Brendon supposed that he missed the band, and by that he meant the original lineup- after all, he and Spencer had kept the name and carried the torch onto something new, they’d just had a few swaps of other members, that’s all. Though- he couldn’t look at it like that. Brendon hadn’t even been there as part of the original lineup- Panic first belonged to Ryan, Spencer, and Brent, of all people, then Jon replaces Brent, and Brendon was only taken on board a reasonably significant period of time later- but then, they all regarded the four of them to be the most significant members, because. They were there during the height of Panic’s fame- at least, before the split. Anyway, he missed a lot, even the arguments they’d have over lyrics and musical arrangements and ‘should Ryan sing this part or should Brendon’, but what he didn’t miss was the disaster of a relationship (or lack thereof, rather darkly, towards the end) he had with the original guitarist and lead singer, Ryan, who had practically bullied him since he joined the band. It was a mutual bullying, to be fair, a toxic dynamic that, at first, Jon and Spencer desperately tried to stamp out, or at least quell, or minimise the damage that it could do to the band so a whole. Though, considering Ryan and Brendon were the two primary creative forces behind everything, he supposed they were doomed from the start, with the integral workings flawed as soon as Ryan decided he had a vendetta against who replaced him.

That was until Seattle, though, a major marker in both Brendon’s personal life and his career, and ultimately the fate of the band. After they’d drunkenly (but not without some feeling, as buried as it was) hooked up in Brendon’s hotel room on the night of Ryan’s 21st birthday party, their relationship became softer, something was just below the surface, deeper even then the almost carnal desire they harboured for eachother; but there was a limit. They weren’t friends, it never went that far, but they began a brief affair after Ryan broke it off with Keltie. Things just... Didn’t work out. They had damaged the prospect of an actual relationship beyond repair and no amount of physical intimacy could hide that, brush over it, sweep it under the rug. In fact, they fought almost as much as before, they just had a very different outlet, so it never got close to actual fistfights ever again. Anyway, though the ‘original four’ of them had issues right at their core that made the whole structure of the band unstable right from day one, the nostalgia still hit him had. He felt wistful when he thought back to their original recording sessions, all the fucking weed, even Brendon and Ryan had their geniune gentler moments, like when Ryan’s dad died, or things less serious but probably monumentally hard to cope with at the time, like when Ryan stumbled into his hotel room and was all kinds of torn up because he realised Keltie didn’t, like, love him. Even if he didn’t love her at that point. Brendon understood the feeling now.

But, after initially struggling to get over it (both the breaking off of his and Ryan’s kind-of relationship, one that was actually steadily improving, they actually had started to like eachother and seek out eachother’s presence, and the split of the band), Brendon came to realise that things changed, it just happened, and he was more than capable of taking that and running with it, and he and Spencer sure as hell did. The lack of contact between the two halves of the band wasn’t even intentional, Brendon had grown up and grown past holding grudges. He and Spencer were just so busy that they barely got time for themselves, nevermind for trying to reconnect with friends that would probably be just as busy as them or even more so, considering they had arguably more work to do to try and promote themselves and make an impression. Brendon had the safety net of the original name- it set them up for success no matter what they put out, whereas Ryan and Jon had to start almost entirely from scratch, even if they did retain a good percentage of fans. In that area, Brendon admired their work ethic- Ryan’s rivalled his own and Jon was also an ardent, passionate musician. He admired them from afar, but only in theory. Honestly, he never allowed himself to be interested enough to actively check out their stuff, ask how they were, organise something, even just have a conversation. 

