Thrown for a loop in memories, old lyrics were worming their way into Ryan's thoughts, relevant ones like [i]back to the street where we began[/i] - though calling them 'lovers' may be something of a stretch. Still, they were taking steps backwards, here. Ryan didn't totally believe it to be that way. If he did want something more, wasn't this progress? Maybe time apart had matured them, maybe they could make it this time, maybe, maybe, maybe. Or maybe time had passed differently for Brendon and he was in no rush to find something real, expanded fame and a change in circumstances made him even less drawn to commitment. Of course, Ryan could just outright [i]ask,[/i] but he was better at torturing himself over these things than he was at being forward and direct. And the premise of scaring Brendon off was really not something he loved to think about, either. [i]Hey, I’m pretty sure we counted.[/i] Ryan glanced at him sideways, smirking, and shrugged. Hey, nobody knew - as far as they were aware - but there was definitely some scandal there. People wrote ridiculous, far-fetched fiction about this stuff online. If only Brendon and him went public, god. The response would be cataclysmic. 

He could see Brendon practically jittering and related too entirely, feeling foolish, his body thrumming with unspent energy - even though it seemed like they'd quickly expended a lot. He wasn't even sure where it was coming from. [i]Allow me to exaggerate a memory or two[/i] - maybe Brendon had been right there. It was before the split, before anything, really, but perhaps Ryan was exaggerating all the memories of what'd happened between them. It would explain why he felt like every sense was amplified, like he was vibrating out of his skin. He stilled himself despite all of that, self-conscious and therefore not quite helpful to Brendon's cause even though he was definitely strongly supporting his own cause, here. One of them, anyway - the one where he wanted something beyond what they'd ever been was what he reluctantly neglected. Apparently his sudden slowness was confusing, though, because Brendon became hesitant, almost sheepish. [i]This is what you meant, right?[/i] Ryan grinned, quick to smooth a hand down Brendon's chest reassuringly. [b]"Of [i]course,[/i]"[/b] he said hastily, charmed by Brendon's timid backtrack - and how it was actually pretty thoughtful. [b]"If I ever change my mind about that, then I've gone crazy, believe me."[/b]

The slight changes between both of them were welcome, every memory of a soft, more unassuming Brendon shifting to match this new version of him, his hair fully out of his face now to present every clear, sharpened feature, muscles formed from God knows where, wardrobe shifted to compliment all of his perfection otherwise. [i]Your melody sounds as sweet as the first time it was sung, with a little bit more character for show[/i]; yeah, that's what it was. More character. Brendon was finding his own. It seemed like some separation from a very controlling creative department - Ryan wasn't naming any names - was helpful to him. But it didn't matter how strongly Ryan felt about him, Brendon was making it clearer by the moment that he didn't want this to evolve into anything more. 'For now' was all Ryan could think, and maybe that was unhealthy or overly wistful or even inconsiderate of Brendon's wishes, but. He just couldn't believe him. If Ryan was this invested, even after time apart, even after meeting other potentials (and not being interested), there was no way it couldn't be returned at least a little bit. Ryan was never confident in much, but in this, he was.

Shirt discarded, Brendon was quick to explore his skin, watching all the way. Ryan kept his gaze trained on his face, picking up on the appreciation and feeling a warmth all throughout; sometimes he was glad that Brendon was occasionally all too obvious. When he became tactile in return, Brendon seemed to twitch away for a moment before relaxing, eyes slipping shut - and Ryan thought, yes, he missed him, too. [i]If I ever leave I could learn to miss you[/i]... He'd agonized over that one for a considerable while. Now, it was less agonizing. [i]Yeah.[/i] Shit. More rules. Tentative, Ryan waited with bated breath, Brendon's affectionate gesture of throwing his arms around his neck and speaking spectacularly close only bringing a tidbit of comfort. [i]Nobody can know.[/i] Oh. It did hurt, a little. It would much more if he hadn't sort of figured that was part of the agreement anyway... an unfortunate thing he'd accepted for a long time. He knew it was to avoid complications and invasive questions and all of that, but he wished he could, like, yell from the rooftops, talk about Brendon openly with anyone and everyone who would listen.

Despite understanding, Ryan still ached, and he was silent, half-responsive when Brendon kissed him again, soft as ever. He couldn't manage the enthusiasm back into his expression, not quite. [i]And y’gotta let me top you.[/i] After a moment, Ryan laughed, leaning his forehead against Brendon's again and letting his eyes fall closed. [b]"You're cute,"[/b] he teased, a hand lifting from Brendon's waist to rest at his temple instead, thumb stroking over his skin fondly. [b]"Sure, if you're up for the challenge. Anything for you, baby."[/b] Oops. Baby was more Brendon's thing - Ryan didn't think it rolled off the tongue quite as much for him. [i]But "Sentimental Boy" is my nom de plume[/i]... Maybe that was true these days. 'Nobody can know' replayed in his head, and Ryan bit his lip, meeting Brendon's gaze and trying to mask his sudden uncertainty. He agreed, of course, it just sucked, and with that rule specifically he was growing less confident that maybe they were on equal terms here. 

[b]"But... you're right. Nobody can know, sure."[/b] His lips quirked again, bittersweet, and he finally leaned in again, the hand at Brendon's temple shifting to hold the back of his head instead while he caught him in another kiss, couldn't resist it. He gently caught his lower lip between his teeth, lightening his own slightly dropped mood, and pressed more long, drawn-out kisses to his cheek, drifting aside leisurely. [b]"Hey..."[/b] He spoke between kisses, his eyelids at half-mast. [b]"I have... my own rule."[/b] A prolonged kiss at his cheekbone, right by his hairline. [b]"[i]You[/i] have to try not to make me too jealous onstage, 'kay?"[/b] He was only kind of kidding. Ryan laughed softly close to his ear before catching his earlobe, leaning forward just barely to lean Brendon back with him.