Ryan's mission was sort of fruitless. Part of him really, really wanted to see Brendon warm up, too, see him slow down and approach Ryan more softly and- be normal, whatever. For whatever reason he was intrigued by that possibility, the totally alternate universe it would be if they were anything but biting remarks and hateful energy. But his venture in testing the waters was one-sided; every look Brendon gave him was suspicious, and he even seemed inclined to pull completely away. Ryan was close to getting frustrated, saying fuck it and just launching back into aggression again, but it was just his natural instinct to things not going smoothly with Brendon now. It wasn't what he [i]actually[/i] wanted to do otherwise he'd have already done it, would have never stopped the more empassioned approach he started in the first place. Despite all his efforts being met with nothing he kept on, hands slow on Brendon when all he got in response was nails on skin, biting kisses, worse words. He just made up for it with equally abrasive responses verbally.

[i]At least I’m not fucking boring.[/i] Typical 'I hate you, you hate me' banter that totaled up to nothing, so Ryan let that be, quirking an eyebrow dubiously. They didn't even last longer with the kisses, slowing down on his end as per usual, until Brendon was pulling away anyway, the fire he apparently needed so badly rendered irrelevant. He seemed to think he could knock Ryan off course, though, despite the fact that Ryan was so clearly veering away from his usual habits anyway, and sure Ryan was somewhat surprised by his question - more like the seductive way Brendon had presented it, but still - but he still responded earnestly, less driven by just the alcohol and more by a sickness of their routine. The back-and-forth that never ended, playing around instead of addressing anything directly, never feeling quite satisfied by any of the interactions anymore when in the beginning he'd felt a weight off his shoulders any time he took it out on the singer - all of it. He was sick of it. So he was honest.

Brendon looked speechless, but not really, and maybe a hint of annoyed. Nothing Ryan wasn't used to. [i]But you didn’t. You can say whatever shit you want, but if you don’t do it, you might as well be spinning bullshit.[/i] He nearly argued that it was a surprise party, he would have if he'd known, but. He'd be kidding himself. He only wanted Brendon to be there when he'd gotten a few drinks in him, and even then, inviting Brendon had never crossed his mind as a possible thing to do. It just... was such a foreign concept, having him around for events where he didn't absolutely need to be there, and besides they had this image or whatever to uphold. For cameras it was to look like they at least existed peacefully alongside one another, but in places like that party, if they looked friendly, it would look weird as all hell. People didn't know him that well, sure, but you didn't have to know Brendon or Ryan well at all to know what their relationship actually was. He ended up not answering him, just continuing on his truth tangent.

Apparently it caught Brendon off guard, but in a way that made him apparently feel like he'd succeeded, amused him. Ryan watched him shift around again, rising up onto his palms rather than his elbows, but remained in place, his expression careful. Fuck it. Brendon could think this was funny all he wanted, could tease him, whatever - it'd piss him off, but he was sick of screwing around, was finally going to say shit he wanted to instead of skirt around it with mean comments and scowls cold enough to shut everyone up. He figured that was the real triumph: finally just being out with it. [i]I never thought you’d admit it.[/i] Ryan raised one shoulder in a lazy shrug, holding his gaze steadily. He didn't think so either, but here they were. [i]But yeah, that’s what I wanted to hear.[/i] Great. Maybe now he'd shut up. Which was weird to think when Ryan was the one invading his hotel room and the one who'd followed when he walked away, but he was nothing if not a hypocrite, so.

He knew what Brendon was most likely thinking, probably thought he had himself some good humiliation material, whatever, and it was true. Even better- it would probably work. As much as he just wanted everything clouding his head out of the way, it was also embarrassing, no doubt about it. But he could deal with that later, and at least now he could buy whatever alcohol he needed to cope. Fuck it. Brendon moved closer again, settling in Ryan's lap and pulling him in by his shirt. Ryan didn't protest, letting his head tilt back with Brendon's guidance easily, still maintaining his gaze until they were kissing and he let his eyes slip shut, almost peaceful until Brendon was murmuring into his ear. [i]What do you think about?[/i] It would be funny if Ryan wasn't suddenly taking all of this so goddamn seriously. He ran a hand up Brendon's chest, along the side of his neck, and came to hold his jaw carefully, realigning their eyeline while his head was still kept tilted back. [b]"Well,"[/b] he started, thoughtful, [b]"When I imagined us finally sleeping together it didn't involve a makeout session [i]quite[/i] this long and complicated."[/b] But they spent years circling each other. He almost made some snide comment about that fact - 'no surprise you're into foreplay, then' - but didn't feel quite compelled enough.

Maybe making the implication that this was actually leading somewhere was more embarrassing than he'd already been. Still, fuck it. [b]"But it crossed my mind a lot."[/b] He [i]lost sleep.[/i] It was ridiculous. [b]"I mean. Look at you."[/b] Ryan ran a thumb over the corner of Brendon's still-reddened mouth, gaze dropping from his eyes for the first time to become distracted. There was a start. In years he'd only ever sneered at the implication he might be checking Brendon out, but now that was sort of an admission to it. [b]"Also,"[/b] he continued, mouth curling in a slight smile, [b]"I sort of figured you'd be the bottom. Fair?"[/b] Another opportunity to say something like 'because you're annoying,' and he totally passed it up. But now what was initially sort of daunting, embarrassing, was almost funny to talk about, and he was sure if he was sober it'd be the same. It was just a little... unbelievable to be saying out loud.