Ryan knew his protective streak hurt Brendon, on occasion. When he pushed him away a bit, or distanced himself personally, to make sure that no one could catch him and ridicule him somehow (or worse), it was to protect Brendon. But, of course, while it was painful to step back from showing affection to someone he had so much affection [i]for,[/i] Ryan knew it must feel worse on Brendon's end - almost as if he was rejecting him. What would hurt Brendon more than any of that, though, would be the repercussions of someone finding out, his parents knowing, the entire church knowing - and there were plenty of possibilities there. He'd be alienated instantly, scrutinized and judged and being told there were better paths, he could 'find God again,' or - and Ryan's second worst fear - he'd be disowned like so many in the same situation had been before him. His absolute worst was that maybe Brendon would be so desperate to escape all of the hatred and bigotry that he did break things off with Ryan, at least until both of them could leave and go somewhere far, far away from here.

So he continued doing whatever he could to hide it, enough for the both of them, because he wanted Brendon to stay safe and stable more than anything. 'Stable' may not be the exact right word to use here considering he lived most of every day with a family he didn't quite fit in with, in a home that probably felt suffocating and trapping, otherwise at a church that preached against him and continually enforced rules he could not keep up with, otherwise at school where he received a mixture of judgments from particularly bold students - so on. The situation was just... dire, at this point. Ryan tried his best to make up for the deeply upsetting circumstances Brendon was stuck in by being at his side as often as possible, caring for him as openly as he could, holding his hand all the way through (well, metaphorically, when eyes were on them). Whenever his mind drifted to it, he reminded the both of them that someday they'd be on their own, doing whatever the hell they wanted, in love and safe from everything that threatened them before.

[i]Well, you read my fuckin’ mind.[/i] Ryan raised his eyebrows, tempted to be annoying and say something like '[i]language,[/i]' and decided against it. Brendon clearly didn't care as much about not being annoying. [i]Gross? Really? And, is that a challenge?[/i] Ryan squinted at him incomprehensively, wondering whether that was really a question or if he was being fucked with, and decided that just in case he would answer seriously. [b]"No,"[/b] he said in a firm tone, then cracked up a little, shaking his head at Brendon's ridiculousness. [i]I wouldn’t say I have a [/i]power[i] over you. When I can turn you on in [/i]Church[i], that’s when I’ll be sure.[/i] Ryan shushed him while he laughed to himself, clearly carefree. [b]"All right, [i]stop[/i] before I start having nightmares about it, thanks."[/b] But he was laughing, too, Brendon's amusement infectious as usual.

Even despite him being especially obnoxious today, Ryan held him close, shutting his eyes briefly and basking in the familiar scent, touch, everything. [i]Actually, I had you in mind.[/i] Oh. Ryan wondered how he moved so seamlessly between being a little shit and being charming as all hell like this. He smiled against his hair, couldn't help it, embracing him slightly more tightly at the sudden swell in his chest. [b]"Cute,"[/b] he murmured, appreciative of the far cry from 'I'll give you a boner in church' version of his boyfriend from moments ago. He felt Brendon's eyes on him while his own were trained to the screen and couldn't help the tiny curl of his lips, trying desperately not to react so obviously. He couldn't have picked something sooner. Remote abandoned, he finally met Brendon's gaze, thinking that for just about the grossest person Ryan knew, he was also shockingly the sweetest. 

So much so, in fact, that it threw Ryan off his game every time. He was leaning in and up a little, so obviously waiting for a kiss that Ryan was reserving for after he complained about their brief distance. [i]Kiss me like you missed me?[/i] Fonder than ever, Ryan did, relaxing against him once Brendon's arms were strewn over his shoulders. While he spoke, the smile that rose to his face when Brendon's kisses trailed off to the side translated into his voice, soft and appreciative and almost-laughing. [i]That sounds like a great idea. We can ‘watch movies’ every night.[/i] Ryan tried [i]so[/i] hard not to think about or comment on the fact that maybe soon they'd be moving together and doing that anyway, and it'd be a place of their own, it'd look how they want and everything. He only succeeded on the latter, nodding distractedly in agreement.

When Brendon's hands moved so did his own, running absently down his back like a half-assed attempt at being a masseur. [i]How aren’t you, like, dying?[/i] Ryan had no idea what he was talking about for a good three seconds, too focused on the kisses, his eyes slipping shut and mind turning off, at peace. [i]It's warm as hell in here.[/i] Ryan didn't feel it. The less sleep you got, the lower your body temperature dropped, and Ryan was definitely a vampire of sorts. He leaned back obligingly, breaking a kiss with no warning, and unzipped his jacket, shrugging it off easily. This was probably an elaborate plan for Brendon to steal it, but whatever. Let him have it. [b]"Good point,"[/b] he said, leaning in again and wrapping himself even closer around Brendon. [b]"You're warm, anyway."[/b] His mind drifted again, and he couldn't stop himself; it probably didn't matter. [b]"Hey, think about it - instead of me moving in here, one day we'll have a place of our own. Watching movies every night, me stealing your warmth every day. How about that?"[/b] He was speaking between kisses as they tended to, punctuating with a longer, more intimate one, before pulling back slightly to level with Brendon's gaze.