Although it was unbearably average and startlingly mediocre, Ryan's life didn't have many constants. His mom had run out early on and continuing contact was irregular, his dad was unpredictable and seemed to be a different person every couple of months, any extracurricular he tried to take on to distract from home seemed to fall out of his routine - so on. There was someone, however, he could always count on: Brendon. When Ryan's newly-bachelor dad moved to the cheaper house when he was three, there was this huge, weird family next door, or at least that's how he saw it at the time. His dad had said something about them being Mormons and Ryan had no idea how to take that, or what that meant, so for a while all he did was sort of observe from afar whenever the kids were running around outside, looking fairly normal but dressing in a sort of uniform way and acting oddly formal sometimes. Anyway. That was his first opinion.

And then the youngest one turned out to be sort of a dork, so. Ryan learned the basics about religion and LDS specifically, navigated it as carefully as possible around Brendon's parents, and he appeared to be accepted as Brendon's friend. They worked well; Ryan was sort of flat, weird and funny when he had the energy but otherwise controlled out of force of habit, and Brendon was all energy, all the light in Ryan's life except when he had to be well-behaved for whatever adult was around to criticize. There was definitely some kind of inner polarity within him that Ryan could see, because he was clearly bursting at the seams a lot of the time, bouncing his feet and tapping pencils and clicking pens in class but desperately trying to follow all the 'sit still/stay quiet/be polite' rules that he'd been indoctrinated into. That became less of the big conflict, though, when, as he grew into the double digits and beyond, he started questioning the faith he'd been born into - that was a lot more concerning.

That questioning culminated into him fully not believing in what he'd been raised to anymore, or at least, he had major doubts about it all. It came back to Ryan first, of course, his best friend, the least likely to judge him for it. What was off was the fact that it came through in the form of [i]hey, I've been thinking, and - just let me try something,[/i] close to that tune, and Brendon's love for his religion had apparently turned into an affection for Ryan instead, because they were kissing pretty soon following Brendon confessing he wasn't as close to the faith as his family wanted. Which, y'know, worked out, because although Ryan tried not to dedicate too much of his time to thinking about it all lest he drive himself crazy, he'd sort of had a thing for Brendon for a [i]while[/i]. He didn't come to terms with it until then, though, so evidently this was an explorative time for them both.

Considering the potentially homophobic, 'never shown signs of hatefulness but could totally feasibly just follow the usual religious preachings on the matter' guy he'd had a sort-of-crush on ended up liking him right back, Ryan was lucky. And then he kept testing that luck by continually coming around just as much, if not [i]more[/i] often than he had before - and considering he lived more at Brendon's place than his own, given his situation, that was saying a lot. No one really caught on because they were naturally touchy, appropriately close for people who'd been best friends for something like fourteen years now, but still Ryan knew they should probably be more careful. Like, when Brendon was grounded, [i]not[/i] clambering through his window from the tree between their houses. Or, when they were in church, Brendon [i]not[/i] muttering malicious or otherwise inappropriate shit under his breath to Ryan. Y'know. Normal stuff.

And yet he continued coming back. They had a movie night planned this time around, some random cycle through whatever they could find. It couldn't come any sooner; Ryan had been holed up in his room all day, listening to the indistinct stumbling sounds and clinks of glass against counter from the rest of the house, trying to time when he could eventually leave his space. Around eight there was a period of silence and when he glanced from his window to Brendon's, the house didn't look too busy - perfect. He'd been ready for hours, fully dressed in some band tee and jeans and a hoodie, and he darted down the stairs and out the door without sparing a glance over his shoulder. At Brendon's door he wisely zipped his jacket up all the way, covering the logo 'cause [i]parents,[/i] and finally knocked. Brendon answered, predictably, within seconds, and was reaching for him. [i]Hey, baby![/i] Ryan practically flinched away from him, artfully dodging his attempts at an embrace and casually playing it off as if he was stepping through the doorway. [b]"What? Hi, hey, what's up,"[/b] he rattled off rapidly, looking around in alarm.

See, Brendon tended to do this. Got way too close when another kid or, worse, a parent could be running around nearby, or at least close enough to hear him call Ryan [i]baby.[/i] [b]"Careful,"[/b] he hissed to Brendon after his quick look around, finally toning it down enough to relax a little and brush their hands together, sending him a reserved smile. Still looking around somewhat nervously, Ryan backed away to the stairwell, nodding at the door for Brendon to close it and simultaneously ushering him over so they could escape to his room. [b]"It's been, like, fourteen hours apart. That's gotta be a new record for us."[/b]