Hey, Ra-Ra-Re-Bop! Thank you very much for the critique and of course, the preemptive private message pointing out all the flaws, you noticed in the entry, [@SleepingSilence]. It is very appreciated, but in the words of Wes Anderson's rendition of Fantastic Mr. Fox, I am gunna ignore your advice (mostly).

Mostly coming in terms of, the title misspelling is fairly embarrassing, but at least, in [url=https://www.roleplayerguild.com/posts/4777022]Bryzantium[/url], the title has the correct spelling. Although, Bryzantium has quite a few grammatical errors in other parts that need correcting... 

[hider=ヾ(＾∇＾) Briza's Response!]
[h3][/h3]
1 - 2 - 3 ...


... Now, let me elucidate here. I took the self-induced prerogative to write the story in a hasty manner and at most in several hours. Spending much time on it seemed contrary to the imaginary rules I conjured during the brainstorming process. In fact, originally, the story was exactly 4k characters short. I had misread (as per usual) the instructions and thought the entry was to be written in no more than 4k letters as opposed to 4k words. I was very confused as to how to write the story and also have an added paragraph or two about what happens to the hero and the loved ones he rescues with only a 4k character cap. After finishing the story and seeing that I misread the rules, I decided to (mostly) leave it as it is (minus some small-tidbit edits shortly after posting -- all which pushed the character count over 4k character mark). I would make an awful Pharisee, apparently.

As for the rest of the story: Briza went on a small date with him. His ziti preparing skills are a distinguishing 9.80/10.00. [i]Very Scrumptious![/i] Also, I have never seen someone rock such amazing blue leather shoes. All he needed was a horn, and he'd have been straight in the act & settin' music back to the caveman days, as they say. However, he plays the violin and nothing brass. 

(Ftr, I am against the Protestant Reformation, as well.)
[h3][/h3]
[quote][color=gray]You mean Cleric? A clerk is like a cashier...[/color][/quote]

[indent]There is no error with clerk. The woman is buying mead from a clerk who is standing behind a wooden counter (the cashier counter, if you will). The narrator is a man of noble class, who is not married for some reason or another. Perhaps, he is a widower. However, he is not a member of the ecclesiastical order. (If anything at all, at most a council member.)[/indent]

[quote][color=gray]Pick one of three. (I’d remove fool/jerk) because those are already implied when you say a cleric/priest is contrarian. (And maybe rich too. Since it’s not the only time it’s implied.)[/color][/quote]

[indent]The analogy of three is in honor of the Triune Godhead. As well, when I (personally) make decisions, there are usually a plethora of reasons, some are even intuitive and some are just... wrong.

Just so yah know, not everyone thinks clerics are fools or jerks. Go visit your local Romanian Orthodox Church. Anyways, the use of [i]fool[/i] and [i]jerk,[/i] is to show the narrator's distinction of language and discernment in philosophy. He is a precise man, after all -- to hold such a high status close to himself. 

On the other hand, I used irony with the terms, as well. (Hold some respect with me here, because I can see a Romanian priest calling himself a fool after you call him a wise man for this precise argument.)  The narrator makes himself to be a fool in the eyes of society economically, socially, and metaphysically (I used the number three, again!) by asking the woman to go on a date with him. The foreshadowing is an ode to Dostoevsky, "The cleverest of all, in my opinion, is the man who calls himself a fool at least once a month." Of course, Dostoevsky is giving a personal opinion, with which I happen to agree. You may not. It is also an ode to the Apostle Paul, (1 Corinthians 1:4) "We are fools for Christ's sake, but ye are wise in Christ; we are weak, but ye are strong; ye are honourable, but we are despised." And thirdly, it is an ode to the Eastern Orthodoxy status of [i]Fool's for Christ.[/i] There's the number three, again! Although, this time the reasons are a little more like when I used the words [i]jerk[/i] and [i]fool.[/i] There are distinctions, but I will keep the pearls to myself until further notice.[/indent]


[quote][color=gray]“I had been raised in the most eloquent of homes, families and manners.”, More concise.[/color][/quote]

[indent]I used an anaphora for his natural tendency towards long-winded pompousness and pedantry. Thank you for understanding.[/indent]


[quote][color=gray]If I could nitpick from unnecessary padding. Remove "daintily", We know how the character sees her already. And as a reader I can't imagine "saying nothing" to mean anything else in terms of visual information.[/color][/quote]

[indent]The use of [i]dainty[/i] is an attempt to humor the audience with the protagonist's (foolish) chivalry. It was a suggestion, and I did agreed with it.[/indent] 


[quote][color=gray]Remove that first/highlighted sentence, since the dialogue makes that apparent already. Plus the other following sentence is a better elaboration coming from a character perspective.[/color][/quote]

[indent]This is more pompous humor in example of the narrator staying true to his personality by being overly-thorough with the multi-layers of his thoughts to himself (and the audience). It definitely has the ability to be worded in a better order. Thank you for pointing this out.

Also, thank you very, very much for going out of your way to critique the short story.[/indent]

[center][h3]Gratias Tibi![/h3][/center][/hider]


[hider=ヾ(＾∇＾) Briza's Critique!]
[h3][/h3]My critique for your writing is fairly similar to the one I gave you for RPGC #18: Adventure Calls, [i]Just Passing.[/i] The alliterations are mentally jarring. You used a lot more moderation this time, and it reads much more smoothly. The stylistic device of word forms was an interesting technique of a jump but a little estranged. With RPG's BBCoding, I am uncertain I should really fault you. The characters are a lot more entertaining and dynamic, and over all, I enjoyed this story a lot more. Unlike Calle, I am not going to point out this phrase or that phrase that could be re-worked because I am still trying to find my way out of a plethora of other Wonderlands and seem to lack restraint when I see a potential rabbit hole. (It's pretty tempting...) 


I really enjoyed this line:

[quote]The individual snowflakes may have been considered beautiful, but their true intentions were shrouded in a chilling haze and lost in the millions among the crowd, like demons cascading from the clouds and falling from their salvation.[/quote]


With that said, the story still has a merriment despite the bitterness. (Cheers to the Alcoholic!) You definitely succeeded in creating a bittersweet story.[/hider]