[@Lauder] for Vakk
[hider]
I'm glad to see the recent edits to your sheet. The shift from Word to Speech as a Portfolio helps immensely and nullifies most of the qualms that we had with your sheet.

Overall the new Portfolio is quite nice; you have clear powers and uses for it that will eventually arise, though I encourage you to start thinking now about what you'll do on the first few Turns. Because your Sphere is quite empty and won't need stuff to fill it, perhaps you can spend your FP on something like a big canyon full of creepy echos on Galbar.

On the topic of Spheres, Sanvadam is cool and very thematic; it can actually compete with the Maze and the Pit (the best of them) for most hellish place to get trapped. However, it seems like we could still just remove it from the canon without impacting Galbar in the slightest, which means you should give it some sort of more meaningful interaction so as to make your Sphere live up to its potential.

To everybody else reading this, that's my new criteria: if I feel like I could just delete your Sphere and the RP would go the exact same and Galbar wouldn't be any different, I'm going to complain that your Sphere should have more stuff going on. Of course, Spheres can be fleshed out IC, but a rudimentary idea of what sort of impact they'll have on the universe if something worth figuring out and telling us beforehand.

Personality wise, you're treading on [i]very thin ice[/i] IC if he insults the Architect to his face, but OOC I don't mind. Just warning you :lol

What I [i]do[/i] somewhat mind is the seeming hypocrisy, because right after saying that Vakk would insult the Architect to his face, you claim, "That is not to say that Vakk is without fear, for it he is confronted by a foe that he knows is radically stronger than him, he will become a coward. Yet, this is a rare emotion as he never expects something other than the Architect to be more powerful than him..."

If Vakk fears the Architect, why would he insult him to his face? Fix that little paradox, please.

Despite these issues, overall your sheet seems pretty good now. You have a unique character and a unique niche and I look forward to seeing what you can do IC, so good job.

Your sheet's accepted contingent upon somehow fixing those lines regarding the Architect. This acceptance also comes alongside those substantial suggestions regarding the Sphere.[/hider]