Despite the fact that things were looking up, and he really shouldn't be thinking about negative things now, Ryan's mind occasionally drifted to apologies and excuses and memories of times he regretted his behavior even before his feelings towards Brendon had changed (maybe temporarily). He couldn't do any of that now, it'd just ruin the weird, mediating haze that appeared to have overtaken them, but could he ever, anyway? It's not like saying 'sorry I make your life miserable on a daily basis' would fix anything. Sorry I made your dream job into a nightmare half of the time. Sorry I never let you in, or accepted you, and in fact kept you out and excluded as much as possible; maybe Ryan wasn't a different person like he thought he was, maybe in a few hours they'd be exactly the same, but he wasn't going to forget this. He didn't want to. In a shared moment of weakness he'd seen a side of Brendon that made him wish, [i]wish[/i] he'd just gotten over his damaged ego in the first place and realize that Brendon was a blessing to their cause.

He was a kid when it happened, really, so he wasn't graced with any sense of reason by the time he'd met Brendon. Nevertheless, that wasn't an excuse - he had plenty of time to turn around and undo the damage before it'd gotten this bad, he just. Didn't. It was easier that way, or so he thought. In this situation, though, Ryan was finding that the side of Brendon that'd always been unavailable to him was so charming and uplifting that this could have been so easy if only he'd given it that fighting chance. This visit alone, though unfamiliar and maybe a little unnatural feeling, was entirely comfortable, bodies fitting together as simply as their alcohol-tampered personalities had, two opposing forces finally finding an attraction rather than repelling. More than anything, if this did come to an end, he knew he would miss Brendon even when they were a few feet from one another. Now that he knew what was there that he'd rejected... yeah, no way he was willingly going back.

[i]Of course I [/i]enjoyed [i]it.[/i] Ryan grinned, triumphant, and bit his lip for a moment in an effort to get rid of his dumb way-too-pleased reactions. [i]But I could give you some pointers.[/i] Ryan's sated smile switched fast to an expression of offense, screwing up his nose and throwing his hands out a bit at his sides. [b]"Pointers? Really?"[/b] He hovered on an argument mentioning something about how he heard absolutely no complaints last night, but Brendon continued, and Ryan crossed his arms expectantly, half-smiling again already from amusement. [i]Maybe next time [/i]I [i]can show [/i]you... Okay, that was interesting. Ryan's fingers tapped on his bicep, shifting his weight to one side consideringly. [b]"In that case..."[/b] He trailed off, raising his eyebrows innocuously, evidently close to cracking up. Ryan landed on agreeing, repeating after Brendon good-naturedly. [b]"Next time."[/b] Hopefully said next time was soon. He was already having, like, withdrawals. Really.

He couldn't resist the kiss, didn't regret it when he felt Brendon's blunt nails faint against his hips, saw the glimmer in his eyes after he'd probably been too honest. Still- no regrets. Ryan was probably digging his own grave here, but. [i]Anyway.[/i] Ryan looked at him sort of funny, sideways, because being antsy wasn't usually his thing, but he wore it so adorably. Ryan smiled at him in amusement before clambering away, stretching out all languid across the mess of sheets they'd made. Brendon was staring, intent, then looked actually surprised at his admission about Keltie. As if that was the wildest turn their relationship could have taken. Honestly, if she hadn't been cheating, that would've been more surprising. When he looked at Brendon he couldn't catch his gaze, instead caught with his profile once he deliberately glanced away. Ryan didn't think much of it, figured it was no big deal, and if it was then Ryan had definitely played the same or similar card. They had to ease into this, anyway. [i]She’s crazy.[/i] Ryan smiled lazily, thinking that Brendon sounded like such a typical guy blaming any relationship problems on the girl being 'crazy,' but it was sort of accurate. In fairness, though - [b]"So am I,"[/b] Ryan mumbled, almost defending her by force of habit. [b]"But you probably knew that."[/b]

Ryan's question hung in the air for a few moments and he had second thoughts, maybe they weren't really on the same page, maybe Ryan was unreasonably wistful, maybe he should take it back somehow, but then Brendon was moving. Ryan smiled against the back of his hand for a second, watching him come close, then let the hand fall back over his waist, hanging limply. When Brendon hovered near he sort of angled his chin towards him, like he was some magnetic force, absently running his knuckles in a line down Brendon's chest to his navel while Brendon smoothed along his side in turn. [i]I...[/i] The distance in his voice was tangible. Ryan wondered what he was thinking, wished he could read his mind this way as easily as he could when they were angry and searching for weak points. He pursed his lips, awed, when Brendon lifted his hand, followed the lines of the map his veins drew, felt oddly appreciated. And this was so, so sickeningly close to holding hands. Ryan shut his eyes for a moment, willing away the dumb thoughts again. [i]I wish.[/i]

Did he? Ryan was [i]still[/i] torn on thinking maybe this was a joke, he was kidding himself; and even if it wasn't, Brendon probably wasn't as invested as he was turning out to be, just uncharacteristically sparing him the embarrassment by occasionally seeming to be on the same page. Whatever the case may be, he'd still said it in this voice that could only come across as if it held some note of truth, and Ryan's chest swelled again almost painfully. He fumbled with his fingers briefly before they settled, interlaced, between Brendon's, squeezing his hand gently and pulling their joined hands to his lips so he could kiss the back of Brendon's, light and quick. [b]"Brendon,"[/b] he said after a moment, slightly unnerved by how Brendon's name sounded coming from him now. Different. He sought out Brendon's gaze and held it carefully. [b]"Thank you."[/b] He paused, and there was a lot to thank him for, but no words to communicate what. He had to look away, at the ceiling. [b]"You could've told me to fuck off at any point, you know. Endless patience."[/b] He'd asked a whole lot of 'why are you here' and such, but never done that outright, so. And it sounded like a joke - but it wasn't, really, and thanking him for one thing was just a stand-in for everything else he'd like to acknowledge.