[@Sadko] Not bad. It wouldn't hurt to maybe edit the structure a little bit, make sure certain sentences aren't hanging out of place and so it's a little easier on the eyes. Space out the dialogue and make sure it's all correctly tagged with quotation marks.

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I finally finished my own post. [i]*They're not all winners.*[/i] But I tried to make it compelling in spite of its girth, and the fact the dream sequence half really only pertains to character building and less dull transition from one location to the other.

R.I.P Knocked out guy getting interrogated by a group and likely abandoned by the others at this point.

[i]I also realize no matter how much time I spend editing, I always have something I notice slipping through the cracks after I posted the thing. That's what I get for doing most of my writing in the dead of night...[/i]