Wow. What a contest. [hider=Flesh and Steel] I definitely enjoyed this entry. It was well-paced, especially in the beginning. I particularly appreciated the innocent depiction of the metal arm, the workings of which were palpably foreign to the protagonist. In addition, the sheer volume of embellishing details poured into the world of the story was exemplary. You built a hell of a world in a relatively short span of text. I do also have some critique to offer. One of the inevitable shortcomings of rapid world-building is an abundance of jargon. You actually did a fantastic job incorporating it in a way that was truly immersive, but at the expense of full understanding. Concepts like the Dol’Vrah, the blood-drinking, and the world’s arcane influences were lost on me. Of course, perhaps I’m the exception. It’s entirely possible that others walked away with a more complete picture. Besides a few minor typos, my only other reservation is over the ending, or at least the ending of the metal men. The ritual of the spheres wasn’t discussed in much detail, so that it felt more like a deus ex machina than a clever plan. This might have been solved with the world-building but, in your defense, it is nigh impossible to construct a full setting in so short a story. Don’t take my criticisms as evidence that I didn’t enjoy the piece. On the contrary, I was thoroughly impressed by the originality and the manner in which you worked the prompt into a fantastical world of your own. This one is a contender. [/hider] [hider=Evolution MKII] This was a really interesting one. It subverted my expectations a few times, and there were moments of genuine profundity. I think, either fleshed out or pared down, there are stronger versions of this story in your reach. Either direction would work. I found the characterization of Amy and Hank deeply satisfying. Amy was inquisitive or obedient at the right times, filling her role in the story well. Hank was charismatic, his cheerful and perky nature reminiscent of such android characters as Borderlands’ Claptrap and Star Wars’ C-3PO. His tactlessness as an android actually suited his character, though it’s hard to say whether similar instances with Amy work for her homunculus mind. A few times, the level of writing seemed to drop a little. Hank’s initial announcement of the android takeover, coupled with Amy’s bare sigh in response, made the gravity of such an event feel diminished. The same happened at the end, when the one homunculus’ first cry was “I’m a factory worker, and--”. I feel like someone in his situation wouldn’t shout his occupation out loud in introduction, but on the other hand I can’t really predict how homunculi differ from humans. But in contrast, there were several moments of really powerful dialogue. I personally loved “Are you opposed to holding hands with an android?” and “If it was an android’s duty to replace humans, then you are what will replace us.” Lines like that rose above the others. I think the story would benefit from more showing and less telling, but otherwise you crafted a really interesting role reversal with a compelling pair of characters. Well done. [/hider] [hider=The Sun Rises and the World has Changed] What a sweeping story! I tend to see entries of this length and flinch, fearing they’ll draw out every moment past surfeit, but you paced this entry so that each paragraph was relevant to the plot. There was a satisfying cadence to the dialogue, and the various perspectives of the different characters kept the settings from getting stale. The descriptive details were plentiful in most parts of the story, but there were several instances in which I would like to have heard more, namely the initial battle outside of the city and the timeline of Dwarven occupation. There were also moments of clumsy syntax and exposition, which drew my attention away from the character-building and plot. The world-building was very thorough overall. I thought there were some small incongruencies in names (like the fantastical Mikhal and Lemitsa contrasted with the relatively mundane Pete and Steve), but there’s no reason this should be a hurdle to the entry. The effort that went in was palpable and impressive, and I know you wanted to write even more. I hope you do. [/hider] [hider=Mischief in the Machines] Okay, I absolutely loved this one. I will be immensely surprised, reading on, if this isn’t the most original entry in the contest. The prompt called for a tale about vicious machines, and with the futuristic direction you took it in, I was happily surprised to find that the protagonists came from the absolute opposite end of the genre spectrum. I’ve never seen fairies and omnipotent robot overlords clash on paper, outside of particularly ambitious and eccentric D&D campaigns. What’s more, you took the time to flesh the concept out to its full potential by adding other mythical populations, delineating the fairies’ powers and weaknesses, and exploring the interactions between the supernatural world and the digital. You did so with charismatic characters, an optimistic tone, and fairly consistent plot movement from beginning to end. Well done! There were a few typos here and there and at some times the level of intelligence in dialogue seemed to oscillate, but those are forgivable sins in the context of your creativity. I’m truly impressed. [/hider] [hider=Sunday] W h o a What a RIDE. First of all, I’m a sucker for a concise entry, so the brevity of this one was really appreciated. That was visible even before reading, as was your work on the formatting (it took me several views to notice that the title was a gradient, which was a cool effect). It’s the little things, you know? I really enjoyed the montage feel of this entry. You didn’t include any painful onomatopoeias, and yet the sensation of flipping through channels across time was palpable. Each segment illuminated a new chapter in a complex history, with clever details that others might have overlooked. The dialogue was simultaneously dramatic and organic, a balance rarely achieved in this format. I have no criticism to offer. This was a complete, polished entry. Bravo. [/hider] [hider=The Program] This one was ambitious in scope and design. I really liked the synthesis of journalistic entries in the world of the story with first-person accounts. That in mind, I was especially impressed with the character of Stephen Adams, who served not only as an author of one of the articles but subsequently as one of the candidates. That was a nice touch. You built a really compelling world here. When envisioning doomsday scenarios, it’s rare to find one that seems not just interesting but practical. The idea of cordoning off the brightest (and perhaps most ideologically dangerous) individuals in a country, under the guise of a meritorious program, to keep them from interfering in the sinister designs of a government is fairly believable. I think the story could have benefitted from less vague dystopian jargon (The Nation, The Program, etc) but such words also fit into a wider tradition in the genre. There were a few typos, and a few places where syntactical intent was somewhat unclear (should “quote unquote” just be written as quotation marks?), but otherwise it was a really solid entry. I would like to have heard more about what happens AFTER the little revolution is suppressed (did the government have/actualize their designs on ASI?), but the way you chose to end the story is just as important. I liked it a lot. [/hider] [hider=Act I: Into the Dumps] I DEFINITELY would have wanted to see where this one was going. It seems like you had a lot in mind, with quite a complex and vivid premise, and I’m sure there’s more to this story than meets the eye. I’ll admit, with some of the verbose language and impressionistic descriptions, you lost me a few times. But more often the strength and depth of the descriptions were impressive and illuminating. I hope I get to read a full entry next time! [/hider] [hr] [hider=My Vote] All of the entries were really impressive, and this is probably the most difficulty I’ve had yet in choosing a favorite. In the end, I’m happy to give my @vote to Sunday by @Exit, for its polished feel and all-encompassing narrative. I would be remiss not to also shout out Mischief in the Machines by @PlatinumSkink, for taking the prompt to the very extremes of originality. Definitely a close second. [/hider]