[quote=@Holy Soldier] Now that you have given your constructive criticism, what recommendations do you have? [/quote] One, the picture that was chosen for your character sheet should be changed for a 'headshot' to adequately display your character's face and preferably using a photograph or photorealistic depiction. The current picture doesn't clearly show your character's face and instead focuses on their body and its injuries. This is not the purpose of the character image and if you wish to continue using this picture it can be concealed within a hider or moved to another portion of the sheet. Neither Victor's Zodiac sign, his degree's discipline nor the location of his work needs to be included on his initial statistics, the inclusive of such makes it look crowded, doubly so given that you've chosen to include all of his identities and aliases. Bisexual is a single word, the capitalization of 'Sexual' and the hyphen are both unnecessary. 'Buzzed' isn't a hair colour, Victor's correct hair colour should be listed under his physical profile with his haircut elaborated on his physical description as you have already done so. It's your sheet, but I would have arranged the personality beneath the table code and then put the character's history beneath that. The way you have it right now is something of an eyesore. [quote]He was born into a world of violence, and he never understood why. If God exists, then why allow him to be born before the apocalypse, or why allow him to be born to a man who did nothing but hurt him and his mother? Things happen for a reason, and they don’t always make sense; but over the years, one behavior has always been the same among humans. Violence. Humans are violent creatures. They are always at conflict with each other and yet they naturally gravitate toward each other. Perhaps to inevitably cause harm to the other person whether physically or mentally—or even spiritually if you believe in such a thing.[/quote] Most of this is waxing poetically and tells us very little about Victor. This could be entirely done away with and it wouldn't change the personality section, all this does is preface the reader with the philosophy that you, as a writer are using to justify Victor's psyche. [quote]For decades, Victor had to learn to deal with these feelings and hide them from those who wouldn’t understand. He tried to study himself—conduct private psychological research to prove or disprove whether or not he was a born psychopath. He eventually learned that he wasn’t insane and that despite how unusual his emotions were, he was normal. It was normal for him for he had always been that way. Even still, despite being a doctor, he regularly sees a psychologist if only just to talk about his problems.[/quote] The majority of this is exposition and would be better utilized in Victor's backstory. In fact, it would help paint a clearer picture of where the modern day Victor is in his life and his struggle. I understand the character has a long life, in fact, the longest lifespan in the RP as of current, and that would require a lot of writing to fully flesh out. But I don't feel as though the submitted length is adequate for this character especially with such major plot points skimmed over and outright left out. I already mentioned his learning of English and integration into American Society, and I would argue those are major points that the backstory is lacking in. Likewise, the entire Hitler Youth arc is sort of lacklustre, yes his father forced him to join and yes, he wanted to flee but in reality, it wasn't being declared a traitor that kept Germany's youth among the ranks. You were allowed to leave Hitler's Youth, but you could be denied your diploma, preventing you from joining a University, no one would give you a job, and numerous other examples of social ostracization. The introduction of the French/American Spy Girlfriend is baffling to me, or at least the description around the scenario. Did he date the woman while she hated him? Or did she actually become romantic in him after learning 'he wasn't like the other officers'? Sofia's character is a rather interesting element in the backstory and for her to be so simply skimmed over is almost criminal. Given she's an artifact of time, she likely wouldn't be alive in the modern day but it would have been nice to have spent more time exploring this relationship. Does she help quell Victor's violent nature, does he find himself trying to hurt her while they're intimate? Outside of her death causing one freak out, did it have any lasting effect on her? She was his first love, that has to mean something. You mention later in the story that he's afraid to love due to his 'abnormality' but that wasn't a factor in his relationship with Sofia. Additionally, the man who is addicted to violence, who just saw his wife die in a crossfire between two warring factions, didn't equally blame both? I know in the powers section you mention how he's not a beserker (A missed opportunity to give him some tangible flaws but we'll get there.), but this man just watched his first love, potentially the love of his life cut down in a crossfire, likely unable to lay the blame squarely on either side and he didn't murder everyone indiscriminately? This just feels like a missed opportunity, furthermore with Sofia dead, does that keep his deal intact and if so, how and on whose authority did she even have to grant a 'turncoat' American Citizenship? And when did he learn English? This is a major skill that drives the majority of the backstory and especially would be important during his integration into America, but it's not touched upon anywhere in the backstory. [quote]The whole CS—the entire character concept—is based on a struggle. It is a struggle with what psychologists today would call a disorder. When you do things without control, like one with an eating disorder. You can tell them to stop, but they’ll keep eating for various reasons and sometimes those reasons involve how good it feels and how it takes their mind away from the actual pain they are going through whether that be physical, mental, or both. Similarly, how do you stop something you like? How do you stop an addiction that is self-destructive? You have to get help and Victor does this by seeing a psychologist regularly.