[b]ALRIGHT LISTEN UP FUCKOS, ‘CAUSE LADY SELUNE GON’ TELL YOU ‘BOUT SOME GAMES.[/b]

Now that I’ve got your attention, have a gander at these rooty-tooty-point-and-shooty games that are actually fun, and a couple more hat are just straight up garbage thankee kindly.

First up, we have a criminally underrated game: Rising Storm 2, [s]1960s flashback simulator[/s] Vietnam. This game involves some of the best fucking gunplay I’ve ever seen, hands down. Guns in RS2 feel like you’ve got a big hunk of polymer in your hands that spit out death. The M1 is a fucking fantastic gun, because every thudding shot sounds amazing from it. The Mosin Nagant makes me cream my pants every time that I use it to shoot an American. Admittedly, the AK and SKS are trash that feels like you’re trying to hit people with a damp roll of newspaper, but that doesn’t detract from the fact that taking an AK, setting it to fully automatic and spraying down a closet is still awesome.

The roles that the game has are tasty too. Sure, you have your basic grunt role, which amounts to ‘here gun, here grenade, shoot,’ but there are also scouts that get SMGs and shotguns, grenadiers and RPG troopers that get bloop tubes and… RPGs… Machine gunners that get enough firepower to clear houses from the outside, and the ultimate bros, your radioman and commander.

Commanders get pointers from squad leaders, and use them to fuck the other team in the dick with artillery, napalm, gunships or just spawning the entirety of North Vietnam directly on the enemy team’s point. Then, to top it off, if you’re born in the USA like a true patriot, you can get behind the rotors of a helicopter, and proudly show off the red white and BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT.

Another game that takes fully automatic guns and makes them kill you in like, no time at all is Insurgency, and that game is overrated. Now, you might be saying ‘are you high for the fiftieth time this week, Insurgency is an indie shooter that barely anyone plays’ and to that I say no, shut the fuck up, it’s overrated. Why? Because the game is widely considered good, and it isn’t. Every SINGLE game goes the same way. Race to get the class that has your favourite and near-identical gun for the cheapest. Walk towards the objective, spraying down every potential hiding spot. Die. Repeat.

Apart from Ambush, otherwise known as VIP extraction which is the only decent gamemode and is practically fucking dead, it might as well just be a bad call of duty inspired source mod, which is why the fact that NWI, the developers, made the next game on my list is confusing.
Because Day of Infamy is FUCKING AMAZING. The problems regarding samey guns is gone. Classes actually mean things, rather than swapping you between having two different types of SMGs that handle near identically. Bolt action rifles are worth a damn, and every class has a very specific role that it needs to fufill. Unless your snipers are taking out their MGs and officers (who much like in RS2, can fuck the enemy right inside their dicks by dropping high explosives on their heads,) your MGs are working crowd control, your assaults and flamethrowers are pushing objectives and your engineers are blowing shit up, you ain’t winning boyo.

In fact, the only issue I have with Day of Infamy is that their map design is garbage. There’s approximately one map that’s actually good, and one other map that’s fun, those being a map set during the Nazi invasion of Greece, where Commonwealth troops beat a fighting retreat through narrow streets, wide open courtyards, and finally a fucking CASTLE, and the obligatory Omaha Beach map, where you need to actually assault the beach, then push towards a terrifyingly open MG nest, and then finally root the Germans out of a bunker system to secure the win. Other than these two maps, which aren’t free from issues, you have Brittany, where a German MG can set up shop almost directly on top of the US spawn before the game even starts, Dunkirk, where the final objective can be destroyed by an airstrike, and Sicily, featuring the world’s most complicated cathedral ever to exist, and a bunch that you’ll play like twice before you end up on Omaha beach again.

From WW2 though, we fast forward to a game that I actually [i]like,[/i] but is still a total piece of garbage no matter which way you cut it. Rainbow Six fucking Siege. A tactical game with no actual tactics other than ‘pick a fast operator and YEET around the map like a motherfucker, with a balancing team seemingly perpetually drunk, having stabbed themselves in the eye with a fork and are now puking everywhere. I’ve played the game for more than two years, and I can’t stand it any more, because they can’t fucking decide what they want to do with the game.

That moves us onto ano- WOAH FOR HONOR WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU COME FROM? How the shitfuck Ubisoft pulled this out of their asses I have no idea, because it’s actually managed to claw its way out of the pile of dead games like Jason Brody’s mass grave escape in Farcry 3. Having been whipped and abused non-stop by Ubisoft, who were seemingly desperate to curbstomp the first original IP they’ve had since one of them went on a drunken bender watching Doctor Who and came up with Assassin’s Creed, it’s now ACTUALLY FUN! 

Ok, it’s an unbalanced mess of heroes that are bad and hilariously overpowered, with console being repeatedly fucked up the ass thanks to the fact that they have less FPS than PC making blocking some attacks nigh-impossible to avoid and a community so salty that League tells them to calm down, but it’s still fun! Maybe…

Alright, enough of this, I’m going to watch the two lovebirds in this thread fellate each other’s rage boners for the next 3 years.