Right then, there were too separate moods at a dichotomy, driving Brendon’s mind and body in distinguishably different directions. The majority of him wanted to finish what they started, was driven by a lustful subtext that was pretty much constantly there for someone like Brendon, while a smaller part of him was swelled with emotion and a strong feeling of attachment he wasn’t used to, affection beyond what he was willing to show or feel. This imbalance was vaguely uncomfortable and alien to him- his physical desires were never usually diluted by any emotional turmoil- and this wasn’t even a turmoil, it was a soft, gentle feeling that made him want to just sit there and kiss him chastely, no further goal in mind. But Brendon wasn’t even really aware that kissing didn’t always have to be a prelude to something more- sometimes kissing was kissing, it was showing affection, it was comfortable, calm intimacy that Brendon wasn’t used to giving or receiving. So, even though the vast majority of him wanted to accelerate and shed more clothes, the tiny pockets of gentleness were strong enough to render him more easygoing and gradual. They had all the time in the world, he told himself- then shook his head free of the dangerously sentimental thought.

Ryan was handsome, and responsive, and gentle, and somehow still awestruck and even awkward in situations like this, even after they’d been through it many times now. Brendon wasn’t sure whether to be offended or not- it didn’t seem like a compliment, but then again, maybe he just had an immobilising effect on people. It had happened before, he just didn’t care enough to notice that people were so breathtaken by his presence, his touch, everything about him. With Ryan, he was more attentive, so he noticed the short, escaped gasp, the pressure of Ryan’s fingers on his hipbones, his hands just below his waistband. Brendon felt it all vividly, his senses pleasantly overloaded for once. He busied his hands on Ryan’s skin as he spoke, eyes down, no idea what he wanted to say, just winging it as he went along. He cared about Ryan a lot- as his assistant, his best friend, his semi-casual lover- and the knowledge that he had been a dick to him more times than he cared to remember hurt, and invoked guilt in his gut that was prevalent whenever he looked at him and thought about it for too long. Ryan didn’t deserve that- didn’t deserve to be the brunt of the needless stresses of a spoiled rich kid.

Brendon bit his lip for just a moment, eyes distant, that refocused and leaned in to kiss a very distracted looking Ryan. [i]And that helps.[/i] Brendon shrugged one shoulder, but nodded, matching Ryan’s tentative half-smile. [b]”Yes, it does help.”[/b] Ryan was quiet for a while, understandably- Brendon had reprimanded him for talking too much and then there was he, dropping his guilt on Ryan’s shoulders while part of him fretted about Ryan’s reaction and the other part told him who cares, what are you doing, this is not sleeping with him, by the way, get your priorities straight. He told that part to shut up for just one second. [i]Thank you.[/i] Brendon smiled, shrugged, uncertain. [i]You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say all that.[/i] Was he really? Replaying all the words he had said in his head, Brendon was wincing, because he sounded almost callous, like he was saying it to half-ass addressing the unspoken between them, or just to make himself feel better. That wasn’t the case, and Brendon didn’t know how to explain that, so he just trusted that Ryan really was genuinely grateful.

[i]In case it wasn’t obvious, I care about you, too. Like you’d say- ‘more than you know’.[/i] Brendon smiled, briefly resting his forehead against Ryan’s as he drew a thumb gently across his jaw. [i]And I guess you’re pretty cute.[/i] He let his jaw drop slightly, eyebrows raising, unimpressed. [b]”You [i]guess?”[/i][/b] He questioned, shifting slightly again and putting pressure down against Ryan’s hips, vengeful. [b]”That sounds uncommitted. You’re reallt starting to [i]offend[/i] some people.”[/b] Ruffled, but mostly unaffected by the poorly thought out comment (for someone like Brendon, anyway), he moved on, finally deciding they should actually do what their relationship entailed- or what it was supposed to entail. [i]Bold of you to assume I have the patience to move to a bed or wherever, right now. Look what you’ve done to me.[/i] Brendon did, and he found that he liked the picture. [i]I look like I ran a mile.[/i] He smiled, shrugging with faux-innocence. [i]Stay.[/i] That one word was unbelievably compelling. He stayed.

He was about to speak again, but then he looked down and Ryan had done away with the fastening on his jeans, and he raised one eyebrow, faintly amused but mostly glad he finally had some initiative in him. Ryan’s hand was beneath the fabric and at his hip, and Brendon’s eyelashes dropped low over his eyes, his vision a little hazy as he shivered at the gentle touch. He was barely paying attention when Ryan spoke again. [i]What made you say all of that? I like you talking that way.[/i] Brendon blinked, pulled his arms back from over Ryan’s shoulders and moved them up to frame his jaw, pulling him in for and fully ignoring his question for the entire duration of what became a passionate kiss. When he could avoid it no longer, he drew back, bit his lip. [b]”If you just wanted to talk, baby, you can go home and call me,”[/b] He said archly, raising his eyebrows and deciding to fully settle back into the cushions, leaving his legs in Ryan’s lap. [b]”Or, we can talk later. Sound like a plan?”[/b]