Even on tour, Brendon hadn’t run directly into Ryan until right now; though it was less running into him and more Ryan actively seeking him out, which interested him in a way he couldn’t quite specify. In the back of his mind he realised contently that it was good to see him again. He looked good. Brendon was as casual as possible when addressing him, though, neutral conversation and ‘man’, though in his head he annoyingly still thought [i]baby[/i]. It was almost difficult to know how to behave, how to navigate this, but they were never really subtextual and subtle for very long. Ryan’s intentions would be aired soon enough. [i]Hey, 'too much' is what you do best. Stick with it.[/i] That earned him a slight laugh, but Brendon wondered exactly what he meant by that. [b]”I intend to,”[/b] He replied, taking off the loose bowtie draped around the back of his neck and over his shoulders and tossing it carelessly in a random direction, deciding that he could hunt for it again tomorrow, or something. [b]”Maybe I’ll even take it a bit further. I’m thinking: fully just- make out with Dallon onstage.”[/b] Chuckling to himself, he looked down reflectively at his feet for a moment before he lifted his head, eyes shining. [b]”Have you met Dallon? You know Ian, but- Dallon, my- our bassist.”[/b] Not just [i]his[/i] bassist, that would sound strange, Brendon corrected himself mid-sentence.

[i]Fine.[/i] Good. Good, Brendon thought, regarding him for as long a time as he would allow himself. [i]I think we are.[/i] Oh. Well, Brendon almost gulped, felt a little shiver, recalling what used to happen whenever they had an extended amount of time alone, but he shut himself down quickly, knowing the dangers of carrying down that mental highway. [i]Spencer and Jon are apparently reconnecting.[/i] Just as Ryan smiled, Brendon did, mirroring him in his fondness for the two. [b]”Remind me to reconnect with Jon. Everything’s so hectic, I hope we all get to hang out more.” [/b] When Ryan stepped forward to speak again, Brendon was busy dusting down his slacks, and was rather startled when he looked up and Ryan was closer than he remembered last. [i]I stayed for you. Why else?[/i] Well then. Brendon’s eyes widened for a split second and then his expression settled into yet another content smile, almost flattered if he hadn’t already kind of expected that. [b]”I dunno, I was just trying not to jump to conclusions,”[/b] He joked, flashing him a grin before returning to trying to somewhat clean his trousers, not daring to maintain eye contact because suddenly this was very real.

[i]I didn't realize how much I missed you until I saw you again.[/i] ...Okay, that was cute. The corner of Brendon’s mouth quirked up slightly and he allowed himself to meet his gaze, blinking at with almost apprehensively because though clearly affectionate, that was such an open confession. Was it just platonic? Brendon didn’t think so, but he had a history of jumping to conclusions too fast and overreacting, making a fool of himself until he usually quickly fixed his mistake to minimise embarrassment, so. He made no grand statement in return-  but what he did make was an honest one. [b]”I missed you too, Ry. We’ve got all tour now, though s’awesome.”[/b] They were going to be together in relatively close quarters for an entire tour. Brendon’s mind drifted. Old habits died hard, it seemed, and old thought processes didn’t die at all. He was about to speak again, voice his enthusiasm about it, but without much warning Ryan was in close quarters and Brendon’s eyes darted down to watch his knuckle brush against his chest. [i]And I guess I missed this too, but that's not all that surprising.[/i]

For a moment, Brendon was truly floored by how quickly Ryan had accelerated an innocent reunion into something with this much underlying subtext- and now it wasn’t even subtext, Ryan was [i]hitting on him,[/i] he was staring and [i]touching[/i] and his interest was plain as day and Brendon felt the breath had been knocked out of him. At first, before conjuring up a reply to this, he eyed Ryan suspiciously. He didn’t seem drunk, or high- so this was sober Ryan, coming onto him like this within ten minutes of reuniting. Brendon couldn’t help but smirk. It played on his mouth dangerously, and he finally came to a plan of action, stepping in just a little closer and tilting his head back to look up at him. [b]”Not at all surprising,”[/b] He replied, unbothered about seeming haughty or full of himself. At this point, he deserved a little self love. [b]”Luckily for you,”[/b] Brendon started, stepping back and resting his lower back against the dresser in front of the mirror, [b]”I was getting changed anyway. Feel free to stay, I’ve done this in front of thousands.”[/b] Somehow, he managed not to be too explicit about it, and instead he pulled his suspenders from his shoulders and let them hang by his sides, then shrugged off his shirt and dropped it onto the floor in a similar fashion to his bowtie. His hands came to rest at his belt and he finally looked up. [b]”Or leave. Up to you.”[/b]