Yeah, yeah, they hated each other, they took every opportunity to show it, but. [i]Some[/i]times. Sometimes Ryan was afraid he'd gone a little too far. Of course, most peoples' 'too far' would quantify as a physical fight, something that would actually visibly hurt, but for someone like Ryan - shrimpy enough to have maybe a 10% chance of winning any given confrontation, intelligent enough to know exactly the most biting thing to say and which weak points to aim for when he was saying it - the psyche was a powerful battleground of choice. Brendon might take too long to come up with a comeback and he'd have divided feelings about that; joy that it'd struck true, worry that maybe Brendon was actually believing the bullshit. Worse, in the early days, Brendon didn't have responses for him, nothing that held up anyway. He didn't [i]know[/i] Ryan, really, wasn't as comfortable being as cutting as he was right away, wasn't prepared for immediate backfire. He didn't want to make him... permanently insecure, or whatever, because the majority of - if not all the time - Ryan was just mad he couldn't accomplish what Brendon was. Fuck wanting and not wanting, though. If he was honest with himself, he knew he'd already made a fairly deep wound.

So, Ryan didn't care. Not out loud, not in actions, that is. But he sort of gave a shit whether or not Brendon really took anything to heart - Ryan himself didn't care what Brendon had to throw at him, he was self-aware, knew when something was true and when Brendon was pulling insults out of his ass just to keep the ball rolling. He watched closely, recently, just to be sure, because when he wasn't trying not to, Brendon tended to wear his expressions honestly, and. Really, Ryan didn't actually mean to [i]hurt[/i] him. He never knew what to do with himself when he realized he'd struck a real nerve. Actually, the conversation usually ended there. Right now he could tell was just bullshit - incredibly surface-level for them, in fact, considering no one had analyzed the other's childhood and 'maybe [i]that's[/i] why you are the way you are now' or 'look, I found a replacement for you,' so on. 

Ryan kind of half-laughed at the sight of Brendon standing, arms crossed, looking slightly caught off guard, relished in it. He let his shoulders drop when his hand came back to him, relaxing as much as he could when he was, admittedly, fairly tense. Always was around Brendon. [i]Oh, please. I could get them to pay me if I wanted to. You’re so sexually confused that you’d be first on my damn doorstep.[/i] Ryan watched him rub his arm, smirking. Maybe Brendon's words would've actually gotten to him if he didn't look a [i]little[/i] too childish to be taken seriously at the moment. [b]"Keep telling yourself that. It's cute that you hang on to such far-out dreams, though."[/b] He knew he was stupid to even respond, because obviously Brendon wasn't totally in the wrong. Maybe not first at his door, because Ryan had too much pride, and maybe not the doorstep. Maybe knocking at the side window, or something, with an excuse to get inside. He wasn't [i]head over heels,[/i] like that exact verbage seemed to imply, he just checked Brendon out a little too frequently to be normal. 

[i]That’s right, motherfucker, take a good look. It’s all you’re ever gonna get. Die mad about it.[/i] Ryan actually laughed, full and genuine, and it would be almost like they were kidding around if there wasn't such a mean undertone to it. He shook his head at Brendon, nearly said something along the lines of 'you really think you're hot shit, huh,' but. As aforementioned. Apparently Ryan did too, at least subconsciously. So he couldn't say that without practically asking to be mocked for it. [i]Don’t flatter yourself. And anyway- are you sure it’s [/i]a [i]girlfriend?[/i] Ryan blinked, off his game suddenly. He thought Brendon didn't even pay attention to all of his complicated history. [i]How many have you had before that poor girl you’re whisking along now with your sad damaged English dropout act?[/i] Ryan scoffed in the middle of his speech, loud and obnoxious, because fuck that, he didn't have an [i]act,[/i] much less that. Still - he had to remind himself of where he was now to avoid overthinking it. Inner mantra and all - not an English dropout, a very [i]brave[/i] pursuer of dreams, which have been achieved. So there.

[i]I heard you’ve got some on the side. How about that? That true?[/i] [b]"[i]No,[/i]"[/b] Ryan said immediately, almost protesting, and that was so boring, he could say something more, something to hurt right back, but he couldn't think of it. [i]Maybe Keltie would like to know about Jac, and Helena, and...[/i] Ryan brought his hand up again to cup the side of Brendon's face, turn his head back to him from where he'd glanced to the bus, instantly cutting him off. [b]"Shut the fuck up. What, do you keep a written record of it all? That a creepy hobby of yours, or are you just waiting for me to be available?"[/b] And they were so utterly high school that all he could feasibly do, all his subconscious could muster up, was to push at Brendon's shoulder, totally juvenile and annoying beyond belief.