[hider=Mu's sheet][quote=@Reflection] Probably too strong, but this is what I have at the moment for a girl with genjutsu so powerful it kills. [hider=Mu-onna "Mu" Kurama] [h3]Mu-onna "Mu" Kurama[/h3] [img]https://static.zerochan.net/Bronzong.full.1408120.jpg[/img] [h3]Character Fields[/h3] [u][b]Name|Aliases[/b][/u] Kurama, Mu-onna (Mu) [b][u]Age|Gender[/u][/b] 11 / Female [u][b]Clan|Rank[/b][/u] Kurama Clan / Genin [u][b]Affiliations[/b][/u] Konohagakure [u][b]Characterization & Prestige[/b][/u] Nothing. That is the personality of Mu. A blank slate, repressed emotions to a degree where you can't even tell that she's human. Instead, she always smiles, even when she is threatened. Not out of a smug superiority, but because she has no idea how to react otherwise. This makes he come off to a majority in her age group as a holier than thou prodigy, who is above it all. In part, that is because she has been systematically abused by her family to repress all emotion. Instead, all emotion has become her alternate personality. A horrible little girl called Yama-Uba. Named for the horrible hag who would capture and raise children, before devouring them. In this state, she reaches a level of genjutsu that can be called truly deadly. Yama is a wicked child. Pulling pranks, caring little for others, and being the kind of child that Mu never had the chance to be. She has wants, needs, and desires others to see her and adore her. All things that Mu does not. Yama tops all of this off with a selfish desire, that means she takes anything she wants. Those that try to object may be victims of a deadly genjutsu, so all who are aware of Yama fear her. Mu is loved, Yama-Uba is feared. [u][b]Origin Story[/b][/u] The Kurama clan speak of one child out of a thousand who possesses a genjutsu so powerful it bleeds into reality. A child of two faces, who is a vessel for a deity held inside their body. This is the legend of the clan, of the first leader of the Kurama clan. A terrible witch who had a daughter with the same trait, and a great grand daughter who could kill a kage on a whim. It is believed that this line died out, but sometimes, one does show up every few generations. In this generation, it is Mu. The Nothing Woman. The reincarnation of the Kurama founder, Yama. When she was born, her parents faded away. It is believed that being brought into the world again as a baby was so traumatic that she used her genjutsu on her own parents. The genjutsu caused their bodies to fade away into dust, leaving only a baby in desperate need of a family to raise her. The Kurama family left her with the clan leader, her own grandmother, and a reincarnation of the founder's daughter. This elderly woman raised her, but trained her in only a few things. In truth, she crushed the child, training her only in the methods of being a weapon. A desire to hold her, mold her, and stifle any dangerous childish beliefs that may lead to doom. Dressed in a heavy gown, to restrict who she is, she became a holy maiden of the Kurama clan. She had no other purpose than to be trained in the clan genjutsu, and to create a genjutsu strong enough to destroy all her clan enemies. So that the Kurama clan could rise to the Major clans. The clan turned her into a weapon, a vessel to hold the spirit of the reincarnated clan leader. In school, she was rarely there. Instead, her family took over much of her education. Thus she was separated from the other clans, and rarely had communication with others her age. She was trained in genjutsu, but as a child often several adults had to be around her at any given time. Due in part to Mu's usage of the clan Kekkei Genkai. a genjutsu so powerful that what happens in the dream happens in real life. The Hokage was worried that such a power, difficult to control, could lead to the deaths of many innocent people. But the Kurama clan insisted she become a shinobi, until finally she was allowed to be a shinobi. Something that may come to disaster. [u][b]Character Development & Conceptualization[/b][/u] Growing out of her shell is a major part of who Mu is. As her name comes from the "Nothing Woman" a japanese demon, she slowly has to become a full person. In part, it means she has to become her own person, free of the darker persona that represents that 'Nothing Woman.' Eventually overwhelming it, and become her own person that isn't bound by her own fractured personality. A major area of growth is in making friends, and losing that pure maiden attitude that her family forced into her. She effectively has to experience the world in ways that aren't just dictated by go here, do this, kill that, go home. As for Yama, there is