Love and adoration followed him to pretty much every corner of the earth, that was true, love and adoration from both Brendon’s fans and apparently Ryan, though it was definitely too fat to call it ‘love’- it was more infatuation, some kind of deep-seated obsession that had started in a toxic place and was on a steady decline back down to that negativity. Not that things had ever been all sunshine and soft kisses, things borne from such a background could never really be normal or healthy. But- they were getting there, had been getting there. Brendon harboured real fondness for Ryan, not just attraction. And it wasn’t bizarre anymore. It felt normal. He had grown used to his company and he supposed that familiarity made his heart grow fonder as time passed by and they were attracted to eachother like magnets, swerving back almost immediately into eachother’s lanes when they had reunited at the start of this tour. But- though Brendon was arguably happy when he was with Ryan, most of the time, doing normal dumb shit like snacking themselves into a food coma and playing video games hours into the night- he was afraid. Afraid to grow too attached, because they had already proven that dating- wouldn’t really work. Brendon reminded himself of this a lot when his romantic daydreams (yes, he had them, sue him) became too fanciful and unrealistic.

So, he became distant almost to protect himself from being hurt- but also simply because it was entertaining to watch Ryan vie for his attention no mater how many times Brendon refused his company, rebuked his offers, turned down propositions. He had him wrapped around his little finger and he relished in being able to drive him crazy- maybe it was some leftover spite from their days of absolutely hating eachothers guts. Who knew. Brendon had managed to resist Ryan for a while now, which was an achievement he was proud of. Just- just [i]look[/i] at Ryan, he was tall, his hair was curly and dark, his eyes a soulful gold, his hands were [i]art[/i]- of course it was an achievement. Brendon was proud of himself for not immediately dropping to his knees for him every damn time they ended up alone. He didn’t have a problem admitting [i]that[/i] anymore- what he was more apprehensive to say was that he enjoyed just hanging out with him even more than he enjoyed their physical intimacy. And that was saying something. It frightened him. So he stepped back- for his own amusement, for his own protection, for his own gain. Maybe it was a little unreasonable. To say the least.

And now, Here Ryan was, baited into confronting him about Brendon’s frequent rejections of his advances. He had expected it but he hadn’t expected to enjoy himself this much, enjoy watching Ryan pursue him. It was probably a little twisted but it made him feel wanted and if this meant that when he did accept, Ryan put a little more effort than usual into things, it would be worth it. For both of them. Win-win. [i]If you wanted to watch a movie?[/i] Aw. So he really did have no idea what he was insinuating. Adorable. Brendon cracked a smile and tilted his head. [b]”You need to like, catch up on a lot of shit,”[/b] He advised. [b]”By asking me, your secret ‘lover’, let’s say, to watch Netflix with you, alone, you’re implying- you know what, nevermind.”[/b] He couldn’t be bothered bringing Ryan up to speed on current pop culture and slang. Having dropped it, he stepped back to lean against the bus and Ryan dutifully followed. Man, he was intense when he was like this. And then- then he looked genuinely downcast. Brendon’s eyebrows raised minutely, surprised by his own effect. He’d expected frustration, not- not this. [i]Whatever, man.[/i]

‘Whatever’? No, that’s not what he wanted, Brendon thought, alarms going off suddenly. He didn’t want to drive Ryan away, that was the last thing he wanted.  Brendon swallowed uncomfortably. [i]I’m fine.[/i] Sure, you look it. [i]Just thinking it’d be nice of you to say that you don’t want this rather than stringing me along.[/i] A little stunned, Brendon pressed himself closer against the side of the bus simultaneously as Ryan stepped back, unsure of what to say, eyeing him helplessly for a few moments. The last thing he wanted was some emotional conversation and apparently here he was being dumped into one. He went with his first instinct- rebuttal as self-defence. Hiding any vulnerability. Worked every time. [b]”I’m not stringing you along. Sometimes, I just don’t wanna fuck. Is that too difficult for you to believe?”[/b] Honestly... yeah, it probably was. Everything Brendon was doing was clearly intentionally to rile Ryan up. Denial wouldn’t hide that. [i]Brendon, what did I [/i]do?[i] Out of curiousity.[/i] 

Well, what was he supposed to say? ‘You didn’t do anything, I just wanted to get all your frustration pent up so you’d fuck me harder next time’? ‘I’m terrified of allowing myself to become vulnerable around you’? ‘I actually really like spending time with you and it scares me’? None of them sounded like particularly good options. Brendon clicked his tongue and folded his arms across his chest, drawing himself up straight to at least appear a little taller. Ryan was slouching a little so it kind of worked. [b]”Nothing. Just wanted you to be a little riled up for next time, that’s all.”[/b] Of course he went for that one. The one that would make Ryan the angriest. Of fucking course he did.