"Can I lay down? I've got arthritis." Barnaby Mop pointed to his swollen knees, staring at his captors like a sick puppy. 

He felt the Captain's one good eye lasering at him but he didn't care. The fat dwarf never cares. 

"I'm just going to do it. I'm sorry. I can't [i]deal[/i] with all this kneeling for long periods of time. Honestly Captain, I don't know how that elven lady does it with you. I'm going to lay down. You can stab me for all I care, my little bastards can cash in on my life insurance, but I just can't anymore." His belly drooped out from his half-torn jerkin as he laid next to the mast on his backside. The pirate bard's lazy eyes drew inspiration from the stars that looked like a peculiar fruit and began to sing the song of his people.

[center][i]Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
[/i]
[b]BAR-NA BY-MOP!
[/b]
[i]Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!
[/i][/center]

His voice cracked at the last verse. Barnaby broke into tears but still kept humming the tune like a sad, giant baby. Finally, the mermaid mushrooms were kicking in.