shitty lil' kid or something like that, this weird lady at my library stomping grounds told me some weird fact about words or some shit. Kinda weird that it's still in the brain, but it was something about where the word "Hunter" came from. Didn't wanna know it at the time coz I was me, yeah? Real monster of a brat and shit, but it somehow stuck. Maybe because she gave me candy or something. Yo, she Pavlov'd that shit real hard, but anyway like, Hunters, yeah? We go all fucking hard on the job coz the job description or word meaning or dictionary entry or whatever is like "yo, yo buddy, get a fucking load of this shit - I'mma fuckin' win a prize so you just fuckin' watch", so if we didn't go fucking ham and all, we'd be real fucking liars? And that shit just ain't gucci. You gotta do your job right else you ain't getting paid.

Like, I'm a fucking Hunter, so I gotta hunt shit. Win that bigass jackpot prize. Bring home the pork. Or steal it from some supermarket or whatever, those guys aren't gonna fucking miss shit when they're dumbass enough to open one down here. Anyway, like, where I was? Right, I'm supposed to kill all these fucking monsters real fast, real good, so I can roll in that money. That's the job description.

But like, I dunno if I can pull it off here.

This fucker in front of me is the biggest fucking ass I've ever seen.

Like, eighteen fucking years of me being me, right? Never ever ever seen a bigger ass. Not even that ol' mama of Athanaric's - God bless her obese soul - was a bigger ass. That's a fucking huge ass. Like, so fucking big. If I had one of those credit penny things I could fucking bounce it off that ass even if it was like, forty mes or something in size. And that's fucking terrible. You could make so many fucking coins with that much metal. I think it was in some eco class or some shit that my teach was like "yo, yo girl, get a fucking load of this shit - supply and demand means you ain't fuckin' need a fuckin' hugeass forty Friddy-size coin".

I could sell all that metal for like, a fuckton of money.

Coz you could probs hit up the metalworks with all that metal and get a whole shitload of swords, yeah? Or maybe arrowtips. Yeah, you could go fucking ham on this ass and shoot all the fucking arrows into its meat. And it'd die, and then you'd be doing your job as a Hunter and get that reward 'Hunda' thing. That's a good idea. I should fucking steal that.

Right yeah, I gotta like, kill this ass.

Just coz this bigass Donkey Grimm is well hardcore doesn't mean I ain't able to fuck its ass six ways from Sunday.

And like, even if it wasn't me, some other weirdo hypothetical Hunter would totally rock up and slice its neck open real fancy, like my pal's pops' boss' secretary's sushi chef did with that hugeass salmon I once sold her, right? They'd come in and pull off some Semblance shenaniganery and it'll be all gucci. It doesn't need to be me at all. But I'm fucking doing it anyway. I'm supposed to kill real hard, real fast, real good, and I'll be rolling in that real money.

That's my fucking money, weirdo hypothetical Hunter. I'mma wipe this ass and have some good shit for dinner. You're not invited.

Only Friddy allowed. If your name ain't Hveitalu Friedigerdr, get the fuck outta my way.

Gotta do this pronto though, coz this ass is rampaging this way. This way being like, my turf, yeah? Like some ol' geezer I met once told me that tits were life but ass is hometown or some weirdly sexual stuff like that but I didn't really get it coz like, why you asking some ace girl about her fucking fetishes, yeah? But anyway like, even if you think ass is hometown or whatever, you can't let some other fucking ass into your hometown. How the fuck would I get dinner if it's all rubble at the end of the day? It's [i]my[/i] stomping ground you stupid fucking donkey, not yours.

So like, I gotta make like a puissant pigeon and win me a real prize.