eventually going to be a time to cycle her out. To eventually have the two personalities combine, and end the horrible wicked girl's games and desires. [h3]Triple T's[/h3] [u][b]Talents[/b][/u] [i]- Writing:[/i] Mu likes to fashion herself a bit of a writer. It is the only way she can truly seek to express herself without allowing Yama to take control of her body. [i]- Genjutsu:[/i] The Kurama clan possesses a Kekkei Genkai. Where once every few generations, a child possesses genjutsu so strong, that if you die in the dream, you die in reality. This place her so far above the average shinobi that to place her among even prodigies could be considered an insult. Her own split personality is probably the only restraint on this. As her own personality while possessing genjutsu capable of stopping other shinobi, she is restrained from using the killing genjutsu of her other half. - [url=http://naruto.wikia.com/wiki/Kurama_Clan%27s_Kekkei_Genkai]Kurama Clan Kekkei Genkai[/url] [u][b]Tools[/b][/u] Standard shinobi weapons, like wire, kunai, and rope. Mu also carries around a series of bells, often attached to the ends of kunai, so that they ring when they strike nearby objects. [u][b]Techniques[/b][/u] [u][b]A Rank:[/b][/u] [u][b]B Rank:[/b][/u] [u][b]C Rank:[/b][/u] [url=http://naruto.wikia.com/wiki/Genjutsu:_Sharingan]Eye-Contact Genjutsu[/url] [url=http://naruto.wikia.com/wiki/Demonic_Illusion:_False_Surroundings_Technique]Demonic Illusion: False Surroundings Technique[/url] [url=http://naruto.wikia.com/wiki/Demonic_Illusion:_Shackling_Stakes_Technique]Demonic illusion: Shackling Stakes Technique[/url] (Yama only) [u][b]D Rank:[/b][/u] [url=http://naruto.wikia.com/wiki/Bell_Ring_Genjutsu]Bell Ring Genjutsu[/url] [url=http://naruto.wikia.com/wiki/Demonic_Illusion:_Double_False_Surroundings_Technique]Demonic Illusion: Double False Surroundings Technique[/url] [url=http://naruto.wikia.com/wiki/Demonic_Illusion:_Hell_Viewing_Technique]Demonic Illusion: Hell Viewing Technique[/url] (Yama only) [u][b]E Rank:[/b][/u] [url=http://naruto.wikia.com/wiki/E-rank]Academy Techniques[/url] [h3]Miscs[/h3] [url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1H54zwjywI]Appropriate Theme for Mu / Yama.[/url] [/hider] [/quote][/hider] [b]Here's my review:[/b] In terms of personality you came clean because you followed the lore of the Kurama Clan, their dual personality shenanigans is creepy and it turned me off but it's alright because it followed the lore. You're my bro Ref, please do me a favor and redo your entire sheet and here are the things you need to understand; many people suffer because they lack knowledge and idiocies like that lead to bad circumstances. Let it sink in that as the GM of this RP, I don't give preferential treatment towards my friends in real life and even in RPs. The things we need to correct and facts I need to lay is the lore of my universe. [b]1.[/b] Unlike the canon Naruto. This RP does not play with reincarnations, Jinchuriki, Rinnegan, Tenseigan. To quote on quote a friend of mine with my inserted emphasis: [hider=Read with care][quote=Inkarnate] Masashi Kishimoto is a creative individual who has throughout the publication of Naruto created an extensive list of jutsu of varying levels of power that in a RP could be frankly bullshit. But unlike other Naruto RP’s I will be clear and say sometimes bullshit is okay— if it’s approvable bullshit with a merit to the story progression or character depth. A genin with abilities that can rival a Kage or Sage? No-no. But given the nuances of prodigies, fools, and kunoichi there is a lot of room for margin of suspension of belief. Even in the canon’s earliest (and most sane) moments, we had characters straight out of the academy who had skills/affinities/talents their teammates didn’t. For example— Sasuke had a variety of techniques that were beyond “Academy Techniques” as he was not only talented but from a prominent clan with various affinities. Sakura had chakra control down so well she could walk up trees whereas her comrades couldn’t. Naruto utilized creative jutsu like his perverse twisting of the transformation technique. If we keep this in mind during character creation we can create clever and dynamic characters that make sense but even more than that are fun to interact with because everyone has their own niche. How does this apply to “approvable bullshit”? That’s a large question—but use your imagination in the character creation process, talk to me and your peers, and see what works and what doesn’t. Hell, if you’re a player I know really well that might not even be necessary. Academy Students should have all academy techniques (or presumption knowledge of them) listed in their E Rank hider. Beyond that they should have a total of 3 D Rank abilities, and 2 C Rank abilities(3 for prodigies). If you have a good argument for one more then make it in PM or notation; else wise this is fairly concrete. Presuming I accept chunin (and jonin) the scale would increase. Non-canon (aka Custom Jutsu) should be written in with rough description of a fundamental definition, weakness, and general mechanic.