Ryan wasn't worried about the prospect of actually being engaged to Brendon (and then eventually marrying him, holy shit); it was just. What if his answer wasn't really yes? Ryan would have to wait [i]longer[/i] if Brendon even ever [i]wanted[/i] to get married and, god, they had never even had a conversation about marriage, maybe they weren't ready, maybe his stupid impulsive behavior with Brendon - totally Brendon's fault, by the way, because he was way too easy to be completely, wholly infatuated with, or something more meaningful beyond that - was finally going to come back to bite him in the ass, whatever. But. There was also the chance that he did mean it. He did mean it, and they'd be engaged, and that was the fucking dream, really, but Ryan would probably propose again at some point. Did two proposals cancel it out? Whatever. Third time's the charm, then he could have an actually good engagement story rather than 'I popped the question about five seconds before climax, thanks for asking.' Though in all fairness that was about as romantic as their story of meeting, in a shitty LA bar.

Anyway. He had to address it, at some point, so he started testing the waters, and Brendon seemed a thousand times more chill than he felt. Ryan was almost calmed by the little kiss at his jaw, almost charmed into nonchalance by the easy way he drew his fingers through his hair. Almost. [i]Hey, baby.[/i] God. It took everything not to abandon the following conversation and divert into a weird confession of love triggered only by the sound of his voice just then. He continued. [i]So.[/i] Ryan felt self-conscious, stared right back at Brendon for a second before he started to turn his head slightly, swallowing and looking at the wall past Brendon's shoulder. [i]Before y’say anything.[/i] Oh. He looked back, hopeful. [i]You’re fucking astounding.[/i] Really not the time. Ryan still lost his breath, close to laughing with Brendon but only managing a smile. [b]"You're telling me."[/b] [i]That was, uh, incredible.[/i] Seriously, Brendon could make a career out of how talented he was at saving a situation, changing the subject to something wildly different. But Ryan ignored where his gaze had landed, shut his eyes and moved on.

When he opened them, Brendon had the nerve to look like he [i]didn't know what Ryan was talking about,[/i] and Ryan could have killed him, really, watching him laugh and shrug innocently, but fuck, he loved him so much. Seriously, please let it have been a real yes. Ryan shut his eyes again as Brendon planted a garden of the gentlest kisses along his collarbone, calming down a little. [i]Y’gotta be more specific, babe. Things were said, but are you referring to [/i]'fuck me harder' - and about there was when Ryan cringed beyond the point of no return, his hand falling from the back of Brendon's head to the mattress, defeated - [i]or[/i] 'will you marry me?' Okay. Alright. So he did hear. First of all, fuck Brendon for bringing that first part up, really, right now, when his nerves could have given him, like, a heart attack, probably; second, how was he so comfortable saying the latter out loud? Ryan couldn't even repeat the question. Well. Probably when he was in the right setting, a planned situation, but not immediately after fucking it up immensely. He wanted to marry Brendon, yeah, whatever, but he also totally hated him right now.

[i]Well. Did you mean it when you asked me?[/i] Ryan opened his eyes, looked at him carefully. He wondered what Brendon [i]thought.[/i] Would anyone ever not mean it if they proposed to Brendon? Seriously, Ryan was just glad he got there first. He bit his lip, carried them upwards along the pillow a bit until he could sit up more, was holding Brendon against him with a hand curled round his shoulder. He smoothed his thumb over the bone there, searching his face, because he was [i]so[/i] scared that he'd messed up beyond repair. [b]"I meant it,"[/b] he confirmed, voice more certain than even he'd anticipated. [b]"I didn't exactly... I mean, in all of my dumb imaginary scenarios, [i]this[/i] was not one of them, but I meant it."[/b] Please say you did too, holy shit, six months is nothing but we've got a lifetime ahead. Ryan's gaze dropped to his lips momentarily, a split between avoiding eye contact and maybe admiring, and then he offered up a sidenote. [b]"I'll get a ring, even."[/b] He grinned, deathly nervous, but maybe that could finish up the deal.