Bizarre how every image that someone used, I have some form of problem with. Y'all need to up ya quality game [img]https://i.imgur.com/Tcr4zrh.gif[/img]

[@Lotrix Molick] [hider=Sort of summary]It appears that we're going to use written descriptions for this now. Sorry for not telling you earlier and kinda leading you on there. (also not gonna lie, that image is really low quality)

The backstory is a bit off, so to speak:[hr]Magpie is the most veteran contractor for Cider, but she's not very old. Cider herself has also been working as a liason for only about 9 years. Didn't make this too clear, mb.
The backstory has a lot of elements that should have just been removed, IE, one-off mentions that don't really make any sense.

The backstory is used to tell why your character is the way that they are and how they have the talents they have. Generally, for weaker and less important things, I give a bit of leeway in the form of implied training that they get on the field. However, for things such as traditional martial arts; there is no reason as to why someone picks up martial philosophy on the field.

The story doesn't really explain [i]what [/i]her powers are. For something as important and story-bending as effective immortality is, I can't really let it slide as "nobody knows." Instead of having a valid reasoning as to how they got out of fate, it's instead an incoherent mess of ideas all clashing. A one-off demon, a cult, a woman that glows for no real reason, a girl who has powers that's thrown into "she just has them and it's convenient to the backstory", pocket dimensions (for some reason). I'd suggest you really cut away a lot of elements, or you write them out to the point where they don't feel like disjointed ideas.[hr]
We already have a tinkerer in the form of Buzzkill's character.

Besides that, proofreading is really important. As the old saying goes, a lot of sentences don't done do words good.

In summary, the CS would basically need a lot of proofing, tinkerer concept removed, main appearance image turned to text, and the story would need to be completely revamped as to remove the disjointed feelings I get from reading it.[/hider]