[/quote][/hider] [b]2.[/b] If you have read point 1. Please proceed to this checkpoint and I will reiterate it again. I simply do not accept reincarnations because it ruins the development of a character and to an extent those in their social circle. Reincarnations are the most absurd trope I have encountered in media because all the hardships that a character would go through won't mean anything at all. Same goes for the vessel bullshit, it doesn't work in my universe because it also equates to reincarnation. Please let it sink in your mind for a second that Kakumei is a Naruto RP that patches up the wrong and go with the logical route. [hr] [u][b]Backstory[/b][/u] Of all the crazy baloney here aside. Don't argue with me about a baby that can kill a Kage, I find it absurd and they won't be able to and I repeat don't argue with me about it because once everyone's sheets are accepted. My GM Team and I will answer everyone's favorite questions; power levels and history. The Kurama Clan in my rule of grounded; they possess a Genjutsu that affects the five senses. Period. Don't argue. Moving forward, this will be your starting point and I have given you this consideration to think on how a Kurama's genjutsu abilities should be. I suggest that you be creative and create your own custom techniques. I trust you because not everyone have the balls to take on a challenging concept like illusions. If you are able to fix this problem, the rest would follow. To tell you the truth, abilities more than often explains the character. However, I do not want the abilities to define the character. It is the character that should be defined. Keep in mind that we are in a time of peace. There's little to no conflict, why? That is because Uchiha Satoru, the former Police Captain of the Military Police Force is the Hokage, he is the 12th Hokage. Satoru is the equivalent of President Rodrigo Duterte of the Philippines, he gets shit done and he wars on crime and makes sure that there is little to no crime. That is why Konoha in-universe is ranked as the most safest place to live because of Satoru's achievements. Furthermore. Satoru is the strongest man in the entire village. He shouldn't be worried about a little at all. I believe and suggest that Mu has lesser control of the second personality which could be a bonus plot point to her backstory and how everyone in her social circle treated her. No reincarnation BS. I don't have control in your backstory but please get rid of the reincarnation. I can suggest to put on a twist: Mu can be made to believe that she is the reincarnation etc. [u][b]Personality[/b][/u] It comes hand in hand with the backstory too. This is my take, please elaborate her personality more. I need you to make her more human but nevertheless I trust you in your ability to write a complex character. Honestly I never thought that the Kurama Clan replaced the Uchiha' batshit craziness in this universe, the fact that the Uchiha here are less emotional and not crazy. So good one. In a nutshell. We need you to make a character, it doesn't have to be a complex one and I believe you can pull it off. I am motivating you to do better alright! [u][b]Conceptualization [/b][/u] In a nutshell. Mu is the typical Ojou-sama who hides her emotions and all. I see where this is going. Please proceed neatly. You got concept right. As for the second personality, it's okay. It's just that we don't accept reincarnations. If you want a good example, go watch Elfen Lied or ask RaijinSlayer because he is the expert of batshit crazy OCs. [u][b]Triple T's[/b][/u] I am fine with it. I need you to create custom Genjutsu techniques. I am gonna have to reject part of current techniques altogether because only Uchiha can use it. [u][b]My verdict[/b][/u] Polish your sheet and focus more on the [color=39b54a][u][b]character[/b][/u][/color] which follows up the backstory and techniques. I am here to motivate you and not demotivate you. The fact that you're eyeing for a prodigy alerts me and pushes me to have high expectations. So do your best from here on out. The only thing I need you to do is re-do your sheet and come up with a better backstory, concrete personality and better techniques.