"[color=dfdfe5]Adrian, ass out.[/color]"

There's a cracking sound beneath my feet which is like, really ain't that gucci. Yeah, coz like, this isn't my wall or anything. I don't own a wall. I have a fence that's made of some real nice Northern Mistralese wood though, but that's to keep those feral cats outta the tomato garden I stole from next door. It's the communal wall thing so if I'm cracking it, that's me paying some repair costs or some shit coz even if it's like, super Grimm proof or whatever, some stupid idiot didn't think about prepping it for some ol' Atlesian power suit plonking its ass down on it. Maybe they thought that nobody could be so fucking stupid to go like "yo, yo buddy, I'mma make use of this bigass wall that's been cert'd or some shit only for fifty people sitting on it at a time else the compressive stress would equal failure via buckling to support some bigass robo ass doing some bigass robo big cannon action", but that's just fucking stupid. Coz I'm that fucking stupid, and right here, right now, with God as my witness, I'm gonna get my Adrian to shoot that bigass ass coming closer and closer, and this wall's gonna support that recoil.

I think this is some real unprecedented shit, yeah? Like crossing the Danube like a real barbaroi to sack some cities unprecedented. Eat your fucking heart out Strauss, coz I'm gonna Danube this shit, yeah. Strauss who? Go lick the Emperor's feet like the dog you are, coz this is my song now. Well, my Adrian's song coz he's doing the bigass big cannon shooting thing and that's the noisemaker, but me and my Adrian are tight, so it's my song too, right? And in the end, the bigwigs are gonna hand that Hunda over to the Hunter, AKA the fantastic Friddy, me, so they think I'm legit singing too. Sorry Adrian, don't wanna snub you, but those wimps in the Capital are real rude to robo shit.

Anyway like, that ass is coming real fucking close.

Like, motorboat close.

Yeah no I'm not letting that fucker make a donkey outta me. Never. That's what I'm here for. I'm gonna wipe this ass, and I'm gonna get me some grub with all that fucking dosh. Rolling, although dunno about literally coz the school nurse was like "yo, yo did you know that money's fuckin' dirty as shit and like, not just some mafioso Fiordilatte dosh, but everybody's gonna be fiddlin' and that means you got all the bacteria if you be rolling?" Think she said something about germ theory being all up in this joint too, but lil' brat me was more scared of syphilis, yeah.

Anyway.

This ass is on top of me and I don't fucking like it.

Neither does Adrian.

"[color=dfdfe5]Teiws Cannon, thrust![/color]"

This ass, bigass Donkey Grimm, goes fucking gribble. Like, blood rain gribble. Real unhygienic shit, but these fuckers melt away way before any of those bacteria brats try and get onto you. They're so fast they could go win some Olympic tier racing matches or some shit like that, but I guess they just like eating humies and going all fucking "let's take over the fucking world", right? Well, this ass isn't gonna be doing that. It went from muscled black quadruped to no muscles, no legs. No body too.

Exploded all over me.

Exploded all over this fucking wall too.

The fucking wall also exploded over fucking me and fucking Adrian.

Like, that fucking hurts okay?

But look on the bright side or whatever. I'm still alive. Buried in a whole buttload of rubble though, and this one construction worker guy I smacked for getting his mitts on my sidekick way back told me that most peeps don't fucking survive getting buried like a sarcophagus or grave or some kinda dead person in rubble, so that means I'm probably some hot shit. Well like, Hunters gotta be hot shit or they ain't getting the cash. Cash that me and Adrian are gonna be rolling in now that that ass got assed.

Actually shit, like this wall's gonna need some real compensation right? That means I just got fucked well hardcore. Damn shit, you fucked up Friddy. No sushi dinner tonight. Maybe I can go grab one of those fishing rods my mama has and make my own bigass salmon dish. I can prep a fish in no time, no sweat. Just gotta fish it up, take out all that disgusting shit in its guts, like its guts, and then clean out and you can start doing the real food business.

What, you think a real badass gal like Hveitalu Friedigerdr can get ethered by some shit like bad sushi?

Who the fuck do you think I am?

This fucking wall ain't did shit, so what can a dead fish do?

I'm fucking invincible.[/hider]