It was easy to think of hollow, outwardly barbed comments to make when he was so used to having an arsenal of insults ready for Ryan at all times, but now, when he said them, his heart wasn’t in it. In the past, when they had explosive arguments, the only way they’d calm down was to separate and get as far away from eachother as possible- now, when they’d crashed and collided in such a way that Brendon had initially thought this would just escalate the tension and anger, all of that bursting emotion seemed to be seeping away. It wasn’t like they were suddenly friends, suddenly on good terms- but both of them lost the will to pretend they hadn’t wanted this from the beginning, slowing down their kisses until Brendon pulled back, now demanding answers and not entirely satisfied with the ones that Ryan offered him. He didn’t believe for a second that, if it were up to Ryan, he would have been invited to his stupid birthday party- and though, yeah, Ryan had come here of all places from across the country, but it took him being drunk and depressed about his sort-of ex girlfriend. That, as much as he loathed to admit, hit a weak spot- that he might kid himself that Ryan was obsessed with him, but it took a lot of obvious prompting to get Ryan to this point. And now they were boneless on opposite sides of the bed, legs drawn in, almost pushed apart by some invisible force.

The fact Ryan didn’t comment when Brendon accused him of spouting bullshit about inviting him and wanting him at the party confirmed his suspicions that Ryan was just saying what he thought Brendon wanted to hear, but he couldn’t bring himself to be mad, he wasn’t even surprised. It would be difficult to just turn up at a celebration entirely for his nemesis. Nobody would believe for a second that they solved years of bad blood and toxicity and conflict just in miraculous time for Ryan’s shitty birthday. Brendon imagined a scenario as he tilted his head to the ceiling to process everything where he had been invited, he had turned up, how would that go? He wouldn’t even know what to get him for his birthday that he wouldn’t scoff at. Jon wasn’t even there, so that sucked. Spencer was, but he couldn’t just bother Spencer all night. Luckily, Brendon was something of a social butterfly to a certain extent (definitely more of an extent than Ryan), so he figured that even if he didn’t know many people, he’d fit in and calm down pretty quickly. He’d be able to ignore the loud, obnoxiously obvious whispers and comments about him, wondering why he was there, who invited him, had he and Ryan even spoken for a moment. Thinking about it, he came full circle, and he was again glad he hadn’t been invited by Keltie.

Keltie. Keltie had cockblocked him. Indirectly, but still, it sucked to be regaining his breath at the end of a slightly uncomfortable hotel bed when Ryan was leaning back against the headboard at the other end. He considered their situation for a moment, wondered what the time was, and rubbed his hands over his eyes, catching his bottom lip between his teeth and looking back at the ceiling to purse his lips. He could just- he could just accept the victory and ask Ryan to leave, awarding Brendon the hypothetical higher ground and more ammunition to hold over his heads he [i]could[/i] do that. Didn’t mean he wanted to. Another course of action would be to just resume what they’d started, albeit with less outward hatred and fire, and honestly Brendon had picked that before he even thought about the first option. He looked back at Ryan and met his eyes for a moment before he shifted forwards with purpose, settling after getting easily comfortable in Ryan’s lap and clutching at the fabric of the front of his shirt, tilting Ryan’s head up smartly towards him. For a second, he hesitated, yet again torn between upping and leaving or not, and met his gaze.

It didn’t take another second after that for Brendon to lean down and kiss him. It wasn’t malicious, or aggressive, but it was charged, not exactly calm and comfortable but definitely having mellowed out considerably, when the alarming viciousness of their first kiss was taken into account. And that hadn’t been very long ago. Or had it? Brendon had lost track of time. He probably couldn’t go to sleep now if he wanted to. Brendon pulled back barely from the kiss and trailed over gradually to the side of his face, shivering noticeably when he felt Ryan’s hand exploring up from his chest and across to his jaw. Brendon felt crushingly apprehensive and still kind of hated Ryan for how much he affected him. [i]Well.[/i] Oh no. [i]When I imagined us finally sleeping together it didn’t involve a makeout session[/i] quite [i]this long and complicated.[/i] Brendon’s stomach dropped, because, [i]fuck,[/i] Ryan had actually imagined it? Ryan had spent time of his life thinking about that? Brendon had, of course, but to know they were both in the same boat- he exhaled, a shaky breath, and allowed himself a smirk. [b]”I like foreplay,”[/b] He offered, unaware he was basically a mindreader. [b]”And I’d like to know what you [i]did[/i] imagine.”[/b]

[i]But it crossed my mind a lot.[/i] This was getting better with every word that came out of Ryan’s mouth, or worse, depending on how Brendon looked at it. He decided on ‘better’. [i]I mean. Look at you.[/i] Brendon said nothing and just met his eyes, closing them briefly when Ryan traced his thumb over the corner of his mouth. It was sore. He opened his eyes again. [b]”It takes a whole fuckload of alcohol and me making out with you for a good while for you to admit that you’re even attracted to me,”[/b] He breathed out in a cynical laugh, but he wasn’t really bothered. As long as he knew now. [b]”But, I’m flattered, an’ you’re hot.”[/b] He would have leaned in to kiss him, then, but apparently Ryan wasn’t going to shut up. What was knew? [i]Also.[/i] Great, what now? He knew everything he needed to know. [i]I sort of figured you’d be the bottom.[/i] Brendon immediately shoved his head into Ryan’s shoulder, actually [i]embarassed,[/i] because was he that obvious? He sucked in a breath, half-amused, and lifted his head back up decidedly. [b]”How’d you figure that out?”[/b]