Unlike with Shane, where his relationship had been mostly horrible, peppered with rare instances of him being suffocatingky sweet, Brendon’s time so far with Ryan had been mostly everything he could have ever hoped for- somebody who actually respected him, knew him well, genuinely cared about him. They went on dates (when Brendon didn’t bail), slept over at eachothers apartments more often than they slept alone (mostly at Brendon’s), and they kissed without it leading into something, called eachother baby, Brendon introduced Ryan as his boyfriend before his PA. Brendon saw him as something of an angel, but that could be dangerous- even though Shane, a man he know saw as the devil incarnate, an asshole on all accounts, walked all over him, Brendon sometimes didn’t recognised that he was unintentionally walking over Ryan, who didn’t really feel compelled to talk about it because Ryan had to work on his critical attitude, Brendon on his ability to take criticism, and both of them had to work on communication. A little of that, a little honesty in the gentlest but firmest way possible, this could probably all be solved in an evening. But no, Brendon swept their plans under the rug and decided to get wasted, shunning Ryan to please his audience, and Ryan went home, which was admittedly understandable.

[i]That’s your[/i] name, [i]crackhead.[/i] Brendon sounded affronted even though he didn’t say anything- his stunned silence said it all as he bit his lip hard and fought with his dwindling common sense. He wanted to rip into Ryan- but he couldn’t actually think of much he could use to drag him. Fuck Ryan for being boring and an amazing boyfriend. [b]”My name is [i]Brendon,”[/i][/b] He replied intelligently, sounding more silky than scathing. He heard Ryan’s amused rush of air and felt like throwing his phone across the room, but instead his put him on speaker, cracking his knuckles way too aggressively and considering just hanging up before this conversation became too annoying and too complex for drunk Brendon to handle. [i]Oh. Brendon, you said ‘fuck that’ when I said we should go, and then you invited me to leave before sharing a laugh with your crew.[/i] Brendon clicked his tongue, leaned back against the cushions, shutting his eyes as he spoke- or tried to speak. [b]”Ryan, [i]baby,”[/i][/b] He started, definitely not intending to sound affectionate. [b]”You said you wanted to leave. I basically said [i]feel free.[/i] Would you- would you fuckin’ prefer if I asked you to stay? I just said I didn’t care, I wasn’t being a dick. It always happens anyway,”[/b] He muttered, opening his eyes and staring at the lights on the ceiling. They were way too bright, but he didn’t look away, even when he started to feel dizzy.

[i]That was kind of asshole behaviour. So I, ‘by all means, went home.’[/i] Brendon sat up, furrowing his brow- what? Why did that sound so pointed? He paused a moment, confused, then shook his head. [b]”You could have at least told me,”[/b] He messed with the cuffs of his sleeves, picking at the fabric and blinking away the blurriness from his vision. [b]”I was looking forward to seeing you.”[/b] Some would say a pathetic attempt- but he meant at. At least, drunk him meant it. Sober Brendon would have pretended to stop caring and been in the pool by now, sending Ryan obnoxious selfies just to irritate him- and subtly tell him that yeah, he did miss him, come over. He was a lot of work- but he liked to think he was usually worth it. Just maybe not now. [i]I didn’t think you would- sorry about that, actually.[/i] [b]”Didn’t think I’d what? Care? Charming,”[/b] He retorted, not even giving Ryan a chance to breathe. He sat back again, dragging a hand roughly through his hair as it started to fall in front of his eyes, and breathed deeply. Mistake. He suddenly felt nauseous, and paused, glancing towards the bathroom. False alarm, thankfully- but he still felt slightly sick as Ryan continued on.

[i]Baby.[/i] Don’t ‘baby’, me, he thought stubbornly, getting closer to just hanging up and leaving Ryan to some documentary or boring book or whatever his boyfriend got up to when he wasn’t working for Brendon, or with Brendon. Maybe that was Brendon's problem- he still thought that Ryan’s world revolves around him. And work wasn’t life- and neither was a boyfriend- even if he was a pretty big part, it was selfish of him to think he was all that mattered. And he didn’t, really, but he didn’t exactly show that. [i]Are you really going back out?[/i] [b]”Well, y’know, somebody ruined my other plans. So, yeah.”[/b] He sounded sort of immature- but that was Brendon when he was mad, and drunk. [i]You could just- go to bed.[/i] He was about to tell him that he was okay, thank you, but Ryan continued- [i]I’ll come over if you want, you know.[/i] He paused, because god, it was tempting, suddenly he was tired, suddenly there was nothing more appealing than falling asleep in Ryan’s arms and sleeping possibly til the afternoon. But Brendon was stubborn. He had to make his point somehow, and giving in was not how to do it. 

He stood up suddenly, taking his phone with him, and swayed, realising he was dizzy, drunk, and nauseous. It would be fun to try and go back out like this, now those shots he’d taken right before he left had kicked in. Brendon hesitated. [b]”Don’t bother,”[/b] He said finally, moving over to the kitchen counter to steady himself, [b]”Clearly you didn’t want to in the first place. Stay at home, read your book or whatever, enjoy your alone time. I’ll go fuckin’ find someone who’s actually fun- [i]Shane,”[/i][/b] He announced, not thinking, before immediately feeling even more sick and clenching his jaw, backtracking before he even took another breath. [b]”No, no, fuck that, forget I said that,”[/b] He mumbled, leaned against the counter and putting his phone down. [b]”I don’t feel good, I- I’m gonna go.”[/b]