[/quote] The psychologist doesn't appear until the modern day segment of the backstory. From 1945 until 2010s, how did Victor starve off his violent nature? This what I mean about there being no evidence of a struggle. Even in the early portions of the backstory, Victor's alleged 'violent nature' only manifests in heightened emotional states, when attacked by the other boy, when Sofia died etc. For almost sixty years he lived without an incident based on your current backstory. He didn't participate in the Cold War, in Vietnam, he didn't engage in vigilantism or become a serial killer, spree killer or any form of a murderer. [quote]As for surgery, surgery is violent. When you are going into someone that requires you to cut them open. The intention of the doctor is not the same as a criminal—that is a doctor with a healthy moral psychology—but the act is still intrusive and scares people at times. And doctors have to find the least intrusive route to go about conducting surgery because someone’s life is in their hands. When you’re cutting away at scar tissue, tumors, or sawing through bone, it is all violent and graphic. But the intention isn’t. It is the act of violence that my character’s power works.[/quote] Violent is defined as such: [CENTER][img]https://i.imgur.com/QD6L8Hj.png[/img][/CENTER] Surgery, especially modern surgery, is done in a manner designed to improve the life of the patient, reduce pain and make the whole thing as comfortable as possible. The act of making an incision is not one of violence and therefore is not violent. Your character would make more sense operating as a dominatrix than they would as a surgeon. Furthermore, your powers are defined as 'Conflict Energy', and while you provide no further definition, the name itself implies that these 'violent energies' come from conflict, which again surgery is not. Which on that note, brings us to your power section. The concept is abstract and loosely defined, meaning that it needs to fleshed out more in order to become a rationalized idea. As I said, conflict energy is not defined here, you mention it by name and then immediately go into explaining what it does without defining what it is and only that it comes from either Victor being violent, another committing violence, or violence that is happening around him. Again, using the term violent which is defined as the intention to harm, damage or kill, at a loosely defined that could include strong language, there's nothing here that says the violence is limited to physical. Additionally, what is the range of influence? How close or far does Victor need to be to violence in order to absorb the 'Conflict Energy'? Couldn't he simply live in a bad neighborhood and enjoy a long life? In your limitations you state the following: [quote]The violence is addicting in high doses. Victor can lose himself, especially in traumatic situations. Unlike a berserker, Victor is completely conscious and aware of his surroundings. He just loves it, and he doesn’t care how much harm he is inflicting on the person who earned it.[/quote] This is a contradiction both to itself and your backstory. Victor watched his wife die and didn't lose himself, so did he ever really love Sofia? Furthermore, if he loses himself, how does he stay aware of his surroundings? How does performing surgery not cause him to fly into a frenzy at the first sight of blood? Again, that doesn't seem to be a struggle here. [quote]As a surgeon, he is inflicting a soft level of violence on his patients, which increases his focus and precision, making him the renowned doctor he is known as today. This gives him his regular dose of violence at safe levels.[/quote] How does this work? If he's an addict he shouldn't be able to stop there. An over-eater doesn't just open a bag of chips and have one, no they go back for another, and another and soon the whole bag is gone. Again, I'm not convinced of a struggle. The limitations also don't touch on how much 'Conflict Energy' Victor's body can hold and if there is a cap, what happens when he starts to exceed it? Furthermore, what would happen if he died to live as a pacifist? Does the deprivation of 'Conflict Energy' have any negative effects aside from returning him to a natural life? Where's the self-harm to just feel alive? [quote]His regeneration doesn't allow him to instantly restore lost limbs once a conflict has ended. If by the end of a conflict, his arm hasn't regenerated, then it won't regenerate until the next exposure opportune exposure to conflict energy. [/quote] At what rate does his regeneration work at though? How does it work? It is through simply being exposed to conflict energy? Or is it through the amount of conflict energy absorbed? The weaknesses are a write-off, most of them are psychological limitations put into the weaknesses section of the character sheet. I'm looking for exploitable weaknesses that will harm or kill your character, reading through I see one in that if Victor was shot from a distance with a single bullet to the head, that should kill him. Of course, this all depends on the rest of the ability being further defined as Victor could essentially be constantly absorbing conflict energy. The second weakness and I'm not sure if it's a weakness is that his ability causes stress on his brain. The reason I'm not sure if this is a weakness is that the negative effects listed in the CS are hair loss, change of pigment and apathy. That might hinder his social life but it's not an exploitable weakness in the heat of the moment. Does the stress of his brain lead to an aneurysm if kept in combat too long? Will he eventually lose himself and devolve into a base savage? There's no real implication to the extent of the damage that the stress of his brain will cause. I'm not going to spend much time commenting on the supporting cast or skills, being the best surgeon in both general and neural makes me raise a bit of an eyebrow given how specialized surgery is. Furthermore, the CS doesn't hint at some of the struggles Victor should have with modern technology and keeping up to the advances in his field. Outside of commenting on the sheet itself, I have to ask, what is it that you think you and your player can bring to this RP? You clearly have some sort of plan in mind based on your comment towards Tackytaff's character, so I'd be curious to know what sort of story you want to tell with Victor.