Crow faltered slightly when he felt Penelope slip her hand out of his. She hadn’t bought his excuse after all. He swallowed nervously, already expecting what was going to come next: She would question him about why he was really acting strangely until she managed to get him to spill the truth. He didn’t want to tell her though. Not yet—not before he had made peace with his decision on his own. If he told her that he wanted to let her go back to her life now and she protested, he didn’t think he had the strength to turn her down. He had to reach a point of acceptance first.

As expected, she told him right away that she didn’t buy his lie and rested her hand on his arm in a concerned gesture. This time, he couldn’t stop himself from involuntarily shying away from her touch. Lowering his gaze to the ground, he felt a stab of guilt for distancing himself from her so much. Even though he knew he had to do it if they were going to separate, the part of him that was hopelessly in love with the knight was pained by his own coldness towards her. He craved to gather her in his arms and forget about the problem altogether, to just move forward like he wasn’t going to ruin her by doing so. But that was the selfish thing to do, and he loved her too much to let that happen.

“I will admit that it’s something else,” he murmured without meeting her gaze. “But I still don’t want to talk about it yet. I’m sorry, love… I just can’t do it.” He let out his breath in a shaky sigh, loathing himself for keeping his thoughts from her. She had been nothing but honest with him, and he knew she deserved the same treatment, but he was too afraid that he would break down if he opened up to her about everything now. He needed to wait until he was more resolved in his decision.

Suddenly, Crow stiffened as he felt a sharp pressure in his chest and stopped walking, quickly bringing a hand to his mouth as a short coughing fit wracked his body. In general, the episodes brought on by his illness had decreased steadily, but they had yet to fully disappear. And now that he was away from Hazel, he didn’t have any way to get to the medicine that suppressed the little that remained.

“Damn it,” he muttered, spitting blood on the ground when the brief fit had passed.