After their first kiss, that had consisted of Brendon spontaneously leaning forward after vaguely asking for permission, it was terrifyingly awkward. The immediate aftermath was, after a few moments, draw back on both sounds, Brendon making quick excuses, even apologising to his friend because god, what was he doing. Brendon wasn’t usually one to get flustered, but the bewildered/frightened expression on Ryan’s face wasn’t exactly reassuring, and he moved back to the edge of the bed, half ready to stand up and completely change the subject. After a few silent seconds, Ryan had just smiled weakly, and they both mutually agreed it was time for Ryan to go home, they’d speak tomorrow. They didn’t- there was a short span of silence from Ryan that Brendon didn’t try and break, but he sat at his window sometimes, elbows resting on the windowsill, watching Ryan’s window morosely, wondering whether he was ever going to open his blinds again. Brendon was used to just looking over and Ryan was, more often than not, looking back, or he appeared in a matter of moments. He was terrified that he’d ruined his relationship with his best friend.

Ryan seemed to come around, though, and asked Brendon if he could come over a few days after- obviously, Brendon eagerly agreed, and minutes later they were both sat on Brendon’s bed again, awkwardly talking about it. They came to the earnest and slightly petrifying conclusion that they both liked eachother, they’d enjoyed that brief kiss, they wanted more where that came from. So they did it again, a little more sure this time. They were still skittish- Brendon’s family was in a time, but for a few moments, Brendon felt a new swell in his chest, a new relationship, the joy of a teenage crush. From that, it wasn’t easy, but it became easier; they were more or less completely comfortable with eachother, despite Brendon’s semi-frequent sense of guilt and shame that he, at first, didn’t mention. There was also the problem with their parents- Brendon’s parents opinions on it were obvious, they weren’t reserved about sharing their bigoted views with their children, and as for Ryan’s Dad, Brendon really didn’t have any idea. Ryan didn’t talk about him enough for Brendon to have a good enough picture, but from the way that Ryan was even more strict about having Brendon over, he could make a good guess that it wasn’t exactly positive. So they snuck around, made it work, even if Brendon was more inclined to risk it these days and make casual euphemisms and pointed comments just to watch his boyfriend squirm.

Ryan squirmed a lot- he refused to hold Brendon’s hand in public even where nobody could possibly know who they were; he was always looking over his shoulder; he elbowed Brendon in the ribs when he made any kind of comment with particular subtext; even now, when Brendon assured him that they were home alone, he was glancing around, paranoid. Brendon knew how he felt, but he cared less and less these days- so when he reached for Ryan’s hand at any time they weren’t alone and Ryan sort of swerved him completely, he did feel a little hurt. But he couldn’t say much- so he just grit his teeth and moved on, wondering when the hell- or if the hell- Ryan would ever be comfortable with such displays of affection, even after they were independent adults. He tried not to think about it too much. [i]Drama Queen.[/i] [b]”Says [i]you[/i],”[/b] Brendon accused quickly. Vengeful, he behaved melodramatically when Ryan went to lightly brush his hand, and snickered at the expression of terror that crossed Ryan’s face. He watched his boyfriend tense up and then relax, and felt a rush of affection, because he was a dumbass. Driven by this, he followed Ryan to the stairs and leaned up to press a quick kiss on his cheek that was obviously received well, from the look on Ryan’s face and the red flush rising against his cheekbones. 

[i]Quit.[/i] Brendon grinned, and then sidestepped past him to race up the stairs. Once in his room, he dropped on the bed and manoeuvred so he could watch Ryan shut the door. He lifted his eyebrows suggestively, teasing. [b]”Wow, want some privacy?”[/b] His eyes followed Ryan as he paced across the room for a little while, and then they lit up along with his smile when he dropped down by the bed next to him. He closed his eyes when Ryan reached out and started carding his fingers gently through his hair. [i]Why? So you can make more nasty comments under your breath during a whole sermon? Honestly, I’ll just go and sit with another family.[/i] Brendon clicked his tongue, turning onto his back and considering the ceiling. [b]”Okay, but then who [i]else[/i] would give you a boner during a sermon?”[/b] He laughed, joking, towards the end of that, not bothering to look for a reaction from Ryan because honestly, he could already picture his face in his mind. [i]One day you’re gonna get caught making, like, a dick joke ‘cause you have no volume control, and we’re both gonna get kicked out.[/i]

 Brendon couldn’t argue with that. He just turned back onto his side and shrugged. [b]”Worth it, though, huh? Say yes.”[/b] [i]And you know what, babe, I’m so ready to take that step with you. I’ll come this Sunday.[/i] Brendon smiled triumphantly and moved so there was a little more space for Ryan on his bed. Brendon watched with raised eyebrows as Ryan searched for the remote, and then blinked when it was pointed commandingly at him. [i]What’s on our watch list?[/i] A pause, and Brendon took the remote, turning on the TV and sitting up, leaning his back against Ryan’s chest as he waited for Netflix to load. Giving up a few moments later, he handed the remote to Ryan and shrugged his shoulders. [b]”I’m not sure.[/b] Decidedly, he settled back further against Ryan’s chest, started absently playing with the strings of his hoodie, clearly disinterested in what they were going to watch- or rather, let play in the background. He wished he could steal one of his hoodies, but that would be way too obvious. [b]”Put on whatever you want.”[/b] Turning around, his eyes searched Ryan’s face and he leaned in to kiss him, but barely, lips just brushing against his. [b]”You’re cute. I missed you.”[/b]