Though now something of a repetitive subject to dwell on, Ryan was still circling, wondering exactly what subconscious compulsion drove him here. What did he really want from Brendon? Just a night to fulfill all the desires he'd ever secretly harbored for him? Wouldn't that just lead to more similar nights, some kind of mutually beneficial deal between them? It's not like Brendon seemed to be very against where all of this was going. But even then it didn't sound like enough, didn't sound like exactly the right answer for his problem. Ryan had never been, like. Romantically, even platonically attracted to him, just. The extent of it was catching him in the middle of telling a joke to Spencer with this excited smile on his face or laughing over some ridiculous article with Jon bent beside him and sort of wondering what it'd be like if they had the kind of dynamic where it'd be okay to do that. As a matter of fact, Ryan had never been the one to make Brendon actually smile or laugh or be at all enthused about anything related to him - that is, not unless it was in a cruel way. The closest he'd come to being faced by Brendon looking genuinely happy was if, maybe, he accidentally turned his way on stage, or if he'd caught him off-guard right after talking to someone else.

It was probably purely coincidental. After all, anything anyone ever said about Brendon could be dumbed down to something about him being the most pleasant and personable individual they'd ever met, something about his charisma or his charm or his humor, and it was all a side that Ryan had never seen. He supposed maybe he wasn't wistful about Brendon himself, didn't desire that kind of closeness with him necessarily, just was curious about this unknown part of him. Granted, it could be argued that the Brendon Ryan knew was the 'unknown part,' considering basically no one else knew of it or really got under his skin to bring out something close to it in the same way Ryan could, but still. The point was, he was missing out on something, and for whatever reason he longed to explore every facet of personality Brendon had to offer. As much as he spent his days hating him beyond belief, he knew Brendon was nuanced and full of spirit, knew he was voluntarily ignoring everything he had to show for for this long. Apparently drunkenness won out in the battle of pride and curiosity, picking the latter.

And now he was, rather comfortably, admitting to everything he'd ever managed to keep secret from Brendon, deep down under lock and key. It felt strangely like a relief - but also somewhat nerve-wracking. Brendon looked equally unnerved by his newfound sense of forwardness (under the brand name Captain Morgan, plus a few others, but same-same). Even so, Brendon had the most confidence, allowed himself a smirk. Ryan remained looking somewhat flat with a touch of smug, the best alternative to outright petrified. [i]I like foreplay.[/i] Ryan studied him more carefully, again thinking about how funny it was that they fit so well, despite it all. Maybe funny was the wrong word to use. [i]And I’d like to know what you [/i]did [i]imagine.[/i] Ryan's gaze dropped after he searched his eyes a moment, once again appreciating his timing to catch Brendon shirtless (though it's not like it took any specific timing to find him that way). How could he answer that without upgrading the mortification level by 1,000 percent? [b]"Scratches down my back, you on your knees - you know, the works,"[/b] he answered vaguely, kind of amused still, figuring as little as possible was better than nothing. 

[i]It takes a whole fuckload of alcohol and me making out with you for a good while for you to admit that you’re even attracted to me.[/i] Out loud, sure, but Ryan was fairly certain he'd been caught staring stupidly in the past enough times for it to not need to be said. Nevertheless if he was on a roll now he may as well go on about every attractive thing - seemed like Brendon tended to appreciate a bit of an ego boost. [i]But, I’m flattered, an’ you’re hot.[/i] Ryan laughed lightly, almost rejecting the compliment, but looking self-deprecating and insecure - y'know, the real stuff - was worse than anything he'd already done. He kept it to himself, but still looked doubtful. [b]"You're stupidly gorgeous,"[/b] he started, hating that he'd said it instantly because it was actually too far, but he'd already begun the thought. No going back. [b]"It's not like I have to admit something obvious."[/b] See, it was true, but there was probably an unspoken rule to not use words like 'gorgeous' in regard to one another. It was too gentle, he'd already been too gentle for a while, this had taken too much of a turn... but that didn't matter in his head for more than a few worrying seconds.

Ryan triumphed in somehow embarrassing [i]Brendon,[/i] the one not totally out on a limb here, the one who already had the higher win tally. He grinned when Brendon hid his face in his shoulder, catching the back of his head and drawing a few locks of hair between his fingers sportively. When he faced him again he was still smiling, probably the most lively he'd ever looked while staring directly at Brendon, but didn't care enough to notice. [i]How’d you figure that out?[/i] [b]"You're sort of a princess,"[/b] he laughed, but not in a mean way like he should've, more lighthearted and jovial than anything else. [b]"Why, would you have it any other way?"[/b] Then he remembered he'd been the only one to admit to thinking about them like this, and his smile faded to a degree, still there but ultimately weaker. [b]"If you've thought about it at all, that is. Your take is probably a lot more interesting."[/b]