We probably look a little out of our minds. Brendon's holding onto me like I'm the last person on Earth, like I'm his lifeline, and maybe I am a little bit that last one, but really. We're not even thirty, and here we are, Brendon close to tears in my arms, both of us so, so conscious, all the time, that this could be our last year together. Maybe we won't even last that long. I hate everyone who's never doubted they'll grow old with the person they love. Since high school, neither of us had that guarantee. When we promised each other we would, when we made our confident vows, I'm fairly sure both of us knew the truth. Hey, at least for a while there it looked like our chances were good, but evidently wellness was a fickle thing. Happiness, almost, except with our situation, I'm happy he's even here. I'm happy I got him out to the sea, this salty air, and I guess my standards have lowered considerably.

We're a picture of, 'what troubles might young lovers have?' And here's the answer. We're not invincible. We never were.

He's smiling at his feet. He's perfect. [i]Well, you always were a romantic.[/i] I'm proving him right as he says it, my fingertips cradling his jawline in a gentle effort to bring his face up, catch a glimpse of his smile. Whoops. I smile back at him and shake my head fondly. [i]I’m just proud to say that I’m the one who took your ‘seeing the sea in real life’ virginity.[/i] I half laugh, watching the skyline and then eyeing him in my periphery. Shockingly, Brendon was usually the one with jokes filed away, despite everything. [b]"Charming way to put it,"[/b] I mumble, then wait for the next obvious punchline, and surprisingly Brendon doesn't say it. After a moment I go for it myself, try to meet his goofy humour. [b]"...You took a lot more than just that, though?"[/b] I'm grinning so hard I can't even say it with confidence, nudging him as lightly as I can without having to worry about making him lose his balance. We're so [i]stupid.[/i]

I know he's annoyed by my help, or frustrated at the very least, not at me but the circumstances themselves. But I catch his hand anyway, gaze dropping from the dim horizon to our feet as we meet the water, our skin stark against the foam, sand swirling as we knock it out of place. I can tell he's cold, too proud to say a word about it, and there's no room to move closer to comfort him. All of this, though, even if it's chilly as hell, is better than the dismal hospital room he's trapped in, so I hold out rather than taking us back quite yet out of worry. We've got a little less than an hour and a half now. Not all the time in the world, but I take what I can get.

Somehow he can read my mind. I can feel his defiant look, even when I keep my eyes straight ahead. [i]Don’t.[/i] I continue anyway and suddenly he's in front of me, I'm forced to look at him, his pale skin illuminated by the blue all around us. After a moment of his close inspection I drop my head a little, eyes slipping shut, letting my hair fall over my forehead. 'Stop.' His hands cover my chest and I place one of my own over them, lifting my head and sucking in a heavy breath. [i]No.[/i] His voice... we speak as if he's already gone. I tighten my grip around his hands. He's still here. With my optimism, I'm still sure he's never going to be gone. That, or it's just too unimaginable an idea to grasp, him not being in my life. Whatever the case, I'm naïve enough, in love enough, to still have hope.

[i]I have nobody to blame but myself.[/i] I purse my lips and shake my head at him slightly.

It kills me to even think about, but I'm almost angry at him, way back in my subconscious. Why did he have to... A relapse - multiple, contributing relapses - is out of an addict's control, I know, I know that better than anyone. But why, that's all I ask. Why Brendon.

[i]All you’ve ever done is love me, and- and you stuck to our vows, can you believe it, in sickness and in health- I love you-[/i] I fumble with him, a tiny sound escaping me as he moved to embrace me again, and I weakly catch him in my arms. When we kiss it's hard to stay straight, and both of us sway because I'm supposed to be the pillar of strength and I'm not nearly strong enough to uphold that role. I recover after a moment, holding the back of his head close, his waist flush to my body. [i]I love you.[/i] I search his gaze, and this close up, I know there's still life there. He looks sick, but he's still Brendon, still the same person I've known my whole life. My best friend. I don't even have to say it back. I just breathe out, more steadily, and I turn us around still holding him close until he's the one who can look out at the fading sky. I bury my face in his shoulder, press light, whispered kisses to his skin. 

Close to his ear, I try to speak again after an extended pause, my voice as hushed as his had become. [b]"You're going to be okay,"[/b] I say, and I fully believe it. I've never felt so strongly about anything in my life. [b]"I know it. Trust me. I'll be right there next to you, the whole time."[/b] I round him until I can hold him from behind, arms round his waist, keeping him secure and hooking my chin over his shoulder. I study the skyline again. I can barely see the sun anymore. [b]"It's beautiful."[/b]