Their situation was always, always nice, in the moment. Ryan was always happy with Brendon, comfortable and relieved - and then sometimes he made the mistake of looking back or reflecting too heavily on them. They were physically intimate, only sometimes vaguely romantic and it was always subtextual, never discussed, but the heartwrenching piece was how much of Ryan's imagination was involved. It was almost unfair to Brendon, the level at which he romanticized the two of them; if they were kissing, it was more to him than just that, and when he had to get up and go once they'd calmed down it felt unnatural to return to his own apartment. Ryan knew what they really were, he knew their situation and how comfortable Brendon was with how things went - and yet he kept up maintaining this fantasy that they were 'together' to any extent.

It sounds sad, really, but those were just the facts; some moments, though, it became easier to play out his imagination without it seeming too far-fetched. Unfortunately still unfair to Brendon no matter how he went about it, though. Brendon was looking for a personal assistant (or at least his father was) and he'd ended up with this pining companion, way too obvious about it all. Then, sometimes, it was like they balanced out, and both of them were on the same page. Like now: Brendon had suddenly actually opened up to him, and had been gentle all throughout, not to mention the fact that Gabe had even admitted he saw Brendon differently from everyone else. At times like this Ryan thought maybe they weren't so out of sync, like maybe he wasn't so crazy for seeing something between them.

But realistically he pretty much was. So he kept quiet. It's not like it was something that wouldn't [i]pass.[/i] [i]It’s okay. Just- everything’s getting to me, and that- it was on my mind, constantly.[/i] Ryan nodded intently, waiting for more because this was such a rare moment for Brendon, he never, ever opened up anything, but it never came. Instead he lifted his arms as his shirt came free, torn between trying to keep him talking and going along with what they'd escalated to. Seemed like he couldn't really manage both. Brendon was shaking his head like it was all behind him and Ryan pursed his lips, knowing he couldn't get away with pressing but staying mostly still anyway. That was another thing - he tended to get a little too caught up in everything but the real part of their relationship, which, right now, was calling for his input. Ryan appeared a little too preoccupied to actually act much.

Instead he shivered at every touch, eyes glued to Brendon while his hands moved expertly over skin he likely already knew all too well. [i]You know, one of these days you’re gonna have to learn to take a shirt off.[/i] Brendon didn't seem actually bothered but Ryan still got self-conscious suddenly, realising he'd definitely not been putting in the same amount of effort, and grinned sheepishly against Brendon's lips. He slipped his hand up beneath his shirt immediately, glad he'd gone for casual rather than the full suit today, urging the fabric up to his sternum and splaying his hands over Brendon's chest. [b]"Sorry. You're distracting."[/b] He started teasing Brendon's shirt up further, laughing gently while he tried prompting him to lift his arms. 

Ryan was practically incapable of anything when the unheard of soft kisses drifted to his cheekbone, letting them trail until the last moment when he turned to catch Brendon's lips again, fighting a smile. [i]...You’re so damn pretty. It’s becoming an issue for me, you know.[/i] [b]"[i]I[/i] am?"[/b] Ryan asked incredulously - very smooth. It was just the first thing he blurted out, since his dumb brain tended to focus on being self-deprecating, whatever. The thing was, Brendon was about the most handsome person he'd ever seen, practically princely, and he knew he wouldn't be able to say it out loud without sounding like he was... serious about all this, or something. He skipped over all that, tried again. [b]"An issue. How so? Feel free to do whatever you want about it."[/b] Ryan lifted his chin slightly, bold - somewhat forced boldness, but still.