[b]Kotori Shirohane - Warakuma Central Shrine | Wednesday, July 13 2015[/b]

Kotori glanced over at Rui when he took a thoughtful moment before answering her question; the subtle motion being betrayed by her need to slightly turn her head to actually be able to see his face through her glasses. When he did answer, however, she quickly averted her gaze again with what almost looked like a small smile. The odd twist that he would wish for precisely that which she had too strange for her not to find it weirdly funny - even if he had done so unknowingly.

At least, that's what she thought until he added another two words. These caused Kotori to briefly pause mid-step, blinking in surprise and look at Rui; the surprise written as clearly on her face as it was heard in her voice as she perfectly enunciated her thoughts on the matter: [color=green]"Eh?"[/color] Barely catching herself from staring, Kotori hurriedly returned to the previous walking pace with her eyes most definitely fixed on some non-descript point on the ground before her. But before she could rack her brain over just what he meant with that, Rui spoke up once more.

As he did, Kotori seemed to shrink under his words as she bit her lip. This... had been exactly what she had always wished to avoid. She'd never wanted to burden anyone else with worries about herself - she'd have much preferred to silently let the events come to pass, however that may transpire. Yet here Rui stood, stating that in keeping so silent, she had in fact only managed to achieve the opposite. That he believed her to be well was only a small consolation as she almost reflexively opened her mouth to say: [color=green]"Uhm, s-sorry..."[/color]

But as she did, her steps once more slowed and the inner conflict that was so evident upon her face seemed to come to an equally slow and confused halt. As she'd apologised for being such a burden, Kotori had found herself remembering the aftermath of her kidnapping in May. Then, too, she had apologised for having endangered those that had come to save her of - unbidden and of their own volition. But she also remembered the words that Rui had said after the fight - how sad it was to hide away. And she remembered how she'd resolved to stop doing that; to face the world with courage in her heart - no matter what that may incur.

Yet here she was, back to her old ways of trying to hide herself away. And with that realisation, Kotori took a deep breath before she raised her eyes up from the floor once more. For months she had known that the surgery was soon going to come to pass - and for months, she'd kept her own worries and fears about it to herself. She'd hadn't told anyone else about it- though obviously, it was impossible to hide from the whole Investigation Team after she'd announced it for all to hear back then. She'd tried to keep things under wraps - but even as she tried to be as rational about things as she could, Kotori had still felt a deep-seated fear over what might happen if things went wrong. The fear of causing the very same sadness that her father had three years ago.

But she'd kept all this inside - not even to her mother had she spoken about things, much to her own increasing worries about her daughter. She'd thought that if she just kept up appearances, then things would go smoothly - or if they didn't, then at least she wouldn't have caused any additional worries beforehand. But in doing so, she'd really only achieved the opposite - and, she was starting to realise, keeping her thoughts and feelings on the matter bottled up was only making things worse.

It was with this realisation that Kotori finally spoke up - and, for once, fixed her bespectacled gaze directly on Rui's eyes. [color=green]"Actually, that... is something I would like to talk about."[/color] Equally unusually, the usual quiver or uncertainty was lost in her voice - though still quiet, she spoke steadfastly. [color=green]"I... truth be told, I don't think I've been doing all that well recently."[/color] She realised a moment later how that must sound without any context and thus hastily said: [color=green]"Ah, not physically or anything, everything's fine. Well, mostly. As can be, really. But... it's just..."[/color]

Kotori's voice trailed off - but this time, not because she'd lost her confidence mid-sentence, but rather because she simply didn't know how to put her own thoughts into words. Nonetheless, she tried but a moment later: [color=green]"I'm... afraid. Scared. Whenever I think about it, I... I can't help but think... what if? If I... if something... I mean, what then? I mean, I know, everything should go fine. I know that, but... what about my mother? And... and all of you, and... but... really, I... at the end, I... I'm just..."[/color]

Once she'd started talking, it all just came flooding out - and once it had, Kotori finally managed to arrive at that which lay at the very centre of it all. Because underneath all her worries for others and all her attempts at keeping them safe from any consequences, there was one very simple truth: [color=green]"Shinichi-san, I... I'm afraid of dying."[/color] And having spoken those words aloud, Kotori fell silent. At some point, much like her mind, her eyes had begun to wander; ending up at an all too familiar patch of ground as she contemplated her own realisations in her own little world.